out of touch ?

Well, yesterday was the big "packing up" day and all of our worldly possessions are now in a van somewhere on the A12. Zack has been really psyched about the move, jumping around and shouting. He's decided that his bed, and mummy and daddy's bed are going in his room! It's very emotional saying goodbye to everything here in the East of London, after almost 9 years in the area. But we've had a chance to say our farewells to each group of friends, and Zack's nursery friends too, so I don't feel like we're rushing out the door. As luck would have it, I'm back at church tomorrow for a cookery course, Zack has a birthday party in the afternoon, and I have a party in the evening too, so we'll hardly be gone for 20 hours!

Full On
The daunting task of caring for two little people at home 24/7 now lies ahead of me, but I'm hoping that I'll quickly find mum & tot groups to attend, and that going to church on Sunday will open doors to local goings-on and a mum's bible study too. Whew! Big changes.
We are saying goodbye to our nanny, Kelly, who lives in south-east London. It's too far for her to travel on Mondays and Fridays. We are very sad to see her go, but I'm hoping that we'll be able to stay in touch. Zack is very fond of her, and she of him – it's much more than just a job.
I'm not sure at this point in time what the child-care arrangements are going to be. I've looked into the two Montessori schools nearby. There is a nursery over-the-road, so I'll check that out next week. I'll need to start interviewing baby-sitters again, so there's a list of things for me to do in that regard.

at least poo washes off

Today Zack found a permanent marker - yes, I am entirely to blame (packing up house means there are scissors, packing tape and marker pens lying around) - and coloured in his bed linen and his toy monkey. God is very wise and allows time to pass and for you to see the funny side of things. If I'd been writing this at 2:30pm today I would have had to censor the entry - I was fuming. They aren't wrong when they say that you must tackle stains immediately because I did manage to get most of it off monkey's face, but I'm afraid his body and tail are "coloured in" for life.


Blessed relief:
Calvin is now sleeping for more than 6 hours at a stretch! So we are getting more sleep and feeling a little more able. Now all I have to do is get Keith to go to bed before 12:30 and we'll have made progress :(

unhappy puppy

You could say that I am grumpy. I don't think that I've ever had a "cold" (NHS for viral infection) that has been this painful before IN MY LIFE. My throat and sinuses are so sore that I want to just start drinking & sniffing anaesthetic. I feel like the back of my throat is covered in lesions - every swallow is excruciating. The inside of my mouth feels like I've burnt it, which makes me wonder whether I don't have oral thrush - I caught it from Zack when he was very small, so I do have some memory of that experience. The one good thing is that my nose is relatively clear, so I can actually breath. But that's where it stops. I took a good look at myself in the mirror this afternoon and thought, "hell, you look like you're on cortisone" - my throat is so swollen that it looks like the underside of my chin and neck have fused. I can't sniff because it's so sore, but blowing my nose is just as painful.
Hey, did I mention that my ears ache too ?

the news

Hurrah ! We will complete on the new house on the 26th of January. Which means we can move in any time after that.
The sad news is that Kelly, our nanny, has decided not to come with us to North London because of the distance. This is really heart-breaking for me as I had so hoped to have some kind of familiarity in the new environment for Zack. But, I suppose, what will be, will be. Perhaps we can arrange a few trips to see Kelly in the first month.
Thankfully, we only have to get ourselves through 4 weeks and then we'll be off to SA & glorious sunshine, and time with family. That should be enough time for me to at least settle us in, find a few kiddy activities nearby, and look at a nursery for Zee.

Every journey starts with a single step. I've called the removal company, so now we need to decided on a date !

