mr & mrs zimmer

Zack is now well on the way to walking. He insists on being able to hold onto your hands and totter around the flat, the garden, the pavements, the shopping mall, so that he can look at what he wants to see. Keith and I feel like human zimmer frames, heh heh. It won't be long now and he'll be running around.

I am really looking forward to the time when he can stand on his own, but I'm aware that when they're so mobile, you have to keep your eye on them every minute of the day. I had an awful dream last night that Zack went missing. That feeling of dread inside you... I remember talking to the police and constantly looking at the space where he was, and he was gone. I got an email from Kelly recently about the Jamie Bulger case, and it's haunted me ever since. I can think of nothing more evil, and terrible to lose a child to some coniving criminal. It must be terrible to feel completely bereft and unable to fix it. I don't even want to think about what I would become in that situation. It isn't something to dwell on.

Zack is also becoming amazingly stroppy: asserting his will. I can see where the Terrible Twos stories start... he's on his way already. On the one hand it's frustration because he can't tell us what he wants, while on the other, he throws himself around when he can't have his way. Tough life being a toddler, but even tougher being a parent to a toddler.

you wouldn't say so from this photo though, would you ?

We were away on the weekend and it was lovely having the space to let him run around, but it was also really tiring as we had to watch him and 'zimmer' him alot, and he didn't sleep well in the nights AT ALL. So we were both feeling decidedly smashed on Sunday morning. I was counting down to sleeping in our own beds last night !
He travelled very well, and was content to just listen to us while we chatted on the way there (about 2 hours) and napped when he wanted to. It reminded me of those crazy trips I did with my mum to Norfolk, and Keith to Edinburgh when Zack was so small. I was off my head tackling all that !

still getting over myself

Have had a moment of insight : I do not need to worry about whether or not all the toys are accounted for. I think it's my personality type, but I do wonder every time I tidy (nightly) whether we've got all the components of each toy, as I can't always see them. I remember how annoyed I used to get as a child when something wasn't complete. Who wants to play with a toy that's missing a leg or a block or a wheel ? But to be fair, my plate is full of things to worry about and do, and spending any time at all on wondering where things the size of a plum or a grape are, is just a huge waste of time and energy. If they go missing, they're Zack's toys, not mine. If half the components are missing we'll just send the toy on it's way to the recycling bin.

I do not need to spend time on this.

Glückliche Ostern Kinder

Zack had an exotic Easter with a five day trip to Berlin. He was really very well behaved despite having to spend most of the days in his pram being pushed around, and not having much opportunity to crawl or cruise - it just isn't child-friendly being on the move. He was very obliging and slept in his pram when he was tired, and ate in it when there wasn't a high-chair. Eating was incredibly messy, the biggest being a meal in a lovely Asian-fusion restaurant where the floor was absolutely covered in rice and bits when we left, but for the most he was well behaved. He is currently surreptitiously dropping things over the edge of his high-chair, and this happens everywhere. A stern "No!" is delivered by mum and dad, but what effect it has is yet to be seen. Apparently this is another phase.


He is just delightful in the mornings – often waking up in a good mood, and oh-so chatty. New words are "ga-ga", and heaps more pointing being done. Little chuckles are emitted when we touch light-switches or whatever was being pointed at. He is eating more and more varied food – this weekend certainly tested that – which is a huge relief. He ate his first apple while we were there : on loan from his friend Emily. (Our friends in Berlin, Kev & Lisa, have a little girl of 2 and are expecting another in a few months time). It was fascinating to see two little people interacting. They were delighted to see one another, and distraught when it was home-time. So funny to see.

the Birthday Party

we had a joint birthday party with all the friends who turned one around the same time : Anokye, Caitlin and Ruby. It was a good turnout, and we were joined by family and friends. A lovely day and I think the kids enjoyed themselves immensely.


Anokye in his ceremonial outfit - too cute for words, and so photogenic.

Jackie & Alessio - growing at speed

Caitlin is already running, and there are just a few days between her and Zack.

Now we are ONE

Zack turned 1 yesterday. A momentous occasion but celebrated with very little fuss other than phone-calls, sms's and emails from friends and family. I made cupcakes for his friends at nursery today (Monday 26th), and the winning recipe is Martha Stewart's Vanilla Cupcake recipe.


