we have made it to 2017! and Zack is in a good space... it's his last day of holidays and he's back to school on Monday. We had my mum here for 3 weeks, and it went off pretty well. I think the biggest observation for us was that she slept in Zack's bed, in Zack's room. Which meant that he was displaced, and the initial novelty of sleeping in Calvin's room in the bunk bed soon turned to a chore. His little brother wouldn't stay up all night talking - he gets tired and goes to sleep. Zack struggled with that. Keith and I sat with him trying to understand why he was 'out of sorts' and he had the emotional intelligence to say, to identify for himself, that he was out of his room, and it was disrupting his equilibrium. It's funny to hear it from you son, and then to think, 'Well, wasn't that blatantly obvious!?', which of course it was, but only once Zack had pointed it out.
Suffice it to say, he got through Mum's visit and being out of his room, but he was delighted when he could move back in.
Showing posts with label transitioning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label transitioning. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 04, 2017
Monday, July 13, 2015
Weary but still moving forward
So the past few weeks have been decidedly up and down. Going back to
school on the 1st of June, and kicking that off with the Clinical
Psych's assessement seemed to usher in a phase of miserable in the
school environs. It's funny how you don't realise how good things have
been until things are really, really shit again, and you feel like,
"what the hell is going on? are we back at square one?".
There's always something, and at the moment it's one little boy in Zack's class. It's hard to unravel what happens but I'd say that Zack winds him up, but also more importantly, that there is stuff going on in this little chap's life and he doesn't have anywhere to "put" it. His mum and dad split up a few years ago, and daddy has a new girlfriend. His younger brother is a stellar little football player and has recently had trials at one of the big London clubs. You can understand that just one of these things would unsettle a boy of 8 or 9, but together they're pretty insurmountable. And you know what that means - find a target and put the negative crap in your life, there. So Zack has been the receptacle week-after-week of this boy's shit. He goads him, he blames him, he uses him as an emotional dump.
Have I spoken to the parents ? No. Why ? I am so, so, so dog-tired of explaining this to people who really don't care.
Everyone just wants good little kiddies who are no trouble at all.
Everyone.
On a more positive note, Zack has had a significant amount of "reading support" of school, and it has made a massive difference. We have a son who is keen to read on his own - and I am amazed! Initially it was just reading the children's Storybook Bible - lots of pictures and not much text. But this past week he's delved into the Beast Quest series. They're books that he's had lying around for years but just couldn't read. All of a sudden he's demolishing them. This weekend he read all 8 chapters of one book, and I've been instructed to got the children's bookshop and get the next one. Yessir !!
Interestingly I see he reads the words aloud to himself - not silently in his head. But I thought he was reading the storybook Bible silently... I'll keep a look out and see how it rolls. I'm just so impressed at the progress. Of course, we're making a big fuss of this new skill.
Calvin is reading happily too, however it's competitive and not so much for pleasure. He's ploughing through Roald Dahl's George's Marvellous Medicine. And is terribly keen to harvest the points he know he'll get for each page he reads.
Points you ask ? yes, we have a point system for the boys. It's directly correlated with pocket money. We give points as a motivator for alot of things eg. good behaviour, considerate behaviour, kindness, bringing plates to the kitchen after a meal, reading, correcting behaviour (eg. teaching Calvin that skid-marks in your underpants aren't necessary), listening well, etc. Initially we'd started out with a add and subtract system, but the therapist felt that Zack needed to have ONLY successes on that board, so we don't subtract points any more. Children know that "consequences" are really just another word for punishment because they aren't empowered. So we continue on the points system.
On the schooling front, we had a surprising breakthrough last week Wednesday - I had a call from St Christopher's to say that they'd like to meet Zack and set up an assessment date in the new term. I was blown away and soooo relieved. That's persistence for you - I've written to them faithfully whenever we've had information to add, and tried to keep them up to date with what we know, and when they can hope to see more.
