it's a simile and a sore throat

boys in the maze at Blenheim Palace, near Oxford

Zack is coming along nicely with the homework - why ? Keith (the genius father), discovered that giving points for reading difficult words would be the key. He hands out double points too, for extra difficult words. Zack loves it. At some point there is going to have to be a reward for these points - as yet, it's open season for ideas. Any suggestions, leave me a comment please.
Year One (Zack's class) are studying "Mini Beasts" this term, meaning all things insect, arachnid, arthropod and non-arthropod. The Americans would call them "Bugs" but I guess it's broader than that. He is fascinated by worms and insisted on digging up a few earth worms to take to school for Show-and-Tell. The poor blighters had to sleep in the plastic box (with air-holed lid) overnight before being taken the next morning. You can predict the conversation at breakfast time:
Me: Please can you take your worms out of the kitchen ?
Zack: But Mom.... I have to take them to school for Show-and-Tell
Me: Yes, but they don't have to be in the kitchen
Zack: (whining) Mom....
Me: Love. They can wait for you at the front door. They don't have to be here ontop of the counter where Mommy is making food - it's disgusting.
Zack: Aw Mom.
Me: Please love. Now.
Zack: (unwillingly picks up worms in plastic container) They're not dirty you know!
The teacher insisted that they be brought home again and not released at school. Lol! Gotta love learning.

He's loving language too - must be my child - as he jumped up the other day, while listening to a song on the CD player and said, "mommy! that's a simile. It used "like"...", yes I've said it before: He is a genius.
Zack is also keenly aware of bodies and spiritual matters. He wants to know why people have sexual organs and what they're for. It's a step further than Calvin, who still asks why only boys have willies?
We have had long conversations in the car about Heaven and Hell. What Heaven is like?, who will be there?, will we eat food?, what we're going to do?, etc. It's been testing my theological knowledge somewhat but that's a good thing. I did a heavy study in "Hell" a few years ago, but have never attempted a thorough biblical study of "Heaven"... it may be time. Foundational knowledge is everything.
Seems like everyone is suffering from tonsilitis. Zack is now complaining of a sore "neck" and pointing to his esophagus. He's taken some cough mixture AND sucked cough drops throughout the day. He's not eating much at all and has a nasty cough (when he does cough - which is rarely). I think it's really sore, so it'll be doctor phoning time tomorrow morning.

Aware

This morning when we were getting ready to go to school, Calvin said to me "In August it is my birthday." I nearly fainted !! How did he know ? Who told him ? He is a genius !

This evening each boy had a chance to say prayers. Zack was silly about it, and then wailed when I said he'd forfeited his chance. Calvin on the other hand, leapt in with "Thank you for soldiers, marching. Thank you for soldiers at the palace. Thank you for August, my birthday party. etc. etc." Zack rallied, and managed to say "Thank you Jesus for ..." each of his friends by name. Bless their socks.

As I was turning the lights off, the phone rang and it was Keith's mum to say that David has passed away while at home in Plumtree, Zimbabwe. He was all of 68 years old, and feeling old but not unhealthy. It seems he died of a heart attack. They're having difficulty contacting his wife and the neighbours (who have a phone). Zack's immediate response was, "Does that mean they're not coming?"
Meaning, Granny & Grandpa.
"No, I said. They'll still come to visit us in England."
"And what about Tessie?" was the next question.
"Yes, I'm sure we'll see Tessie again soon."
"But dogs aren't allowed on planes."
Good point!, "Well," I said, "we'll have to see her next time we're in South Africa."