Yes, yes, you're all wondering what he got ? . . . well, he got a few books, some pairs of socks, clothes, a toy mobile phone (we kid ourselves that it'll replace his fascination with the TV remote – it does not), a puzzle, aftershave (only kidding), a toy elephant and lots of wrapping paper. He enjoyed singing "Happy Birthday", and soon learnt to clap along when anyone sang it to him.
He had ice-cream for the first time on Saturday at his friend Sonny's naming ceremony. Initially he pulled faces, but once the coldness had passed he was eager for more and more and more. The sugar-rush kicked in about 20 mins later. Yeouch !
We still have the birthday party on Sunday 1 April to look forward to, so the cupcakes today were a bit of a test-run. Due to their success, there will be an encore.

a bit of beauty in the general

My aunt sent me this poem in an email, and she is a mother to four sons. Real food for thought, for my attitudes, for my use of time.

TO MY CHILD

Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face
and laugh when I feel like crying.
Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear
and smile and say how perfect it is.
Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry
and pick you up and take you to the park to play.
Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink
and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.
Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone
and keep the computer off
and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles.
Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble,
when you scream and whine for ice cream
and I will buy one if the ice cream truck comes by.
Just for this afternoon, I won’t worry about what you are going to be
when you grow up or second guess every decision
I have made where you are concerned.
Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald’s
and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys.
Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story
about how you were born and how much I love you.
Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.
Just for this evening, I will let you stay up a late
while we sit on the porch and count all the stars
Just for this evening when I run my fingers through your hair as you pray,
I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.
I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching
for their missing children,
the mothers and feathers who are visiting their children’s graves
instead of their bedrooms,
and the mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms
watching their children suffer senselessly
and screaming inside that they can’s handle it anymore.
And when I kiss you goodnight, I will hold you a little tighter, a little
longer. It is then that I will thank God for you
and ask him for nothing except one more day ….

-- Anonymous

inside, outside, upside down

Yesterday Zack leant on his little baby walker and took a few tentative steps across the lounge. By the time Keith and I had found and fired up the vidcam, he wasn't interested in playing ball, and only wanted to have a howl. Today however, he eagerly pushed his walker around AND took our dustbin (Zack's waist height) and pushed it all over the kitchen. I think he's got the walking idea down pat, and it's just been a natural progression. So easy and he's just getting on with it in his own time. He is still a bit of a klingon, but Keith and I are in for the high jump when he starts walking around.

He is too cute when it comes to hunting for "lost" toys and bits - very often under the sofa. He'll hunker down and take a long hard look and see if he can see "it", and then crawl over at speed and streeeetttccchhhhh to reach the missing ball et al. What a delight !

More words, sadly I confess the word "no" is starting to come to the fore. It arrives in the form, "Nononononono". Altho' I like to think that it doesn't actually mean, "no" - it's just another form of protestation. It's all punctuated with "mamamama", "day-day-day-day" and "bababababa", so who knows ? ! ! !

Happy Red Nose day everyone.

Please support Democracy in Zimbabwe. Personally I am very relieved to see that Mr Tsvangirai is out of ICU and back to opposing R Mugabe.

no more war

yippee. for some inexplicable reason our little boy has finally given up on World War Three when we have to change his nappy. For months now (it feels like most of his life, but it's probably only been the past 6 months), he has fought having his nappy changed. Suddenly, he is all compliant, relaxed, I'd even go so far as to put words in his mouth.. "Go ahead, get the job done, I'm just gonna lie here and wait for you to finish." Understandably we are very relieved, it was just so stressful, particularly if we were out and about.

Zack, poor chap, is still teething with gusto. He's been running a temperature for the last two days and was decidedly subdued last night and this morning. He has now got two tiny teeth sticking out of the gums at the top, which I think have been the cause of all the pain and unhappiness. Hopefully he'll be back to his usual self again soon.

We're OK and growing

Zack is doing well - growing every day, saying more (nothing recognisable tho'), getting around faster, asserting his will, eating almost anything, smiling and giggling more. It's just delightful!