Zack and I paid Limespring a visit last week too - for a walk around, and a chance to see the facilities himself. Denise (the head teacher) was excellent - she addressed him directly and made him feel important and at ease. We've put them down as our Plan A for the start of Year 5 - that Zack will either attend Limespring in addition to St James, or go to Limespring full time. A big concern is socialization, but that's a hoop we'll jump through once we've got all the pieces in place. We're also anxious about transitioning. How will Zack cope with changing from one school to another, and potentially a third, if he is offered a place at St Chris? How do we make it as smooth as possible, while supporting his learning needs ? It's complex.
Today he came home from school with a piece of paper with everyone's names on it, and someone (apparently the other Zach in his class) had written 'goodbye Zack' at the top of the page. It's a tough one because we HAVEN'T said he's leaving the school.
It's been a very rough hard bedtime. He has been MASSIVELY O.D.D. (Oppositional Defiance disorder), shouting at Keith, "Dad is an idiot!"
And, "Shut up" at me. He's just upped the ante more and more. Screaming at us, "you don't care!" "you are such meanies!" "Don't you ignore me!", and 'saintly us', we come back time and again saying, "your behaviour is not okay."
And "we don't have to give you attention if you treat us like this."
hell, it's just another episode.
Now he's screaming, "I know what your'e feeling Mom. And you should feel like that!"
Uh huh.
It's so tiring. I hate it. There are days when I could just wring his neck !
There's always something, and at the moment it's one little boy in Zack's class. It's hard to unravel what happens but I'd say that Zack winds him up, but also more importantly, that there is stuff going on in this little chap's life and he doesn't have anywhere to "put" it. His mum and dad split up a few years ago, and daddy has a new girlfriend. His younger brother is a stellar little football player and has recently had trials at one of the big London clubs. You can understand that just one of these things would unsettle a boy of 8 or 9, but together they're pretty insurmountable. And you know what that means - find a target and put the negative crap in your life, there. So Zack has been the receptacle week-after-week of this boy's shit. He goads him, he blames him, he uses him as an emotional dump.
Have I spoken to the parents ? No. Why ? I am so, so, so dog-tired of explaining this to people who really don't care.
Everyone just wants good little kiddies who are no trouble at all.
Everyone.
On a more positive note, Zack has had a significant amount of "reading support" of school, and it has made a massive difference. We have a son who is keen to read on his own - and I am amazed! Initially it was just reading the children's Storybook Bible - lots of pictures and not much text. But this past week he's delved into the Beast Quest series. They're books that he's had lying around for years but just couldn't read. All of a sudden he's demolishing them. This weekend he read all 8 chapters of one book, and I've been instructed to got the children's bookshop and get the next one. Yessir !!
Interestingly I see he reads the words aloud to himself - not silently in his head. But I thought he was reading the storybook Bible silently... I'll keep a look out and see how it rolls. I'm just so impressed at the progress. Of course, we're making a big fuss of this new skill.
Calvin is reading happily too, however it's competitive and not so much for pleasure. He's ploughing through Roald Dahl's George's Marvellous Medicine. And is terribly keen to harvest the points he know he'll get for each page he reads.
Points you ask ? yes, we have a point system for the boys. It's directly correlated with pocket money. We give points as a motivator for alot of things eg. good behaviour, considerate behaviour, kindness, bringing plates to the kitchen after a meal, reading, correcting behaviour (eg. teaching Calvin that skid-marks in your underpants aren't necessary), listening well, etc. Initially we'd started out with a add and subtract system, but the therapist felt that Zack needed to have ONLY successes on that board, so we don't subtract points any more. Children know that "consequences" are really just another word for punishment because they aren't empowered. So we continue on the points system.
On the schooling front, we had a surprising breakthrough last week Wednesday - I had a call from St Christopher's to say that they'd like to meet Zack and set up an assessment date in the new term. I was blown away and soooo relieved. That's persistence for you - I've written to them faithfully whenever we've had information to add, and tried to keep them up to date with what we know, and when they can hope to see more.
Zack and I paid Limespring a visit last week too - for a walk around, and a chance to see the facilities himself. Denise (the head teacher) was excellent - she addressed him directly and made him feel important and at ease. We've put them down as our Plan A for the start of Year 5 - that Zack will either attend Limespring in addition to St James, or go to Limespring full time. A big concern is socialization, but that's a hoop we'll jump through once we've got all the pieces in place. We're also anxious about transitioning. How will Zack cope with changing from one school to another, and potentially a third, if he is offered a place at St Chris? How do we make it as smooth as possible, while supporting his learning needs ? It's complex.
