competitiveness and discipline

I am soooo not a competitive person, and have relished all these years out of school and university. I never did enjoy all that "lowest common denominator" stuff, it's just so tedious. But here I am, mother of a small, fast-growing son, and all around me is "when did he do that?" and "how much does he weigh?", and "are you back into your pre-pregnancy clothes?". When did this all turn into a competition? I'm just grateful that he's healthy, has all his faculties, everything is where is should be.

I took a break from writing this to go to the loo, where I picked up Waitrose's new mag - Source - and the first article I read tackles exactly this... Fiona Gibson writes ..."Let's be realistic : I'm 41 with a body that's been through two pregnancies, including six-pound twins. It would be unreasonable, surely, to expect my stomach to resemble a slab of MDF. My small cluster of sensible brain cells says,' No, you're not one of the endless bevy of footballers' wives who go skinny-malinky approximately nine seconds after giving birth, and why would you be?..."

Well put sister!

The glaringly omission is how few mothers ask the more important questions, like "How well behaved is your child ?", and "How are you getting on with discipline ?". It does amaze me that in an era of "Super Nanny" and more discipline resources than you can poke a stick at, so few parents tackle this extremely important issue. Yeah, yeah, we're all going to do it differently, but let's face it, if we don't discipline our children, they turn into unholy terrors - unpleasant to be around, they'll get avoided on the birthday party circuit, teacher's will raise their eye-brows when your little angel's name gets mentioned, and (WAKEY WAKEY) your mates are going to be pushed to spend too much time with you, other than at your house where YOUR kids can trash YOUR place. There's a huge knock on here.


I am so grateful to Tim & Jacqui for the delightful Quinton Blake book they gave us before Zack was born : the Zagazoo. Oh, I do hope he turns out to be the delightful young man in 20 years time.

the Gonz is come

(these photos were uploaded 2 days after Alessio was born, so to answer all the questions I've had, Jackie didn't have him at home)

Jackie and Claudio are the proud parents of a baby boy - Alessio - born this evening at 7:10pm ! wonderful news.

and it's crawlin'

We've been rockin', we've been rollin', but we ain't crawled yet....


Until today.



At exactly 15h50 - just as I was about to head out and leave Zee with my mum for an hour, he decided to take his first tentative handprints forward. It wasn't much, altho' we'd been anticipating it, so had camera at the ready. Here it is recorded for posterity (and for dad, in the UK).

closing moments : SA

Our relaxing and sunny holiday in South Africa is drawing to a close. Tomorrow is Monday and that means we have only four days left until departure. Zack continues to grow and progress - all so rapidly it seems. He is grasping more and more carefully (he is such a boy though, and won't do the fine fingered pinching unless his smash and grab technique has failed repeatedly), his "crawling" is coming on well with movement backwards and sideways in both directions. He can also roll forward from seated to crawling position, which means that he can reach for things that were previously out of reach.

He is getting braver with his eating - fruit and veggies are put away with ease, and dad has fed him a potato chip (much to my dismay, but that's life). I have given him a few crusts of bread to gnaw on (again, I'm sad that I capitulated, as I'd hoped to stave it off until 12 months), so our hurdles are now protein, fish in particular, and then dairy in 4 months time. He is a good size though (oh so heavy I'm finding) so he may make the transition sooner - I'll talk to the mates and hear what they say.

He has certainly found his voice, as "shrieking while we play" is now common, and he knows how to "freak out" when he wants something badly enough. Oh, the joys of discipline and learning to say "No" firmly. He thinks "no" is a game sometimes, which defeats the exercise.

travels and teeth !

We have been away for ten days down to the coast. It has been excellent. We spent a week in the Wilderness (near to George and Knysna) with keith's family - his mum and dad, and his sister Sally, her husband Adrian (with the dreadlocks) and their two little people - Cole and Sienna. The weather was gorgeous and it's such a beautiful part of the country. Keith spotted a school of dolphin and called us to see - amazing.


zack, sienna and cole (sally and adrian's two children) - zack was wrestling his 3 year old cousin for the frizbee.

We left George on Thursday night and flew down to Cape Town for 4 days of holiday, just us three. Zack managed to sleep really well most nights (despite the teething) and we were even able to lie in for 3 mornings until 8am ! We were out for lunch yesterday with Keith's mum and dad (who had driven down to Cape Town see some friends), and discovered that Zack had two tiny teeth peeping through is gums : Everything they say about the temperatures, the noxious poos, and mizzy babes is true - we just hadn't put it all together in an equation that equalled TEETH.