Run Down
I am one sick puppy. I've had an ENT infection for nearly 2 weeks now, and the doctor told me to take paracetamol - $&%@”™ idiot ! I've been having progressively worse and worse night's sleep, so I feel pretty broken right now. I took myself off to the doctor again today, and initially she went the Iboprofen / Paracetamol route, and I just thought, "forget this!"... so I had a jolly good cry and said that it wasn't good enough. That I needed to be healthy to cope with being a mother, and that paracetamol, et al, wasn't cutting it. She said I needed rest. I told here, there is no rest with 2 children. She said I should speak to my health visitor. Yeah, yeah, haven't we heard that one before. In the end she gave in and prescribed some penicillin. I'm hoping it'll make a difference because I could happily cut my head off at the moment, it feels so awful. I'm sure my glands in my throat are the size of plums. Swallowing is an effort. And on top of it all, I still have very swollen eye-lids after 7 days. Thankfully you can't prescribe paracetamol for that too! She said it's probably a viral conjuctivitis so I need to bathe them with distilled water. Watch this space....

backwards is forwards

Zack is now walking backwards with confidence. You may think, "so what?!" but it's a significant developmental milestone. He is still crazy about cars, building roads out of bricks and blocks, and his trainset. His behaviour continues to be up & down: we have the most delightful moments when we giggle together and tell one another 'secrets', and egg each another on to do silly things, but he is struggling to control his feelings of frustration. The latest outlet is spitting and rasberries. I tell myself, it could be worse, but it still needs to be monitored. There is a thin line between a casual rasberry and defiance, disrespect and just plane rude.
Calvin is doing well - he is now lifting his little feet up and kicking his baby gym dangle-doodads. He's interacting more and more, catching your eye across the room and giving you a big smile. He is determined to eat his fingers, which may (or may not) be the early signs of teething.
My neighbour, Huma, came to tea yesterday and we chatted about all things baby. She mentioned that she'd been for a BCG with Aneeq at the Barkantine, and they'd given him an out of date one, and admistered it incorrectly. She is a paediatrician so would notice if someone had pinched the skin or not, etc etc. It made me take a look at Calvin's immunisation chart, and I saw that I haven't had ANY of them (besides the BCG, which is an enormous, swollen, ugly scab on his shoulder right now). What's the matter with me ? He's missed his 8 week, his 12 week and his 16 week jabs. Consequently we have an appointment on Monday morning at 8:15am for the first round! Naughty mummy.

two things...

I've given up the unequal struggle and am now formula-feeding Calvin 100%. Unfortunately there is almost no way of keeping up when bottles are easy to drink from. Now that I've tried to express to chase up the milk production I can see just how little is being produced by moi. Well, 4 months is better than a kick in the pants eh ?!

Having listened to well-meaning mummies, and parenting books, all of whom have their own agendas, I am encouraged by some reading I did in the Good Book last night :
Proverbs 18:18
Discipline your son while there is hope,
And do not desire his death.
Proverbs 22:15
Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child;
The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.
Proverbs 23:13
Do not hold back discipline from the child,
Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die.

Sometimes you get so tired of "drawing the line" and telling them off. But reading this makes me see that I need to just persevere. And.. before you freak out and call the NSPCC try reading these in context - what the themes are, who wrote Proverbs, and why.

Congratulations - London & Mackay!

Huge congratulations to my cousin Christopher, Sarah and little Lucas on safe arrivals on the 29th of Dec. Chris, he looks like a real little bossie. Sarah - hope you're doing OK after the C-section honey. Take things easy if you can.

Congratulations to my mate Kim and her partner Nick on the birth of little Stanley - eagerly anticipated. Well done you two !

we love trains and cars

Zack is a typical boy - he just loves cars. He got a train set for Christmas from us, and is FINALLY learning to play by himself. It is a real help, as we've been trying to encourage it for ages.

chrissy

Calvin is making good progress and the current stage is staring intensely at his hands - "What are these things?" - he goes quite squint with the effort. He is full of smiles and giggles too, which makes for great relief from the toddler tantrums with his older brother. Only frustration in the last 24 hours has been his resistance to breast-feed. He went purple last night, crying, because mummy wanted him to take the breast and he was having none of it. It's annoying because the bottle is obviously easier to feed from, but if I don't keep up the feeding that'll be it. I am too tired to express milk every 3 hours.

