Basically he's deficated all over Xmas

Our Christmas period has been held to ransom by our 8-year-old. There have been highs but there have been significant lows. He goes into a hole and he takes us all with him. I'm sick to death of it - it's just bullsh*t. A family of four has to lock into a child of eight's emotional yo yo'ing. It's total and utter kak! If he's getting his own way, then it's all A-okay, but if he's frustrated, upset, can't do what he wants to, then we all have to go into free-fall, shit hole, crap city. I don't think so. He has an appointment with a psychiatrist in the New Year. I will soon be making an appointment with a second psychiatrist to get a second opinion. The problem with psychiatry is that child development is still in its infancy, if not, its teens. "they" don't really know do "they"?!! It's a guessing game. When you look online and you talk to people, they are either in camp A = medicating their children with Ritalin and god-knows-what-else; or camp B = natural remedies and therapy (and that's IF their kids will talk).There's the myriad of approaches in between. We have to fall in there somewhere. What else is there to do ? Zack is angry. Zack is eight years old. Why is he angry ? We don't know. He can't tell us. Everyone has to guess. But in the interim, we all have to live in the tsunami that is his reality : up - down - up - down. Our wagon is hitched to his wagon and it's the wrong way round. He is a child. He needs to feel safe. But he tries EACH AND EVERY DAY to wrestle power from his parents. He wants to dictate how this goes, but I dig my heels in and Daddy is softer than me. So it ends up being inconsistent. It's infuriating.
My line now is to just remove myself whenever he exhibits behaviour that is undesireable : he shouts at me, I leave. You try and be physical with me (pushing or physically threatening), I leave - usually after trying to go the humorous route. You're rude to me, I leave. You are demanding AFTER bed time, I leave (he will try almost ANYTHING to get you to give him attention after bedtime). You attack your younger brother during the day, without provocation, we leave. You swear, we leave. You break the agreed parameters, we leave. Isolation seems to be the only way to deal with him.
Zack has very little understanding of "you did this, it's your doing. There are consequences for the things you've done." He often responds in a pickle with, "it's NOT MY FAULT!!!!" And I respond, "I'm afraid it is your fault Zack. You did this. And this is the consequence of your action." He hates that. His therapist says he doesn't want to face reality - oh. so. true.
I'm so so so tired of the approach that says we need to treat him like a 2 year old. When I do that, he just takes the piss. Yeah! Yeah! his therapist says that he is not responsible, he makes no connections. That he is a child, ENTIRELY driven by IMPULSES. He doesn't know what he's doing. He sees no connection between how he behaves (when he's "overwhelmed by his emotions") and the consequences (our frustration and exasperation; and worse - injuring other children, saying things that are completely inappropriate)
There are so many fears out there - what will he be ? what's the worst thing he'll do ? how "damaged" will he be at the end of all these years of childhood ? is he resilient ? why can't I fix it ? how can I protect him ? How do I prepare him for adulthood (surely that's my biggest responsibility?)... But fear is not a good motivator. Recognising that he and I are separate (yes, this is particularly hard for a mother to do. surprise, surprise!) and that I am NOT responsible for who he is, what he does, or the outcome of his actions.
Late at night, when he has mastered his emotions and has perspective on his day (useful, but also entirely useless), he can see how A led to B. But when he's in the midst of it, he is overwhelmed by how he "feels" and is unable to master these feelings, he is just the whirlwind into which we all get sucked. It's exhausting because just like he denies any culpability, he despises having to re-visit any of his transgressions. Nighttime is the only time we can, so it makes nighttime hard. We can't do it every night. Gotta time it right.
My New Year's resolution on the 28th of December is : we gotta fix this! I think that some drugs may be the answer. Time will tell.

my favourite cartoonist produces something likened to Zack on a happy day... Most people on a happy day to be fair... BUT: reality check!! : no-one really cares, unless you're 1 Direction or Kim K

how deep is the hole ?

It has been an shockingly difficult few weeks with Zack. His behaviour has completely nose-dived in the past 18 days. Is it the end of term ? What has precipitated this ? We've spent time thinking and talking about it. Keith was away in the States 6 weeks ago. I was away in Jordan 3 weeks ago. So yes, there's been some 'missing' bodies from home; but the rest of the activities and commitments have remained the same - unchanged, predictable. We've been in regular contact while away - both Keith and I. We constantly reassure that we'll be back, and do in fact return.
Things at school came to a head two weeks ago on Friday 5 December. Zack did something he shouldn't have. It was significant enough for us to write to the headteacher over the weekend about it. We were called in for a meeting. We have since had a second meeting with the teacher, senco and our therapist. Zack has continued to free-fall into one transgression after the next. I was very relieved that the end of term rolled around on Friday. I don't think anyone had any energy left.
It's not been great. Zack has feigned the suicidal thing again. He is very rough with Keith and I. There are times when I wonder "what next?". It's scary.
My dear friend X has said to me again and again, you need to move him to another school. We would if we had one. I think we need to renew our efforts and the search.

another gold nugget

So the Christmas season is fast approaching and Calvin has been giving it a lot of thought - as he is want to do. One night at bedtime he comes out with this absolute gem...

Calvin : I know what I want to be one day Mommy
Me : Oh really. That sounds good. tell me what it is ?
Calvin : I want to be a postman. In Lapland.
Me : Aaahhh. And why is that ?
Calvin : So that I can deliver the mail to Santa and see him.
Me : (raised eyebrows) Wow! I'd never thought of that. What a great job. You could !

The discussion went on some, but what a bright little imp he is. And cunning - he's been drafting a letter to Santa since September, and often dropped the question, "Is Father Christmas real?". My standard reply has been that if you believe in him, he is real. Some discussion about staying up late has elicited the standard-parental-line, "If you aren't asleep, he won't come".

The smart little mind has confounded all the theory and gone straight to the home address - Lapland. And who would have free access to that address ? the postman.

He did concede that it'll be pretty cold up there.