Zack with mum and dad on Chapman's Peak and views over Hout Bay - it was very windy !

Zack and David at the family get together in Cape Town on Sunday.

Steve gets down to Zack's level at the party.

sleep skebenga

Well, our nights continue to be disturbed by the nasty sleep skebenga (thief, bandit - Zulu orig.) and what is a girl to do ? Other than guessing, guessing, guessing and trying plans A, B and C to try and correct things, there ain't much. Talking to the mates, it sounds like all our little 'uns are doing the same thing at the moment. My friend Amy is trying the 'controlled crying' method, because it worked for Trish & Caitlin. I did that one morning, and Zack DID eventually pop off, once he'd realised I wasn't going to come and pick him up. It's an emotionally taxing exercise though - I cannot lie. And it seems so much easier to go and pick them up, but at what cost ? They have to learn to sleep, and yes, the magic phrase "self console". How nasty is that ! ? !

Be that as it may, once we're up in the mornings, we are full of beans and the sunshine is keeping us upbeat. Today my aunt popped in for a visit, and brought Zack his first ball. Here are the two of them together.


Roll on Saturday when Keith arrives. We can't wait !

More bubs into the world

It certainly has been a busy year in the reproduction department, and we're not talking photocopiers...


Congratulations to Jerome and Stephanie on the birth of their gorgeous baby boy - Daniel



Congratulations to Roelof and Sonel on the birth of the cutest little girl - Moné, born on November 3rd

sleep and feeding : the eternal issues

Zack slept like a log last night and I felt like a million bucks this morning as a consequence. The previous night he'd been up having a cry at 2AM, 3:15AM and 4AM and i finally took him to my mum at 5:20AM as she was awake. I was shattered. I've been reading Gina Ford's guidance notes on eating, and it seems to indicate that if he eats well during the day, ie. his calorie intake is good, he's likely to sleep better at night and not wake from hunger. Who's to say that he's waking from hunger each time though... some nights I just don't know ! ? ! I think his 3:30AM waking is a bad habit, that's all. For the rest... who knows ?

A good friend Katey has lent me another book on babies and sleeping (it's american, I'll find the title and post it here soon) and it says "Sleep begets Sleep", which means that he should have enought sleep during the day, so that he'll sleep well at night. I dipped into Gina Ford's parenting tips book and she seems to say the same thing (but with a few extra inclusions eg. quiet, regular sleeping space, etc).

My only anxiety at the moment is his lack of eating at 6PM. He is behaving very badly at dinner time. Last night he wouldn't take anything from me : I'd carefully made up freshly cooked & pureed carrots and potato. He would eat pear wedges, but none of the mush. I then left it to my mum to feed him a bowl of cereal. He is such a boy - he is on a cereal phase at the moment : it's all he'll eat that's mushy. He doesn't like butternut anymore. At all. If he doesn't like food, he just sprays it out all over whatevers in front of him. I think it's naughty behaviour. What does one do ?

He has moved to Gina Ford's schedule though, which is something. We are now into regularly waking and sleeping routines. He USUALLY wakes up between 5 and 6AM when he goes and plays with his Nana. This is going to be a problem when we're in London, as neither Keith nor I are going to be prepared to get up at that time. Thankfully it's still dark, so maybe that'll help. He's sleeping now everyday between 9 and 10AM and 1 and 2PM. It's like clockwork, which makes things much more predictable.

I am now keeping an eating and sleeping diary so that I can see if there's a pattern - hence my knowing that he's definitely sleeping at those times. It's useful, but I don't think it solves all your problems.



We bought a baby backpack today - it'll be great for our holiday in 2 weeks time, as we can abandon the pram and carry Zack like this wherever we decide to walk.

I look forward to keith's arrival on Saturday morning. We miss him so very much !

what a cutie pie !

Zack has discovered hours of pleasure are to be had examining oneself in the mirror. Awesome !

just cooling off

So far, we're still adjusting to being here in South Africa. Zack is sleeping in the oddest patterns and just will not go down, even when he's desperately tired. Today, for example, he grizzled and grizzled in his cot for about 30 minutes without going to sleep, so I took him out and we went outside and sat in a tub in the garden. It's really very hot at the moment, so it was quite soothing. The upshot of it all was that he dropped off immediately after we'd re-dressed him. The only problem is that I can't do that at 2, or 3 or 4am. We just have to feed him, or console him, to try and get him back to sleep. Travelling really does throw their little cycles.