We love him to bits - he's a delight.

planning planning

We are now in the throes of organising Zack's first birthday party. Ahem, we'd planned something small, but have decided to do a joint party with two or three friends, so there'll be a hoard of little 'uns, lots of hovering mums and dads and hopefully a crazy afternoon. Whew! I need to lie down just thinking about it.
The venue is sorted, and we're going to have it at noon as that suits most little people's schedules. It's going to be so strange seeing all the 'newborns' of last year as little people. I'm quite looking forward to it. Keith has bought another lens so I'm sure he's counting the days and charging his batteries !


Zack wearing his Guns 'n Roses shirt - a gift from uncle Corné and aunty René (is it just me, or is he looking more and more like a little boy ?)


Visiting Trish's house for delicious tea and cake !
Our babes tucked into a bowl of raisins : currently in Ruby's hands.



We thought we'd take them all outside for a photo, but co-ordinating 4 little people proved to be quite a challenge. even getting them all to look in the same direction was a feat. Zack looked horrid with his long face, and red cheeks. Poor little tyke, I do hope the teeth make a show soon.

Unite against Mushy Food !

Zack has turned a corner - altho it may be part of his latest wingy, diaroeaHHHH, I hate having my nappy changed, phase. Anyway, he just won't eat mushy food anymore. I think he's campaigning to get me to move forward in the diet thang. "Enough of the mush mum!", watch me press my lips together and turn my face away coz I'm not interested.

It's not a bad thing. Us adults can be pretty thick or pretty lazy when it comes to understanding what these little people are ready for. I think I probably fall into both categories as it's so easy to pull some stuff out of a bottle, add some nice fresh veg or a piece or two of chicken and voila! a delicious mushy meal. Not so.

he's growing up!

dah - ee

Our child is a genius !!!

Yeah, you've heard every parent say it. But Zack is a genius. Today while we were packing Keith's bags for New York, we were looking at all the photos on the bedside shelves. There is one of Keith and his sister Sally. I said, "Daddy, Aunty Sally" - pointing at each in turn. Then Keith said, "Daddy", and Zack said, "Dah-ee", and then a second time. Of course we leapt around like mad things, hugging and shouting, "DADDY!, DADDY!", much to Zack's amusement. He is a genius I tell you!

without mum

Zack started the settling in process at our local nursery school today. We were there from 9:45am - 11:15am. I was full of bravado on the weekend, thinking "this will be easy", and turning up was the easy part. Sitting in the parent's room for 2 and a half hours listening to Zack and filling in forms made me feel awfully weepy. We haven't been apart (except for a bit of babysitting) much at all since his birth, and it's all so hard for me. I know it's what I want, I know he's ready for it and he will love it, but that doesn't help the strong feelings of "Am I doing the right thing ?" and "is this too soon ?". It'll get easier I know (all the friends have told me), but right now it all seems a bit hard.

Today he learnt to twist the dial on his toy radio. He can now make the music play without my help. Another moment of independence dawns.

tenmonthklingonsleepingthru-ish

Yeah! Can you believe the little guy is ten months old ? Just remarkable.

Things have been pretty hectic of late - back to back colds, getting bullied at mum&tot group, feeling awfully wingy, Ai-Oh Ai-Oh... it certainly is a full time job. I've been thinking about the unusual situation we're in: parenting in London, no immediate family nearby, being home with Zack at ten months, so what exactly was the plan ? Hmmm... right now, I'm hoping he'll be able to go into nursery from the beginning of February. It'll only be 2 days a week, but it will be a good break for me. I've been on deadline this week, and it's been very hard having a wee lad around, nevermind the professional issues. So many decisions to make about their well-being and development. I can see that he's bored with his toys at home, but I don't want to buy more. I don't want him to be another one of those spoilt kids with a houseful of toys. Nor do I want to go to the extreme where he only gets one toy to play with at a time. He misses the social interaction on days when we're at home all day - which has been often of late, what with colds and flu, and running a temperature. Gotta find a balance.