For a little Festive Fun, we took Zack on the carousel at the O2 on Saturday night. Initially he wasn't sure about the motion of forward and up & down at the same time - we had just eaten dinner. But by the second or third revolution it was all smiles and waving at mummy and the camera. Of course it was, "Let's do it again!" when they got off.

Pineapple

Granny has gone home and we miss her alot. We had a lovely moment with Zack, when she'd been saying to him, "Zack you are my honey-bun, sugar-lump" and he responded with, "Granny, you are my pineapple". Aren't kids great ! ? !

Calvin is doing well, and getting heavier. His head's still quite wobbly, but he's getting some tummy time and I hope that'll remedy things. He is full of smiles and chatter, it's really cute to see his personality coming through now. He spends alot of time staring at his hands, and clasping them together.


Zack is as "spirited" and "lively" as ever. We had a helluvah weekend with him, and Keith and I were both pretty tired of his tantrums and bad behaviour by the end of it. How many times can a kid go to his room in one day ? But then yesterday (Monday) was great, and we played with his cars on the lounge carpet for most of the day - his current favourite activity - and we went for a haircut which he was very brave doing. He was most upset by the hair in his mouth, but by the end had a lolly in his hand (also with hair on it, but he didn't seem to care) and was marching determinedly out the door. He is putting prepositions into sentences now and it's made for even better conversations and role playing. When it comes to giving instructions (which Zack is very good at! LOL) it has changed things forever. We really do know where we stand now.

way away

Yeah, sorry - no news for two weeks because we've been away in Devon (Dartmoor National Park), and pushing forward on the house-purchase, and juggling balls, and being a mummy, and co-ordinating calendars, and looking for a baby-sitter, hosting visitors, planning Xmas day, etc etc.
Good news is that Christmas came early for me this year in the form of Keith's mum. While we've been away she's faithfully got up each morning at around 4am and fed Calvin so that I can sleep. Wow! I really do feel like a different person. He is thriving and smiling more and more. He can be very chatty and likes to gurgle and coo - it's all very endearing.
Zack has been a little bored being away with no other children to play with, and a limited selection of toys. That said, we made an effort to take him outside and "run him" around - the golf driving range, the trampoline, the grounds of where we were staying. You could say that he is still very spirited, and it certainly kept mummy and daddy on their toes with all the 'acting up' while we were away. Now that we're back in London, in a routine, with all the usual faces and activities, he's like a different child. Yesterday, he was the happiest I've seen him in a long while – rushing around with Kelly, hugging and kissing us all, playing games, singing songs and being the delightful Zack we know so well. Amazing!
Tomorrow is Calvin's follow-up appointment with Dr. Moncado and we'll see what she has to say about a) his weight gain b) his head control c) other concerns she may have thought of in the interim.

He's a genius I tell you !

Zack is totally a genius... take a look at this drawing and tell me he isn't years ahead of his age!

A scarecrow I am told... tho' it may be just a head, eyes and hair.
Still, I'm am way, way, way impressed with my son's drawing ability.

Ah, go 'n boil your 'ed

Whoop-dee-doo! Back at the health visitor again today. Calvin has gained all of 200g since last week - this means that he weighs nearly what Zack did when he was born (3.87kgs). The reason for the visit however, was the doctor's concern over Calvin's head control. As it turns out, they feel things haven't improved at all. That said, she also found fault with his breathing - as I've mentioned before, he has had a cold for sometime (in fact we all have), which makes his breathing quite laboured when he drinks milk. When he's relaxed, his breathing is just fine. She said that what worried her was that he may have a complication with his larynx - a condition she had seen before in slightly prem babies. And then the real gem: he has mottled skin ! She wanted to know if his skin had always been like that. I said yes, and that I had taken it for healthy fat. She did the pressure test to see if his circulation had been affected by the dread-mottled-ness. All fine!
I am completely defensive about all of this. I have a fat rant at Keith after each doctor's appointment. What makes me mad is that it is ALL negative news. Everything that gets discussed is under-this, behind-that, not developed-the next thing. There's not one mention of what's going right. If I wasn't a second time mum, I'd be a bit suicidal by now, in fact, I would've checked myself into the hospital to get this all sorted out - once and for all.
Apparently we'll get a paediatric referral if things haven't improved with his head-control, next time. Maybe that isn't a bad thing.