trivia ? for some

Zack is coming on in leaps and bounds with his reading. His teacher is delighted and I think he's feeling really empowered by the whole exercise. It is a wonderful thing to observe.
He struggles with "d" and "b" - transposing them - but I'm sure it'll come with time. The Ruth Miskin literacy programme is working wonders with him, so 'Hurrah for St James!' in promoting it.
Mrs. Piesold, Zack's class teacher, is an incredibly positive and energetic person. She has decided that daily rewards of one star, are not cutting it. She has up'ped it to a maximum of 5 stars a day for good behaviour. Zack is coming home with 4 stars as a rule, which is excellent. Last week we had a friend over to play - Danny. These two don't get on at school, and Zack's first comment when I collect him is often, "Danny only got 2 stars today!" So, there is a lot of competitiveness between them. The play date was a good exercise, but Zack was in tears for the last half hour as Danny didn't want to do what he wanted him to.
In light of that though, Zack had an excellent day last week when he got 5 stars AND won the trophy for Enjoy-a-Ball. As a reward he and I went out for pizza (alone) in Hornsey and he got to choose exactly what he wanted, and to take the bus there and back. It was such a special evening. He must have glowed for about four days afterward. Bless his little socks.
Calvin is putting sentences together. Last Friday (so a week ago), he said very firmly, "We want yoghurt," to which we all laughed. And then on Saturday when he was misbehaving I said to him, "Who wants a shaya (smack, in Zulu) ?", to which he replied, "me!". Keith, Zack and I fell about laughing. He is trying more and more to make himself understood.
He is loving being in the bigger bed, which he calls the "new bed". He shows it to everyone, and will often be the first words off his tongue in the morning...
"Daddy. New bed", he says, pointing.
He is also getting on with the potty training. Tonight was the second time he's made a poo in the potty at bathtime. We all go crazy and praise him, and applaud, so he's getting the message loud and clear.
Nursery is going better and better. He pretends it's really hard to say goodbye, but within in seconds he's stopped crying and having fun with his mates.
It's end of year madness too - so many activities for school. Tomorrow is Cakes for Clothes day, so we were baking most of this afternoon. Tomorrow afternoon is the Christmas Fayre at School. Next week is the Nativity Play, when Zack will be one of the 3 wise men. Part of me wants to point out that there weren't 3, and that the 3 refers to the gifts. Part of me also wants to point out that he's not a "king" (as the school newsletter put it), but a "wise man from the East". Considering it's a Christian School I think it's important to get the facts straight, but hey ho - as Andy always says, "choose your battles Ruth!" I've chosen purple with a gold crown and Zack loves it.

smarty pants

Calvin has been taking clever pills at night - he's suddenly burst forth with words and concepts and a desire to communicate. It's too cute. Obviously this is accompanied by more strident measures in the willpower department, but nevertheless it is still a wonder to observe. He is eager to mimmick Zack and this goes as far as silly dance moves and facial expressions. Calvin can carry on with them for days, long after the novelty has worn off for his big brother. However Zack is still very tender with Calvin and is always keen for a big, outstretched arm, hug - where he can hoist Calvin off his feet. This is the sort of relationship I hope they can sustain for years to come.

Calvin's first real word

He said it on the weekend and I thought it was just fluke, but this morning when I picked him up, I said, "Let's have some breakfast Calvin". And he looked at me, so I said, "lunch", and he said to me, "lunch". So there it is - Calvin's first word, other than "mummy, daddy, and nanny", is "lunch". I think he might also be on the verge of "'nana" (as in 'banana'), but we'll see.
My child is a genius !

41/14 months

Zack just loves playing "I spy" and a slight variation of it, which we call "Ten Guesses" (which means that you have to guess something he can see - or not - but he doesn't have to identify the first letter). He's really into story telling, and loves it when we make up tales about Prince Zack and Prince Calvin, or Zack the Spiderman, etc. He's excellent at filling in the gaps in familiar stories, or describing regular activities.
He is getting better and better at phonetics, and can often identify the sound that starts the word. He is writing "Z" with confidence, but struggles with the "A" and the "K". He's getting there tho. He is a pro at doing up buttons now, so pyjamas are Zack's department.
Zack has progressed so well on the toilet training. He had an upset tummy earlier in the week, so we were cleaning up mucky underpants for the first time in ages, which made me appreciate just how far he's come. The last 2 nights have also been an achievement in that he's managed to go through without wetting his nappy. This bodes well, as we'd like to get him to be dry thru the night in the near future. I think it won't be long.
Calvin is more and more mobile. You really have to keep an eye on him. Just a moment ago, I came into the study to read the BBC news site and before I could blink he'd crawled up the stairs. He is able to climb up onto our Barcelona chairs in the lounge, unassisted; altho' he is unable to get onto the sofa which is slightly higher - he gets frustrated at that. He loves playing peek-a-boo, and goes from room to room saying, "Aaaahahhhh. Ba-ba. Duhd. Daah-dee. Yeaaa. Eeehhh. Eeeett. Deh. Daaa--ahh. Aaah-ti," and the usual simpering which means, 'I want my own way Mummy!' He certainly has learnt how to crank up the volume - and lets you know when he means business. I think people are surprised when he shouts, as they know him to be so passive and chilled.
Calvin is pointing alot and saying "Dee" when he does so. He is interested in lights, switches and buttons, and wants to turn them on and off. Keeping him away from the DVD-player is proving a challenge, as he's watched his brother use it, and also being a genius, knows which button to press to open the CD tray. Eek !
Keith has kept a Father's Day card, which has the theme tune from Star Trek playing when you open it. Calvin just loves opening and closing it, opening and closing it. I must try and get it on video to upload :)

make mine one with everything...