He's still eating well, and his sleeping is improving. He seems to have dropped his 11pm wake for water. It took us more than a month, but I think he has the message. The problem of course is that he is now waking at 4am - thirsty. They keep you on the hop! Three nights ago he woke up at about 12:30am and would not go back to sleep. We tried everything - changing him, cuddling him, giving him his dummy - but every time we put him back down he started to howl. It was evidently not pain (otherwise he'd cry all the time), so we were stumped. In the end we had to leave him to cry himself to sleep. It was the beginning of what has become a pattern of klingy-ness. He's never been like this before - he now cries every time I leave the room. It's exhausting. Try and do some freelance work on deadline in this situation ! Impossible. Tonight he was running a temp, so perhaps it's just teething. Haven't we heard that one before? No teeth visible beneath the gums so I'm not counting on it. It's just another phase I guess. What comfort, sheesh.

We are finally up to date on our immunisations, but the last two left big bruises on his thighs, and big lumps under the skin. I believe that immunisation is necessary, and that all children should participate in the national immunisation scheme. Just talking to a friend about polio in Africa, showed me the import of mass subscription. So despite some of the more "touchy-feely" objections, I think it's essential. And we will continue in this vein.

too much tellie ?

Should you let your infant watch television ? Everyone starts out with fixed ideas on television consumption, and things tend to go awry from birth +
I didn't really think very hard about the issue. My parents let us watch one TV show when we were 6 years old (that's when tellie started in good ol' SA), and it was Rupert the Bear. Most of my television watching was monitored and restricted to certain times. On the other hand, I never watched much TV before I had a baby. Then I was up at all sorts of crazy hours, breastfeeding for 45 minutes at a stretch. Mind-numbingly dull. I'd pop on the tellie and watch the episodes of Countdown that I'd missed, and catch up on the news (Hell, there was a world outside my front door). Now that Zack is nearly a year, I notice that I flick the TV on at around 5pm, and we drift on through Zack's dinner until Keith gets home for bath-time. Some afternoons we even watch Lazytown earlier than that. It sounds like some sort of [blush] confession, which of course it is.
I think my biggest concern is that I'll be slack and not always watch what's on the box. I really want to preserve Zack's innocence and there IS alot of crap on TV in 2007. The broadcasters can't be trusted to make good choices, so you have to.
Many of my more responsible friends only allow their children to watch DVDs. I suppose that's the most controlled option. At least you know what's going in, AND you avoid the commercials. I don't want Zack sucked into the competitive world of toy shopping just yet.
It's so easy to just opt out and drift along without a plan, but I need to have one in place for the next few years. At least until he's more conscious and discerning. Probably another 12 years then ?!

Thank God for baby sitters !

Keith and I went out alone last night. We went out to dinner, nothing too crazy. We had a lovely stroll along the Thames, and then dinner in Tooley Street, near London Bridge at a nice little restaurant that's just opened. Zack was looked after by the lovely Emilia, our new baby sitter. She is Polish and will be doing a regular baby-sitting job for us from here on out (I really hope this lasts). She is very sweet, and has been an au-pair in the USA for the last 2 years, so has some experience.

To be able to go out together and just talk about us, the future, etc. without worrying about where Zack is, what he's up to, if he's sleeping... cannot be underestimated! I know she'll call if there's a problem, so No News is Good News.

We were home just after 11pm. All's well.

3 bugs in 2 weeks

Poor little guy (and he can't even blame it on day care!). Zack is now down with conjunctivitis, and an incredibly stuffy nose. On Saturday night he had a raging temperature and I was wondering what was going on...
And all this followed shortly on the heels of what I think was Hand, Foot and Mouth - he had little blisters on his hands, feet and definitely all around his groin. I couldn't see inside his mouth, but I'm guessing from the complete lack of appetite that he had a sore mouth too.


It is just heart-wrenching to see him in such a dull and dreary mood. No smiles, and far less energy than usual. This afternoon, I tried to feed him lunch at the usual time and he was so tired that he just sat there with his eyes closed opening his mouth every now and then for food. Without finishing he fell asleep in the chair.

Happy Birthday Blog !

Today we are one year old! I stand in our lounge and look at the toys scattered around the floor, thinking that later on I'll be down on my hands and knees pulling coloured balls and small cars out from underneath the sofa, under the christmas tree, and packing it all neatly under the telly, so that we can take it all out and play with it again tomorrow. Who would have thought that we'd be at this point so soon ?