Today was my brother's birthday, which was a treat. I am seldom in town for it, so we got together for a BBQ and he and his girlfriend, Kelly, stayed on until the late evening. It is good to see him, and Zack loves interacting with boys.

safely in S. A.

Huge thanks go to Trish for giving me the number of a taxi co that would take us to the airport with a baby seat. We arrived at around 5:30pm for a flight at 9pm so there was oodles of time and I felt very relaxed and able to cope. Our flight was fine - you can't expect miracles - Zack slept for about 3 hours between 1am and 4am, and I got to watch "The Devil Wears Prada", which I'd hoped to see. I even caught the tail end of "Cars" (Pixar).

We are now ensconsed in my mum's new pad in Fairland, and it is lovely and roomy. We hit the shops yesterday afternoon and got the necessary items for the young 'un, and he now has a high-chair at his Nana's - all our needs are met.

People at the airport and at the supermarket yesterday were eager to tell me that Zack is very FAT. Ah-huh. Whatever !


Zack takes a bath in the sink last night - it's just the right size.

He's still adjusting to the time zone I think as the sleep patterns are haywire, but we'll give it a few days before getting anxious.

Johannesburg is a sight : beautiful Jacaranda trees in full bloom are everywhere, and it's very hot and dry.

We miss Keith tho'

take it off !

Zack's cast came off on Thursday morning to a huge sigh of relief from mum, and general pleasure from hospital staff. We have a check up in 3 months time - no physio necessary either.

We are packing to go to South Africa tomorrow night.

What the week has held

As I mentioned in the 'kaput' entry, I haven't been coping very well, at all, of late. I'm finding the full-time mummy thing a real challenge, one which gets ontop of me a little too regularly for my liking. Keith has been a honey and worked from home a few hours this week, while I've had some time to sleep. I got an extra 4 hours yesterday which felt great.

What's made me realise how rotten things are is my coping skills. Usually I get annoyed at the stupidity that i have to live with, for example... "where have I put the house keys, again?". I get really angry with myself and incredibly frustrated at the ridiculous things that I do - things that I've never done in my life. Last week, I left my keys in the car one evening, and the next morning, Keith took the only OTHER set of keys we have to work with him (well, they're on his key-ring so it's unavoidable). It would, necessarily be on the day when I CANNOT live without the car - I was leading bible study in Limehouse and looking after Caitlin. Trish was a honey and stepped up to the plate by bringing Caitlin over here, but I had to cancel on the biblestudy girls. It was just too much. Yes, friends keep saying to me, "Ruth, don't do so much. Do less!" yeah, yeah. I know I should, I just want to be me. Me would easily have coped with those two things. What's the problem ??

I can't put it down to much more than lack of sleep. My nutrition is A++ (hell, I'm eating enough fruit, veg, meat, carbs, cake, chocolate and drinking plenty of water and a cup of coffee each day). My health hasn't been good though - I've had this lingering chest and sinus infection for weeks now. Last Friday I went to the doctor for even more anti-biotics, so it looks like I may yet kick this. I've been inhaling lots of steam at night too, which aught to do the trick. I get quite depressed thinking about it all.

What makes me feel really cheerful though is Zack's little smile...


... and hugs and kisses from Keith...

... and the thought that on Wednesday morning next week I will be in Johannesburg with my mum, Andy, Kelly, mum-in-law, Sal, friends, aunts and cousins. Bring it on !!! Basically it all adds up to a bit more help.

Keith and I have chosen to live in the UK, and to drink the cup that is life here. That does mean that we have to swim solo as a little family, but there's no law against stopping at the fuel depot every now and then.

Tomorrow is Zack's big "take it off ! take it off!" day. We are having the cast off at 9:50am and then x-rays to be sure all is well. We'd appreciate your prayers and good wishes.

together time

Trish and I are sharing child-care. She looked after Zack on Tuesday while Shirley (my aunt, visiting from Johannesburg) and I went up to Stoke Newington and Islington. I looked after Caitlin on Thursday when Trish had a meeting with the gallery owner she's showing with next year. I took some cute pics of the kids together.

kaput

Zack (plaster not in view) and his dad

I'm not doing well at all. It's been so great having my aunt staying with us, but other than that I am not coping. I'm now onto a 5-day course of Amoxicillin to try and clear this infection, Zack is still not sleeping through despite our best efforts - big meals, paracetamol, etc - and I think he's suffering from awful constipation too. Besides the teething that is. Keith's tooth crumbled last night before supper, so he's off for some emergency dental work in the middle of next week (yes, first free moment). My post-wisdom hole is healing well (at least that's one thing).