Recently I took Zack with me to Starbucks (I am addicted. There I've said it). He usually has a lolly. Instead he said he'd have the almond biscotti - my usual accompaniment - because I wasn't ordering it. As I was about to pay, he was offered the "babychino"- I see that Starbucks is now pumping this product big time. Zack quickly accepted and we paid and went and sat down. As soon as I took my seat next to him, he unwrapped the biscotti and handed me one of the two biscuits. He then said,
'Mummy, I'm having a latté".
I was caught completely off-guard.
'I beg your pardon?' I said.
'I'm having a latte.' He repeated.
I just had to laugh. That's my "usual", so he was just saying what he'd always heard. I corrected him with, 'No love, you're having a babychino'.
'Oh,' he said, 'I'm having a 'chino'.
'That's right,' I said.

It was a white day

The other day, while climbing down the stairs to the front door, Zack invited me to examine the walls, the banister and the ceiling, with the revelation "Mommy - walls white", and then "roof white" etcetera etcetera. This is quite a big step in my books; up until now he's happily pointed out blue, green and red, but seldom yellow, and never white or black. These days we're getting "blue dustbin", "red car" and more. Nothing like a bit of colour identification to broaden the repertoire. In addition, he's starting to say funny, commonly used phrases like, "see you later", before toddling off to the lounge.

He is crazy about his scooter: it goes to bed with him. Since visiting friends in Surbiton last weekend, he has gained so much confidence as he scooted for more than a mile and a half, unassisted. His stability is vastly improved, though he still favours one foot for pushing. He is slowly learning how to turn the thing - a much more complicated manouvre, and a few weeks away I would guess. He tends to stop, pick it up, and put it down in the direction he wants to travel in. Negotiating fellow pedestrians is more like hit-and-run.

For his birthday, Zack was given a fabulous puzzle of pictures from A to Z. It has been such a hit - the right thing at the right time. He loves it and builds it at least twice a day. He's learnt to identify certain pairings which brings him closer to completing the whole task. Knowing colours also seems to have helped, because he'll say to me "pink one" or "blue one" for pieces he's looking for. It's been an opportunity for him to learn what things look like eg. yo-yo and guitar.

Being a boy, Zack is constantly hurtling around at breakneck speed. I didn't realise little boys were quite so rough & tumble. We went to the playground last week and Zack was drawn to the merry-go-round, (always a death trap - I don't know a single adult who hasn't had a bad experience on one !). Three older children were going around on it, and Zack kept shouting "stop" and then getting on, but then trying to get off before it stopped again. Necessarily it meant he got dragged around, or fell off. Thankfully, these days, playgrounds have "all weather" surfacing which is cushioned, unlike the gravel, concrete or sand that we all grew up with - so no bleeding. It isn't a deterent however - he kept going back for more pain, even though we'd had more than three screaming-crying moments. After a while you get "moedeloos" and give in to the stubborn will of those who will not listen. So that meant more falling down. In the end I dragged him off, and he proceeded to have a major tantrum. He climbed up some seating, and then fell backwards through a gap in it. I nearly had a heart-attack. But he was fine, just crying (more). I tell you, kids can give you grey hair just watching their antics. We went home after that - I'd had enough, even if Zack hadn't.

still to write
Sleeping - how to get him to sleep in his own bed / freedom of mobility / stalling techniques

Pregnant Progress:
I'm feeling fine most of the time, but struggling with heartburn and a condition very common amongst preggie mums - Pelvic Girdle Pain. Not much I can do about it really, altho' I have been for physio. It's funny, but I had tried all the things she's got me doing now - knee rolling, knee hugging, and it only seemed to make it worse. Ontop of that, I've been given a maternity belt (a really wide piece of heavy duty clothing elastic, with velcro fasteners which you're supposed to tighten around your pelvic girdle), which will theoretically offer my pelvis more support, and minimize twisting and the other nasties, that make it ache so much. I'm supposed to wear it when walking.