"Happy Birthday to you
You live in a zoo
You look like a monkey...."
yeah yeah, I do. it must be the lack of sleep, extra weight I gained over Xmas and the emotional dysfunction. Oh, sorry... it's Happy Birthday to the Blog. Okay, here goes :

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLOG

I have a confession to make - this blog started out as a "rant" much further back. It focused alot on my anger and frustration at not being able to conceive a baby, at having lost a baby at 13 weeks, at generally being pissed off at a lot of things that I couldn't control / mend. I deleted the lot when I decided to change it to a record of my first pregnancy and the challenges of being a parent. Ah well, that's how things go.

Not the most upbeat entry, but it needed to be entered. Done, tick.

Pretty please Zeeeee

Zack is happily recovered from his bronchiolitis, and although Keith had a mild infection, he's kicked it too. Just mummy who's down with the colds and sinusitis. Not sure why, but he had a really aweful night last night. The guessing game starts again... is it teeth ? is it pain ? Just don't know. At 2am though, both mum and dad are saying "Pretty please Zack, please go to sleep! Puhleeeeez."

Woof

Zack is as sick as a dawg. Poor little guy. He's picked up a bug called "Bronchiolitis" and it landed us in A & E last Friday. We were there from 5 - 9pm and we came home with what looks like an asthma pump with a ventilating chamber (altho the registrar did say that he didn't think it would make much of a difference - they'd already administered it without any success). The equipment didn't alleviate any symptoms and we have't had much sleep this week. Keith and I are both starting to come down with it now - sore throat, stuffy head and tearing eyes. Daddy's been working very hard, and mummy feels a bit thin on the ground, resentful and tired. Ah, the joys of parenthood eh ?

Fat Duck Poo

Oh boy! Zack strikes again. My cousin graciously invited us to a celebratory lunch at the world's best restaurant yesterday : The Fat Duck in Bray.
We're sitting down, enjoying a lovely glass of chilled champagne, and I get a whiff of something which smells awfully like Zack. I lean over to see and sure enough, it is oozing out the top of his trousers! In the Fat Duck! Sometimes I think I'm doomed to one exasperating and embarassing moment of fecal revoltingness, after another.

Oh, and by the way, I'm still supporting Pampers nappies. You'd think they'd get some sort of performance appraisal at this time of year ? ! !

competitiveness and discipline

I am soooo not a competitive person, and have relished all these years out of school and university. I never did enjoy all that "lowest common denominator" stuff, it's just so tedious. But here I am, mother of a small, fast-growing son, and all around me is "when did he do that?" and "how much does he weigh?", and "are you back into your pre-pregnancy clothes?". When did this all turn into a competition? I'm just grateful that he's healthy, has all his faculties, everything is where is should be.

I took a break from writing this to go to the loo, where I picked up Waitrose's new mag - Source - and the first article I read tackles exactly this... Fiona Gibson writes ..."Let's be realistic : I'm 41 with a body that's been through two pregnancies, including six-pound twins. It would be unreasonable, surely, to expect my stomach to resemble a slab of MDF. My small cluster of sensible brain cells says,' No, you're not one of the endless bevy of footballers' wives who go skinny-malinky approximately nine seconds after giving birth, and why would you be?..."

Well put sister!

The glaringly omission is how few mothers ask the more important questions, like "How well behaved is your child ?", and "How are you getting on with discipline ?". It does amaze me that in an era of "Super Nanny" and more discipline resources than you can poke a stick at, so few parents tackle this extremely important issue. Yeah, yeah, we're all going to do it differently, but let's face it, if we don't discipline our children, they turn into unholy terrors - unpleasant to be around, they'll get avoided on the birthday party circuit, teacher's will raise their eye-brows when your little angel's name gets mentioned, and (WAKEY WAKEY) your mates are going to be pushed to spend too much time with you, other than at your house where YOUR kids can trash YOUR place. There's a huge knock on here.


