Aware

This morning when we were getting ready to go to school, Calvin said to me "In August it is my birthday." I nearly fainted !! How did he know ? Who told him ? He is a genius !

This evening each boy had a chance to say prayers. Zack was silly about it, and then wailed when I said he'd forfeited his chance. Calvin on the other hand, leapt in with "Thank you for soldiers, marching. Thank you for soldiers at the palace. Thank you for August, my birthday party. etc. etc." Zack rallied, and managed to say "Thank you Jesus for ..." each of his friends by name. Bless their socks.

As I was turning the lights off, the phone rang and it was Keith's mum to say that David has passed away while at home in Plumtree, Zimbabwe. He was all of 68 years old, and feeling old but not unhealthy. It seems he died of a heart attack. They're having difficulty contacting his wife and the neighbours (who have a phone). Zack's immediate response was, "Does that mean they're not coming?"
Meaning, Granny & Grandpa.
"No, I said. They'll still come to visit us in England."
"And what about Tessie?" was the next question.
"Yes, I'm sure we'll see Tessie again soon."
"But dogs aren't allowed on planes."
Good point!, "Well," I said, "we'll have to see her next time we're in South Africa."

Blimey

The words are just tumbling out, but they're matched with the emerging will. Zack is stubborn and knows exactly what he wants - how he inherited those traits from us, I do not know? Latest "strop techniques" are slapping, pinching, and the newest of the new - hitting his head against whatever's nearby. It's fine when it's your chest, but not funny when it's your throat, neck or face. He has started biting his own hand again, when he can't get his way in public.
I am incredibly torn about the whole dummy issue at present. I take a firm line during the day, and don't let him have it unless he's sleeping. But the truth is that he sleeps at nursery without it, Mondays and Tuesdays. I do give in when he's going off the deep-end and we need to be somewhere (public) for an extended period of time - if I don't, any kind of social interaction becomes untenable, and I feel "ruled" by a beligerent 20 month old. The truth is that it REALLY calms him down, and will change the situation completely, if he has it. I can see that the Demise of the Dum must come. Perhaps sooner rather than later eh ?

Today we said "mango" for the first time, and we've been spending alot of time on "look" too. I have said "do this, NOW" alot this week, so that's been incorporated too. Altho' saying the word does not equate with obedience, or a sense of urgency.

I have bought a book on development so that I can keep pace with things for the next few years. It's entitled "Bright Start", and is broad in it's scope. After reading the first few chapters on Zack's age group, I was very encouraged by their stand on 'sticking to your guns' (ie. boundaries), being the best gift you can give your child. Zack doesn't like "No" one little bit. A friend of mine is currently working in a social services position where they remove children at risk, from their families, and she said that most of the teenagers she deals with who have huge problems have been allowed to rule their families from day 1 - no boundaries only leads to disaster.

Are you afraid to parent ?
It has occurred to me tho' that living here in the UK, creates its own kinds of phobias. You are always told by "authority figures" (sometimes an author, sometimes a govt child-care worker, sometimes a TV guru, sometimes by another mum, very often tho' it's source-less) that you aren't equipped for this job : You don't really know how to feed your child, discipline your child, raise your child, x your child, y your child. As a result, most parents, who are already feeling decidedly skittish sans-sleep, are driven to the mires of insecurity. "Yes, you're right," they cry, "I am rubbish at all this. Please won't you sell me the means to do it." [Ka-ching!]
Talking to a mate who has 2 kids and is raising them on the continent, it was mentioned that it is not out of the ordinary for a parent to leave their child sleeping at home in the evening, and quickly nip out for 20 minutes to the newsagent, or a pub. Yes, and that means exactly what you're all thinking : the child is at home ALONE. Now, in the UK, you would be imprisoned for that. Funny how social conventions change, and nowadays are underpinned by this culture of fear:

• There are paedophiles everywhere – I can't turn away from my child in a park
• Someone might break in and take him/ her – I can't leave my child asleep in the car, in my garage
  
• I can't nip down to the station and pick up my husband (because it's late and freezing) - there might be a fire at home, and there'd be no-one to rescue our child

Yes, these are all very plausible threats, but exactly HOW real are they ? What are the stats ? How many paedophiles live in my street ? How many kids get stolen out of locked cars, in closed garages, in middle-class neighbourhoods, every day ?

Keith: In each of these scenarios, the consequences for our lives (ie. the loss of a child) is SO great, that any discussion of the realistic probabilities is overshadowed by emotive debate. We regularly put our children into situations (eg. letting them play on a swing) where the probability of the loss of their life is far higher than the above scenarios, but because these are the ones that make news headlines, we react irrationally (with fear) to them.

Toilet Training begins:
We recently bought a toilet seat and step. Zack is like clockwork in the evenings, and will make a poo straight after dinner. We are yet to catch him in time to deposit it in the loo, but he is learning that it goes into the toilet and then flushes it away with a 'bye, bye' to boot! I am encouraged by his awareness. We may get him started in the next little while - won't that be wonderful ?

mr & mrs zimmer

Zack is now well on the way to walking. He insists on being able to hold onto your hands and totter around the flat, the garden, the pavements, the shopping mall, so that he can look at what he wants to see. Keith and I feel like human zimmer frames, heh heh. It won't be long now and he'll be running around.

I am really looking forward to the time when he can stand on his own, but I'm aware that when they're so mobile, you have to keep your eye on them every minute of the day. I had an awful dream last night that Zack went missing. That feeling of dread inside you... I remember talking to the police and constantly looking at the space where he was, and he was gone. I got an email from Kelly recently about the Jamie Bulger case, and it's haunted me ever since. I can think of nothing more evil, and terrible to lose a child to some coniving criminal. It must be terrible to feel completely bereft and unable to fix it. I don't even want to think about what I would become in that situation. It isn't something to dwell on.

Zack is also becoming amazingly stroppy: asserting his will. I can see where the Terrible Twos stories start... he's on his way already. On the one hand it's frustration because he can't tell us what he wants, while on the other, he throws himself around when he can't have his way. Tough life being a toddler, but even tougher being a parent to a toddler.

you wouldn't say so from this photo though, would you ?

We were away on the weekend and it was lovely having the space to let him run around, but it was also really tiring as we had to watch him and 'zimmer' him alot, and he didn't sleep well in the nights AT ALL. So we were both feeling decidedly smashed on Sunday morning. I was counting down to sleeping in our own beds last night !
He travelled very well, and was content to just listen to us while we chatted on the way there (about 2 hours) and napped when he wanted to. It reminded me of those crazy trips I did with my mum to Norfolk, and Keith to Edinburgh when Zack was so small. I was off my head tackling all that !