so much

You can well imagine how I'm feeling with more than 8 weeks of development to catch up on here on the blog. Zack has grown and matured so much - he is STILL biting (worse than before but more rarely), but knows how to be completely charming, flash that smile, work the room. He can be very affectionate when he wants to be, yet he also knows how to wield his will. He wishes everything could be his way, but ain't that the way of toddlers ? It seems like time is rushing away, as he gets more confident on playground equipment, speaks more, understands more (uh-oh), and sleeps better at night (thank the Good Lord)! He is not a baby any more and having weaned him of his dummy while in NZ, we feel like most of the hard stuff is done. Potty training is still a hope and a dream - altho' he's quite curious he has no interest in sitting on the toilet or a potty, or anything. He can name it, and sometimes tell me when it's happening but that's as far as we've gone. The general consensus is that they get there in their own time, so I'm not pushing. What's worse : a 4-year-old in nappies, or a 4-year-old with a dummy ? Attending nursery is going to cure Zack of the former because in the UK children have to be potty-trained to attend school. We've ticked off the latter, so I suppose we're on the road, one way or the other. I do pity parents with school children, with dummy in mouth, being pushed in a pram, but there you go. We all make choices.

I thought it was going to much harder than it was.

Ah, the joy of antipodean summers – the inflatable pool / castle
includes hours of fun at no charge, weather virtually guaranteed.

Blimey

The words are just tumbling out, but they're matched with the emerging will. Zack is stubborn and knows exactly what he wants - how he inherited those traits from us, I do not know? Latest "strop techniques" are slapping, pinching, and the newest of the new - hitting his head against whatever's nearby. It's fine when it's your chest, but not funny when it's your throat, neck or face. He has started biting his own hand again, when he can't get his way in public.
I am incredibly torn about the whole dummy issue at present. I take a firm line during the day, and don't let him have it unless he's sleeping. But the truth is that he sleeps at nursery without it, Mondays and Tuesdays. I do give in when he's going off the deep-end and we need to be somewhere (public) for an extended period of time - if I don't, any kind of social interaction becomes untenable, and I feel "ruled" by a beligerent 20 month old. The truth is that it REALLY calms him down, and will change the situation completely, if he has it. I can see that the Demise of the Dum must come. Perhaps sooner rather than later eh ?

Today we said "mango" for the first time, and we've been spending alot of time on "look" too. I have said "do this, NOW" alot this week, so that's been incorporated too. Altho' saying the word does not equate with obedience, or a sense of urgency.

I have bought a book on development so that I can keep pace with things for the next few years. It's entitled "Bright Start", and is broad in it's scope. After reading the first few chapters on Zack's age group, I was very encouraged by their stand on 'sticking to your guns' (ie. boundaries), being the best gift you can give your child. Zack doesn't like "No" one little bit. A friend of mine is currently working in a social services position where they remove children at risk, from their families, and she said that most of the teenagers she deals with who have huge problems have been allowed to rule their families from day 1 - no boundaries only leads to disaster.

Are you afraid to parent ?
It has occurred to me tho' that living here in the UK, creates its own kinds of phobias. You are always told by "authority figures" (sometimes an author, sometimes a govt child-care worker, sometimes a TV guru, sometimes by another mum, very often tho' it's source-less) that you aren't equipped for this job : You don't really know how to feed your child, discipline your child, raise your child, x your child, y your child. As a result, most parents, who are already feeling decidedly skittish sans-sleep, are driven to the mires of insecurity. "Yes, you're right," they cry, "I am rubbish at all this. Please won't you sell me the means to do it." [Ka-ching!]
Talking to a mate who has 2 kids and is raising them on the continent, it was mentioned that it is not out of the ordinary for a parent to leave their child sleeping at home in the evening, and quickly nip out for 20 minutes to the newsagent, or a pub. Yes, and that means exactly what you're all thinking : the child is at home ALONE. Now, in the UK, you would be imprisoned for that. Funny how social conventions change, and nowadays are underpinned by this culture of fear:

• There are paedophiles everywhere – I can't turn away from my child in a park
• Someone might break in and take him/ her – I can't leave my child asleep in the car, in my garage
  
• I can't nip down to the station and pick up my husband (because it's late and freezing) - there might be a fire at home, and there'd be no-one to rescue our child

Yes, these are all very plausible threats, but exactly HOW real are they ? What are the stats ? How many paedophiles live in my street ? How many kids get stolen out of locked cars, in closed garages, in middle-class neighbourhoods, every day ?

Keith: In each of these scenarios, the consequences for our lives (ie. the loss of a child) is SO great, that any discussion of the realistic probabilities is overshadowed by emotive debate. We regularly put our children into situations (eg. letting them play on a swing) where the probability of the loss of their life is far higher than the above scenarios, but because these are the ones that make news headlines, we react irrationally (with fear) to them.