I am so grateful to Tim & Jacqui for the delightful Quinton Blake book they gave us before Zack was born : the Zagazoo. Oh, I do hope he turns out to be the delightful young man in 20 years time.

the Gonz is come

(these photos were uploaded 2 days after Alessio was born, so to answer all the questions I've had, Jackie didn't have him at home)

Jackie and Claudio are the proud parents of a baby boy - Alessio - born this evening at 7:10pm ! wonderful news.

and it's crawlin'

We've been rockin', we've been rollin', but we ain't crawled yet....


Until today.



At exactly 15h50 - just as I was about to head out and leave Zee with my mum for an hour, he decided to take his first tentative handprints forward. It wasn't much, altho' we'd been anticipating it, so had camera at the ready. Here it is recorded for posterity (and for dad, in the UK).

closing moments : SA

Our relaxing and sunny holiday in South Africa is drawing to a close. Tomorrow is Monday and that means we have only four days left until departure. Zack continues to grow and progress - all so rapidly it seems. He is grasping more and more carefully (he is such a boy though, and won't do the fine fingered pinching unless his smash and grab technique has failed repeatedly), his "crawling" is coming on well with movement backwards and sideways in both directions. He can also roll forward from seated to crawling position, which means that he can reach for things that were previously out of reach.

He is getting braver with his eating - fruit and veggies are put away with ease, and dad has fed him a potato chip (much to my dismay, but that's life). I have given him a few crusts of bread to gnaw on (again, I'm sad that I capitulated, as I'd hoped to stave it off until 12 months), so our hurdles are now protein, fish in particular, and then dairy in 4 months time. He is a good size though (oh so heavy I'm finding) so he may make the transition sooner - I'll talk to the mates and hear what they say.

He has certainly found his voice, as "shrieking while we play" is now common, and he knows how to "freak out" when he wants something badly enough. Oh, the joys of discipline and learning to say "No" firmly. He thinks "no" is a game sometimes, which defeats the exercise.

travels and teeth !

We have been away for ten days down to the coast. It has been excellent. We spent a week in the Wilderness (near to George and Knysna) with keith's family - his mum and dad, and his sister Sally, her husband Adrian (with the dreadlocks) and their two little people - Cole and Sienna. The weather was gorgeous and it's such a beautiful part of the country. Keith spotted a school of dolphin and called us to see - amazing.


zack, sienna and cole (sally and adrian's two children) - zack was wrestling his 3 year old cousin for the frizbee.

We left George on Thursday night and flew down to Cape Town for 4 days of holiday, just us three. Zack managed to sleep really well most nights (despite the teething) and we were even able to lie in for 3 mornings until 8am ! We were out for lunch yesterday with Keith's mum and dad (who had driven down to Cape Town see some friends), and discovered that Zack had two tiny teeth peeping through is gums : Everything they say about the temperatures, the noxious poos, and mizzy babes is true - we just hadn't put it all together in an equation that equalled TEETH.



Zack with mum and dad on Chapman's Peak and views over Hout Bay - it was very windy !

Zack and David at the family get together in Cape Town on Sunday.

Steve gets down to Zack's level at the party.

sleep skebenga

Well, our nights continue to be disturbed by the nasty sleep skebenga (thief, bandit - Zulu orig.) and what is a girl to do ? Other than guessing, guessing, guessing and trying plans A, B and C to try and correct things, there ain't much. Talking to the mates, it sounds like all our little 'uns are doing the same thing at the moment. My friend Amy is trying the 'controlled crying' method, because it worked for Trish & Caitlin. I did that one morning, and Zack DID eventually pop off, once he'd realised I wasn't going to come and pick him up. It's an emotionally taxing exercise though - I cannot lie. And it seems so much easier to go and pick them up, but at what cost ? They have to learn to sleep, and yes, the magic phrase "self console". How nasty is that ! ? !

Be that as it may, once we're up in the mornings, we are full of beans and the sunshine is keeping us upbeat. Today my aunt popped in for a visit, and brought Zack his first ball. Here are the two of them together.


Roll on Saturday when Keith arrives. We can't wait !

More bubs into the world

It certainly has been a busy year in the reproduction department, and we're not talking photocopiers...