I guess life just gets too much sometimes. I had a good week about 2 or 3 weeks ago and I felt like I was getting on top of things. I was efficient and managed to line up some quotes for the house's 'to do' list. It just goes in fits and starts. You don't just suddenly get your groove back... it takes time.

I've decided not to beat myself up about not getting to gym. It's just not possible - there isn't always time and I don't have someone to look after Zee - and ontop of it all, I'm sick, so I shouldn't be working out. You still beat yourself up about the money though, don't you ?


Zack with Cameron and Cathy (family visiting from Cape Town)


Zack taking a nap on his great Aunt's lap. It's Oh So Comfy !!


Zack sleeps while mum and Aunty Shirl go for a walk next to the Thames

I'm hoping that more sleep and a more sedate pace of life, will help me get back up and running soon.

cast communique 2

Yesterday we went for a check-up at the Royal, with our pretty Spanish Orthopedic surgeon. She is happy that Zack is making good progress and we will be back on the 19th of October to have his cast removed, and another x-ray done. The cast hasn't moved, which means that it's in a good position. Zack hasn't been in pain (that we can see) since last Saturday, so all is well.

I've been working like a mad thing this week, so we haven't had as much time together as Zee would like. It's always a toss-up between being too involved with your child and teaching it to play independently. But that is now done, and we are all looking forward to two weeks of quality time with his Great Aunty Shirley. She arrives tomorrow morning from South Africa.

In an attempt to get on top of the weaning issue, we have bought three books :
Gina Ford (evil queen of baby routines)
Annabel Karmel (baby food guru)
NCT - first foods and weaning

We hope to establish some good eating habits with the help of these. It all seems like an enormous challenge - I really don't want to be fighting with Zack about getting him to eat... it seems that you either have an "eater" or a "sleeper", is it possible to have both ?

six months means half way to 1

Zack is now six months old. what happ'ned ?

He has been joined in the last week, by three new friends :

Alexandra Andrews born last Tuesday. Congratulations to Yunhui, David and little Eppie


Timothy Bray on Sunday 24th Sept - Congratulations to Jenny & Richard

and Stephanie Bayley Dickinson also, on Sunday 24th Sept. Congratulations to Theresa and Dave.

cast comunique 1

Had an appointment at the Royal London's fracture clinic with the orthopedic surgeon. She tried to put the wind up me saying that Zack might need to go for a general anaesthetic today so that they can fit a new cast. That was completely out of the blue ! (I'm not sure why people do this... read on). Two staff members looked at his X-rays and then we were whisked off to the plaster room where they replaced his 'half cast' with a complete one. We even got to choose the colour and design - in an NHS hospital. Sadly the football motif was the only one not in stock (yeah, Keith and I, the last of the great footie fans), so I went for blue which won't show up the poo. The new cast goes as high up the leg as possible and back down to the toes (like the previous one). It is bright royal blue.

We went for an X-ray once the cast was hard, to see how the bone was sitting and whether or not they were going to have to consider the G.A. It didn't take long and we were back at the fracture clinic where they looked at the X-ray and decided it was all good to go. No need for the full body cast, no need for the G.A. Hhhmmm.... not sure what was going on this morning ?! Perhaps they make it their mission to scare the pants off you, so that if you are abusing your child, you don't do it again/ you stop. Lovely.

One of the girls from my NCT class lives a block and half from the hospital and we haven't seen one another over the summer, so Zack and I popped into Sandy's place for a visit with her and little Cloe. Cloe and Zack are exactly one month apart in age (she is one month older). We had a fun time - Cloe is a delight - just as full of smiles as Zack. It was wonderful to be in a home with lots of laughter and giggles, considering how delicate I'm feeling.

