in my own room

we have made it to 2017! and Zack is in a good space... it's his last day of holidays and he's back to school on Monday. We had my mum here for 3 weeks, and it went off pretty well. I think the biggest observation for us was that she slept in Zack's bed, in Zack's room. Which meant that he was displaced, and the initial novelty of sleeping in Calvin's room in the bunk bed soon turned to a chore. His little brother wouldn't stay up all night talking - he gets tired and goes to sleep. Zack struggled with that. Keith and I sat with him trying to understand why he was 'out of sorts' and he had the emotional intelligence to say, to identify for himself, that he was out of his room, and it was disrupting his equilibrium. It's funny to hear it from you son, and then to think, 'Well, wasn't that blatantly obvious!?', which of course it was, but only once Zack had pointed it out.
Suffice it to say, he got through Mum's visit and being out of his room, but he was delighted when he could move back in.

upstairs-downstairs : my own bedroom

A week or so ago, we put the boys in different bedrooms at bedtime. Zack had been having a tantrum and I just thought, "for pity's sake... Calvin needs some sleep." So I offered him the opportunity of going to sleep in our room. It was the right call - Calvin slept well, and Zack chilled out and went off to sleep eventually.
We knew we were onto something... but it took a bit of convincing...
Calvin has agreed to having his own bedroom WITHOUT a bunk bed will be just fine. Zack continues in his current bedroom, sleeping on the top of the bunkbed.
After a week of it, we're all happy with the new arrangement - bedtimes are calmer, easier to manage, everything is feeling fairer, and above all the children are sleeping well.
I guess the big question was/is : When is the right time for my kids to have their own room ? I don't think there's a definitive answer here. Some people are lucky to have the space for each child from the start, some share a bedroom until they move house to something bigger, some share a room until puberty, some until their late childhood, some forever; it's also dependent on whether you have all boys, all girls, or mixture. Honestly, I think your children just follow your lead. If there is no chance of your own space, then we all make do.
We're fortunate to have the space now, so our boys are in their own rooms. The eldest is claiming nyctophobia (fear of the dark), but has also started reading independently in bed. The youngest's flare for organising and tidying has meant a lovely tidy bedroom, which he is proud of. Hurrah !
Now all I have to do is throw away the Christmas decorations, sports gear, and spare photography boxes and Calvin will have a 'clear' bedroom....


.... not likely.