"Yesterday" – discussing time with Zack
Zack is growing more and more curious about time. He now often asks me "what's the time Mummy?", and when I pick him up from play-school, he'll say "it's not late ?". Our favourite though, is the use of the word "yesterday": Zack uses it for all things past tense. This could mean an hour ago, earlier today, yesterday (for real), last week, or even last month. It's really cute, but can be helluv confusing for anyone who's listening to Zack's story of what's transpired in his recent experience. It seems like yesterday was the busiest day in any human being's life, when in fact, it's just the concertina effect of time.

Breast vs. Bottle
I'm feeling a bit despondent about breast-feeding. I'm trying as hard as I can to keep Calvin on the breast, but he finds the bottle pretty easy to feed from (even tho' I'm using those 0+months teats), and loses interest in the breast after more than 20/25 mins. Sometimes it doesn't feel like he's completely drained it either. I keep thinking I should go back to breast-only, and that way my milk supply will pick up and stay up. In the current situation I feel like my milk production is slowing down as the formula-use continues (with no end in sight because of the weight-gain issues). Hmmm... what to do ?

shattered, but fatter

Hurrah! the child weighs 500g more than last week = 3.7kgs. Our efforts at extra feeding have paid off and the lady at the clinic is pleased too. I still have to go next week for the check-up regarding his neck/shoulder strength, but hey... small victories.
At what price ? Well, we are more sleep deprived than we've been in some time. I'm shedding obligations like a persian cat near a velvet jacket, in an attempt to stay sane. We're taking it in turns to sleep between 5am and 7am. Keith has an awful cough that he can't kick, which is keeping him up. We all have stuffy noses - thankfully, I seem to be getting over mine.

I don't know about you, but there are few things more yuck-O than toddler's green, slimey or crusty noses. If I get the chance I'm shoving a tissue at Zack and telling him to blow. This morning I had, had it, and got out some ear-buds and cleaned Zack's nose. He had a model nose after that for all of 30 minutes, until it started streaming. Tsk tsk... nice one Ruth.

two months and nothing to celebrate

Mums don't have a lot of good to say about "health visitors"... perhaps we're all so tired, and so emotional; and they so seldom have anything comforting or congratulatory to say, that the cumulative effect is bad karma. I'm not sure; but I can say that right now I'm feeling pretty hard done by. Today was Calvin's "six week check", altho' he is 2 months old. The negative feedback I got was:
a) he has poor head control (ie. no shoulder strength)
b) he is malnourished - only weighs 3.2kgs at 8 weeks
I'm gutted! I've felt horribly emotional about it all day. I followed the health visitor's advice and topped up his midday feed with formula. By 5:30pm he had vomited up most of his milk of the afternoon - all over himself, the car seat, zack's jacket. I think the hardest thing to stomach is the fact that I've been getting up 2 or 3 times a night to feed him, and he's "malnourished". It just all seems so pointless to me ! I'm hardly in good shape, I have very little patience, am exhausted and my reward - a starving baby ! Fanks alot.

an audience

Andy, my brother, arrived yesterday morning from Johannesburg, to spend 9 days with us. It is just fabulous having him here, and not just for me but for Zack and Keith and Calvin too - in order of enthusiasm! Andy has boundless "uncle-energy" for Zack and doesn't tire of the "do it again" demands. It's been a fun 2 days, and I'm looking very forward to a bit of "alone time" with Andy this week when m'lord is at nursery and out with Kelly at the library.