Congratulations to Jerome and Stephanie on the birth of their gorgeous baby boy - Daniel



Congratulations to Roelof and Sonel on the birth of the cutest little girl - Moné, born on November 3rd

sleep and feeding : the eternal issues

Zack slept like a log last night and I felt like a million bucks this morning as a consequence. The previous night he'd been up having a cry at 2AM, 3:15AM and 4AM and i finally took him to my mum at 5:20AM as she was awake. I was shattered. I've been reading Gina Ford's guidance notes on eating, and it seems to indicate that if he eats well during the day, ie. his calorie intake is good, he's likely to sleep better at night and not wake from hunger. Who's to say that he's waking from hunger each time though... some nights I just don't know ! ? ! I think his 3:30AM waking is a bad habit, that's all. For the rest... who knows ?

A good friend Katey has lent me another book on babies and sleeping (it's american, I'll find the title and post it here soon) and it says "Sleep begets Sleep", which means that he should have enought sleep during the day, so that he'll sleep well at night. I dipped into Gina Ford's parenting tips book and she seems to say the same thing (but with a few extra inclusions eg. quiet, regular sleeping space, etc).

My only anxiety at the moment is his lack of eating at 6PM. He is behaving very badly at dinner time. Last night he wouldn't take anything from me : I'd carefully made up freshly cooked & pureed carrots and potato. He would eat pear wedges, but none of the mush. I then left it to my mum to feed him a bowl of cereal. He is such a boy - he is on a cereal phase at the moment : it's all he'll eat that's mushy. He doesn't like butternut anymore. At all. If he doesn't like food, he just sprays it out all over whatevers in front of him. I think it's naughty behaviour. What does one do ?

He has moved to Gina Ford's schedule though, which is something. We are now into regularly waking and sleeping routines. He USUALLY wakes up between 5 and 6AM when he goes and plays with his Nana. This is going to be a problem when we're in London, as neither Keith nor I are going to be prepared to get up at that time. Thankfully it's still dark, so maybe that'll help. He's sleeping now everyday between 9 and 10AM and 1 and 2PM. It's like clockwork, which makes things much more predictable.

I am now keeping an eating and sleeping diary so that I can see if there's a pattern - hence my knowing that he's definitely sleeping at those times. It's useful, but I don't think it solves all your problems.



We bought a baby backpack today - it'll be great for our holiday in 2 weeks time, as we can abandon the pram and carry Zack like this wherever we decide to walk.

I look forward to keith's arrival on Saturday morning. We miss him so very much !

what a cutie pie !

Zack has discovered hours of pleasure are to be had examining oneself in the mirror. Awesome !

just cooling off

So far, we're still adjusting to being here in South Africa. Zack is sleeping in the oddest patterns and just will not go down, even when he's desperately tired. Today, for example, he grizzled and grizzled in his cot for about 30 minutes without going to sleep, so I took him out and we went outside and sat in a tub in the garden. It's really very hot at the moment, so it was quite soothing. The upshot of it all was that he dropped off immediately after we'd re-dressed him. The only problem is that I can't do that at 2, or 3 or 4am. We just have to feed him, or console him, to try and get him back to sleep. Travelling really does throw their little cycles.

Today was my brother's birthday, which was a treat. I am seldom in town for it, so we got together for a BBQ and he and his girlfriend, Kelly, stayed on until the late evening. It is good to see him, and Zack loves interacting with boys.

safely in S. A.

Huge thanks go to Trish for giving me the number of a taxi co that would take us to the airport with a baby seat. We arrived at around 5:30pm for a flight at 9pm so there was oodles of time and I felt very relaxed and able to cope. Our flight was fine - you can't expect miracles - Zack slept for about 3 hours between 1am and 4am, and I got to watch "The Devil Wears Prada", which I'd hoped to see. I even caught the tail end of "Cars" (Pixar).

We are now ensconsed in my mum's new pad in Fairland, and it is lovely and roomy. We hit the shops yesterday afternoon and got the necessary items for the young 'un, and he now has a high-chair at his Nana's - all our needs are met.

People at the airport and at the supermarket yesterday were eager to tell me that Zack is very FAT. Ah-huh. Whatever !


Zack takes a bath in the sink last night - it's just the right size.

He's still adjusting to the time zone I think as the sleep patterns are haywire, but we'll give it a few days before getting anxious.

Johannesburg is a sight : beautiful Jacaranda trees in full bloom are everywhere, and it's very hot and dry.