I had a wisdom tooth extracted yesterday at noon - it only took 1 minute and 20 seconds to take out (I was amazed - I'd been watching the clock), and I was free to go home. Corne had been looking after Zack, so I headed back to pick the bub up. By last night my mouth felt like it had been hit with a baseball bat. And we had to be up and heading for the bus by 8:15am this morning. Yes, it's been a bit rough at Chez Guthrie of late.

I feel awful : zack in plaster

Zack rolled over off his changing unit yesterday morning, and fell onto the floor. I was standing right there, and had just turned to put his nappy in the bin. He cried and cried - he let me hold him for more than an hour while the crying came and went. I wasn't sure if he'd just concussed himself, or if there was something more serious because he could move his arms and legs, hands and toes, his head from side to side, and was quite lucid. A little later, I tried to see if he would stand supported on my lap, but he wouldn't put any weight on his left leg, and I thought it was looking a bit swollen (it is so hard to tell as his legs are so chubby), so I went off to A&E at the Royal. The girls there were very sweet, and said that it happens often. I felt just awful - so guilty for changing his nappy, AND I'd been saying that he needed to be watched on raised surfaces. Boy oh boy.

Initially they thought it might just be sprained... all the while telling me how often this happens. But once we'd been for a few xrays, they could see that he'd fractured his femur above the knee. Plaster is what they do and Zack now has a cast from his hip to his toes. Poor little guy! I feel just terrible, and keep contemplating all that he'll be missing out on in the next 6 weeks. He's been SO mobile lately, wriggling around, flipping himself over at every opportunity. Well, that's how it happened, but still... I feel just awful about it.

I was saying to Keith, that the upside is that Zack did it while I was looking after him, and not Keith. We both laughed, but it's true - I would have been angry and annoyed at Keith, whereas Keith is being very supportive. Still, I feel awful about it happening. I can't even say, "I wasn't there." I was. If I didn't feel guilty about being a mummy, I do now.

Zack is doing OK - despite being in pain last night, he slept well, and was chipper and his usual self this morning. He's frustrated that he can't roll over, so I'm spending more time 'supervising' and assisting play, but we'll take it a day at a time. Poor little chap.

zackapoopalopalous

We have had our first family holiday in Greece - on the island of Skiathos. Zack made his entrance, and hence the title of this entry, with a big BANG. He made the biggest poo in Zack-history, as we landed. I was wearing a white blouse. Once inside the terminal building, the queue to the ladies loo was a mile long, and there weren't any baby changing facilities, so I found a corner in the arrivals hall and stripped the boy down, and between Keith and I we managed to clean him completely. I am now a good boy scout - I am ALWAYS PREPARED! Only snag was that I usually expect my trousers / skirt to get trashed in the event, but this was a first for the upper garment of the mother. Thankfully our suitcase soon came off the carousel and I could slip out of the yellow number, and into something fresh. Oh the joys !

Despite advice to the contrary we pursued feeding Zack 'solids' while away on holiday: he had apple cereal most days (not always for breakfast tho), and some water. The package holiday people supplied a travel cot for the little 'un, and it was fine - except that he was right next to our bed, so we woke up with every noise he made. It wasn't the most restful time I must confess - Keith and I slept best when the other had taken Zack off for a walk. Note to self for future holidays : we MUST have a separate room for baby !



Greece's weather never fails to deliver so we all got a bit of sun, and I was a faithful lotion applier, and am very proud of myself. Zack is barely a different shade from when he departed, unlike Mum who has a bit of a tan and plenty freckles. Yes, freckles are something I want to save Zack from - well, certainly the kind of "sun damage" freckles that I have. He took a bit of convincing to wear his sun-glasses (Baby Banz) but we finally got him into them one afternoon and he seemed quite happy. The only hiccup was the nose pieces pressed into his face, and he had marks when we took them off - he doesn't really have a bridge yet, his nose is quite flat.



The trusty McLaren pram/buggy came everywhere with us... on and off every conceivable form of transport (except our scooter), and I confess it's looking a little dusty and bashed. It's quite resilient though, and everything still functions - we even dragged it backwards through the beach-sand (you'll find that it's easier to do this than to try and push). We discussed the merits of prams very briefly with Jackie and Claudio (mates that were already out there on holiday) - Claudio's boss has told him that she went through at least twenty different prams with her two boys. I find that very difficult to believe, but even if it's true, who in their right mind would spend in excess of £3000 on prams ? Maybe she would like to part with the 18 or so that she didn't like - I'm sure we can find a noble cause ? ! !