Calvin at 7 weeks yesterday - 18 October 2008

always a battle

I know there are quite a few parents who read this blog, and perhaps one of you can shed a little light on this issue : Why is it always a battle to get a toddler to do something ? They have no concept of time and punctuality. They will not get dressed. They will not get undressed. They will not put their shoes on. They will not go to bed. They will not get into the bath. They will not get out of the bath either. They choose the MOST horrendous moments for picking a fight - like when you are on the phone, and preferably long-distance. Or they throw a tantrum when your husband is on the phone to his boss.
And yet, they can be absolutely charming. Delightful. Innocence itself.
Who is this little Janus-faced monster-angel that inhabits our home ?

In the news : I see I'm not alone.. this poor mum in Munich, Germany, obviously got enough flack from her toddler to make a point. http://www.thelocal.de/14951/20081016/

sh*t city

On Sunday we took mum to a lovely lunch buffet at the Four Seasons Canary Wharf. We were enjoying our meal and taking it in turns to visit the buffet - child supervision in these environments is essential. I stood up to go and help myself to some lunch when I glanced down at Zack's bright blue shirt which had an enormous yellow semi-circle at the bottom. Oh boy ! that can only mean one thing... a HUGE poo ! Problem was that I didn't have any clean clothes for him, and when Keith looked in the baby bag, he couldn't find any wipes either. Sheesh! Zack certainly knows how to choose his moments. He has never missed an embarassing opportunity to poo. I dashed home for clean clothes, and Keith found some wipes on his second look in the baby bag.
We'd recently moved onto Pamper's Pull Up nappies which fit more snuggly than the Baby Dry brand - that could account for some of the mess. It was pretty awful, but thankfully no poo fell on the floor - I would have died if that'd happened. Keith and Zack ended up in the men's loo, where I dropped off the clean clothes. Suffice it to say, they returned clean and shiny and the rest of the afternoon passed without event. What a day!

the ordeal, part 2

Keith was ushered into an adjoining room once I was 'under', and within 10 minutes was aware that Calvin had been born. Obviously I have no memory of what happened, but he tells me that they had to get Calvin breathing and had him under the lights for a while, but he was soon passed to Keith. I'd lost about 3,5 litres of blood (freaks me out, just thinking about it!), so they had to transfuse about 4 units as well as giving me some platelets. Apparently I came out of theatre after 10pm, so it was more than 2 hours. I'm very grateful to the surgeon - she DID do a good job and I have a thin, red line below my current belly (overhang). There weren't really any stitches to see, they were the disolving type. I was pretty exhausted for most of Sunday and don't remember much.
On Monday morning, an old friend of mine, Pohgek, popped in to visit (she'd expected to find me in the antenatal ward, so was a bit surprised to find I'd had the baby) and I was horribly emotional when she walked in - bursting into tears and sobbing. But once I'd had my little moment, I felt much better and it was great to have company.
By Monday afternoon tho' I was feeling much, much better and on Monday night at 11pm they rolled me out of ICU/ HDU and to the post natal ward. I was pretty stoopid tho' and didn't take any pain-killers, so that when I woke up at around 2 or 3 am, I was in A-G-O-N-Y, and had a tiny baby to feed. Thankfully the midwife popped in, took a bottle of formula and fed Calvin while I sat in the bathroom sobbing from pain. Yeah ! the joys.
Tuesday I felt a bit better...
Wednesday I was ready to go home.

visual record : 4 to 5 weeks old

I've realised that there isn't nearly as much time to take photos of your second child as there were with the first. I'm trying to be good and force myself to do so, whenever the opportunity presents itself. Already I feel guilty as we have no videos of young Calvin in his early days - something I must remedy. These were all taken in the last week or so...