Toilet Training begins:
We recently bought a toilet seat and step. Zack is like clockwork in the evenings, and will make a poo straight after dinner. We are yet to catch him in time to deposit it in the loo, but he is learning that it goes into the toilet and then flushes it away with a 'bye, bye' to boot! I am encouraged by his awareness. We may get him started in the next little while - won't that be wonderful ?

vocal explosion

Zack is just talking, talking, talking. It's as if he's suddenly getting his mouth around all the things that he's been listening to for months. We've been making notes of the news words for a while, but in the last few days it's just exploded. Isn't language an amazing thing ? I was watching my friend Elly's little boy a few months agao and was astonished at how he mimicked her every word, and now Zack is doing it. Of course there's heaps of babbling going on, but for the rest it's great fun.

Favourite word is still 'car'. But that's how it goes with boys !

The Aside:
Coming back to London was a shock to the system. We had a few rough nights and Zack is becoming more and more head-strong. He bit me hard on Wednesday morning at our mum's group, because I wouldn't let him have a 4th biscuit. Lots of screaming and stamping of feet, and then when I confronted him and said "no", he bit me. I smacked him in front of all the mummies. Yesterday we were in Hyde Park, in a playground, and 2 mums came to blows because one's child was being picked on by another (with absent mum). Heaven help you if you raise your voice, let alone your hand to some kid who is pounding yours. What a crazy world we live in! Jackie was saying how strange it is that we are so involved in our children's lives (stimulating them, educating them, entertaining them), compared to our mums who chased us outside to play, and our grandparents who were even less involved (by all accounts - see ITV's new parenting series, Bringing Up Baby). There has definitely been a trend in the last 100 years towards tighter bonds with one's children. The down-side is tho', that we don't trust anyone with or near our kids. There are paedo's everywhere, we're told. Stranger Danger! etc. etc. It puts so much more strain on mums who are already collapsing under the load of domestic duties, and dad's under the strain of providing, supporting. Yadda Yadda. And there isn't always someone to listen to your ranting and moaning. Parenting is not an easy road. It's bloody hard work.

Time, it's slipping, slipping

It's Monday night of the August Bank Holiday, which means that we don't have another break until Christmas. It usually feels like it's all downhill from here - rushing into autumn, then Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. Whoosh! We've been blessed with some pretty impressive weather this weekend, after a week that amounted to nothing more than soggy drizzle and cold air. Yuck. So much for August being our month of summer redemption. It didn't happen, but perhaps this is a late fizz. I'm not complaining.

Keith's been away for 3 weeks out of the last 4 and it's been incredibly hard. I think that so often people pretend that they're coping so well with being a mum, and that their little darling is no effort at all. What a lie! On Thursday morning, I got up, changed Zack's nappy and then sobbed my heart out because it was so hard doing it alone. How do single mums cope?

We took him for his 2nd haircut on Saturday and I was sad to see him come home - my little toddler had gone, and come back a boy. I can now see how his head is growing and changing. I miss the lovely locks so won't be cutting it this short in a hurry.


He's demonstrating the early stages of an imagination which is charming... he walks his duck along the edge of the bath while having a long conversation with it, and we had to wrap the toy lamb up in a blanket on Wednesday. He understands so much of what we say and will now take instructions, eg. 'fetch x', 'put y', etc. But of course cannot understand when I say 'no touching' or 'leave y alone'. Heh heh, cute and smart to boot.

He is ever the talkative tot, and seems to enunciate his "bye bye"s more clearly each day. Bye-bye is being used on everyone and in every situation at the moment. Thankfully people are pretty accommodating and reciprocate with a wave and a 'bye bye' in return. We met up with Anokye and Ellie on Friday, and Anokye is moving ahead in leaps and bounds - he mimics everything Ellie says - which I think is amazing for a 16 and a half month old.


We went to Hyde Park to enjoy the sunshine and Zack loved all the people and the Diana Memorial fountain. It's a great spot with lots of fenced in space, the only negative is the stupid security guards walking around telling people not to stand on the fountain (which you have to do, so that you can put your feet in it - that's legal. Doh!), and not to walk in the water. Aargh! Only in England ! But, there's nothing like running water to entertain little people, so I'm sure we'll go again.

Zack is teething again, so it's back to nasty nappies, sore ears, Calpol and a temperature. I hope this tooth cuts quickly.
My mum arrives in a week's time, and I'm so chuffed that Zack is at a delightful stage in anticipation of her arrival. May it all go smoothly.

p.s. No news on the TV repair. I'll have to call again tomorrow.