Today he came home from school with a piece of paper with everyone's names on it, and someone (apparently the other Zach in his class) had written 'goodbye Zack' at the top of the page. It's a tough one because we HAVEN'T said he's leaving the school.
It's been a very rough hard bedtime. He has been MASSIVELY O.D.D. (Oppositional Defiance disorder), shouting at Keith, "Dad is an idiot!"
And, "Shut up" at me. He's just upped the ante more and more. Screaming at us, "you don't care!" "you are such meanies!" "Don't you ignore me!", and 'saintly us', we come back time and again saying, "your behaviour is not okay."
And "we don't have to give you attention if you treat us like this."
hell, it's just another episode.
Now he's screaming, "I know what your'e feeling Mom. And you should feel like that!"
Uh huh.
It's so tiring. I hate it. There are days when I could just wring his neck !
Wednesday, October 01, 2014
Bon vacances. Bonne chance
Or should I say "buona fortuna" and "buona vacanza" because we spent our holiday in Italy - 2 weeks of sunshine. And the final week of the school hols back home in London. The last 10 days were really very smooth and peaceful, all things considered. With no therapy to go to, and no school pressures, it does beg the question, "are we where we are because of the pressures of modern life?". The problem is, this life is not avoidable. Our livelihoods are tied up in the Big Smoke. We are neither farmers nor arborists. I have no desire to go and live in a small village where everyone knows your business. There is more than enough pressure on Zack right now, from his school mates, his peers, people in the wider social circle and our neighbours, to uproot us all and "opt out" of an urban existence. That would be traumatic for me, Keith and both children. We're staying in the city.
I spent a most worthwhile evening on the horn to a friend who's son has also struggled alot, around this age (8yrs+). It's so hard to know what to do, what to think, where to go from here. My friend has said not to dither, not to hesitate, but to act. I feel like I'm being too passive, sitting still. But at the same time, I see the value of just sitting with a problem and looking at it from different angles. An impulsive action is often driven by emotional overload, and the desire to survive overrules common-sense. I've submitted an application to a private school in Hampstead, in the hope that they'll grant us an interview if there's a place in the new year.
I've started making enquiries into a full-time nanny. The cost is crippling. I'm re-thinking it each week.
Zack is still going to therapy. We are still seeing a therapist too. There are times when I want to chuck in the towel, when it all seems pointless. But then we have a week where I see real value in Zack's therapy - when I can draw a straight line between his coping and incidents that have occurred. That's when it's also hard, because we've toyed with the idea of his going more frequently, but I don't think that he'd agree.
On a more positive note, he has had enormous success with rugby this term. We've had a few training sessions which have gone well - including incidents when he was high-tackled, kids jumped on his head when he was on the ground, getting kicked in the back and sworn at. All of which he's dealt with very well. He is much more resilient, much more.
I spent a most worthwhile evening on the horn to a friend who's son has also struggled alot, around this age (8yrs+). It's so hard to know what to do, what to think, where to go from here. My friend has said not to dither, not to hesitate, but to act. I feel like I'm being too passive, sitting still. But at the same time, I see the value of just sitting with a problem and looking at it from different angles. An impulsive action is often driven by emotional overload, and the desire to survive overrules common-sense. I've submitted an application to a private school in Hampstead, in the hope that they'll grant us an interview if there's a place in the new year.
I've started making enquiries into a full-time nanny. The cost is crippling. I'm re-thinking it each week.
Zack is still going to therapy. We are still seeing a therapist too. There are times when I want to chuck in the towel, when it all seems pointless. But then we have a week where I see real value in Zack's therapy - when I can draw a straight line between his coping and incidents that have occurred. That's when it's also hard, because we've toyed with the idea of his going more frequently, but I don't think that he'd agree.
On a more positive note, he has had enormous success with rugby this term. We've had a few training sessions which have gone well - including incidents when he was high-tackled, kids jumped on his head when he was on the ground, getting kicked in the back and sworn at. All of which he's dealt with very well. He is much more resilient, much more.
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