We miss Keith tho'

take it off !

Zack's cast came off on Thursday morning to a huge sigh of relief from mum, and general pleasure from hospital staff. We have a check up in 3 months time - no physio necessary either.

We are packing to go to South Africa tomorrow night.

What the week has held

As I mentioned in the 'kaput' entry, I haven't been coping very well, at all, of late. I'm finding the full-time mummy thing a real challenge, one which gets ontop of me a little too regularly for my liking. Keith has been a honey and worked from home a few hours this week, while I've had some time to sleep. I got an extra 4 hours yesterday which felt great.

What's made me realise how rotten things are is my coping skills. Usually I get annoyed at the stupidity that i have to live with, for example... "where have I put the house keys, again?". I get really angry with myself and incredibly frustrated at the ridiculous things that I do - things that I've never done in my life. Last week, I left my keys in the car one evening, and the next morning, Keith took the only OTHER set of keys we have to work with him (well, they're on his key-ring so it's unavoidable). It would, necessarily be on the day when I CANNOT live without the car - I was leading bible study in Limehouse and looking after Caitlin. Trish was a honey and stepped up to the plate by bringing Caitlin over here, but I had to cancel on the biblestudy girls. It was just too much. Yes, friends keep saying to me, "Ruth, don't do so much. Do less!" yeah, yeah. I know I should, I just want to be me. Me would easily have coped with those two things. What's the problem ??

I can't put it down to much more than lack of sleep. My nutrition is A++ (hell, I'm eating enough fruit, veg, meat, carbs, cake, chocolate and drinking plenty of water and a cup of coffee each day). My health hasn't been good though - I've had this lingering chest and sinus infection for weeks now. Last Friday I went to the doctor for even more anti-biotics, so it looks like I may yet kick this. I've been inhaling lots of steam at night too, which aught to do the trick. I get quite depressed thinking about it all.

What makes me feel really cheerful though is Zack's little smile...


... and hugs and kisses from Keith...

... and the thought that on Wednesday morning next week I will be in Johannesburg with my mum, Andy, Kelly, mum-in-law, Sal, friends, aunts and cousins. Bring it on !!! Basically it all adds up to a bit more help.

Keith and I have chosen to live in the UK, and to drink the cup that is life here. That does mean that we have to swim solo as a little family, but there's no law against stopping at the fuel depot every now and then.

Tomorrow is Zack's big "take it off ! take it off!" day. We are having the cast off at 9:50am and then x-rays to be sure all is well. We'd appreciate your prayers and good wishes.

together time

Trish and I are sharing child-care. She looked after Zack on Tuesday while Shirley (my aunt, visiting from Johannesburg) and I went up to Stoke Newington and Islington. I looked after Caitlin on Thursday when Trish had a meeting with the gallery owner she's showing with next year. I took some cute pics of the kids together.

kaput

Zack (plaster not in view) and his dad

I'm not doing well at all. It's been so great having my aunt staying with us, but other than that I am not coping. I'm now onto a 5-day course of Amoxicillin to try and clear this infection, Zack is still not sleeping through despite our best efforts - big meals, paracetamol, etc - and I think he's suffering from awful constipation too. Besides the teething that is. Keith's tooth crumbled last night before supper, so he's off for some emergency dental work in the middle of next week (yes, first free moment). My post-wisdom hole is healing well (at least that's one thing).

I guess life just gets too much sometimes. I had a good week about 2 or 3 weeks ago and I felt like I was getting on top of things. I was efficient and managed to line up some quotes for the house's 'to do' list. It just goes in fits and starts. You don't just suddenly get your groove back... it takes time.

I've decided not to beat myself up about not getting to gym. It's just not possible - there isn't always time and I don't have someone to look after Zee - and ontop of it all, I'm sick, so I shouldn't be working out. You still beat yourself up about the money though, don't you ?


Zack with Cameron and Cathy (family visiting from Cape Town)


Zack taking a nap on his great Aunt's lap. It's Oh So Comfy !!


Zack sleeps while mum and Aunty Shirl go for a walk next to the Thames

I'm hoping that more sleep and a more sedate pace of life, will help me get back up and running soon.