One man and his dog....

Last Saturday we took ourselves off up north to Bromsgrove (just south of Birmingham) to visit Frankie & Agnieszka and their new addition to the family - Jethro - a golden retriever. He is now 5 months old and full of bounce and lick.
The weather was glorious and the local playground was well frequented during Jethro's walks. We also popped into the café for ice cream. It was such a good break - far away from all the responsibilities and to-do lists. The only challenge was getting up at 6:40am most days with Calvin, sigh. But beyond that it was a special time with family.

we went to Cadbury's World on Monday. Sadly Keith missed it as he was back at work

Zack and Aga take on one another on the iPad

Calvin's potty-training continues unabated. He is doing mightily well and altho we have accidents here and there, he is in underpants all day, every day. Praise has worked really well with this little chap, and I regularly catch him saying, "I so clever", to himself. Delightful.
His vocabulary is excellent and he is making himself well understood. He is most definitely a two-year-old with lots of "no's". Strangely we are still getting to know him, as Zack is such a big personality and tends to take over. Having Tina (our housekeeper) away for a month was really a special time of one-to-one with Calvin and I think we both feel that we understand and know him better.
Hammy, the hamster, is still healthy and busy (at night). He has been 'downsized' from Chairman Mao's palace as he managed to chew a hole in the bottom of one of the panels. he is now in a smaller box with a wheel attached and he seems more settled and less intent on escape.

and we're IN

Calvin has been accepted to attend St James' nursery. That means as of September, Calvin will be going to school with Zack in the mornings. I can collect him each day at noon. Again, I feel like God was in control through all the insanity that was his time in-utero and delivery. He was supposed to be a September baby (end of September), which would have made him the oldest in his year. But God had other plans : he is now going to be the YOUNGEST in his year. The only person younger will be he/she who is born on the 31st of August!
Calvin's language skills are coming along in leaps and bounds - he is sooo good at it now. We spent all of today together and he had so much to say and talk about. It was a real blessing.

at Kenwood House, climbing "by 'self"

He is potty training too - we started last Thursday (which makes him 2 years and 7 months). He is doing brilliantly. We've only had a few hiccups - mostly when we've been out and about and far away from "facilities". Today, we spent more than 5 hours in the car and he did very well both on arrival and departure. Bless him.
He and Zack are still sharing a bedroom. I'm not sure how long it will last as it's really trying our patience at bedtime each night. We may move them back into separate rooms to remedy it.

Five - it's imminent

Amar Jai, Tabitha, Zack, Loic & Jayda anticipate lighting of the candles

happy hooligans

Captain Barnacle cake - thank you the Octonauts!

nearly, almost five years old

Well, we took the bull by the horns and invited Zack's entire school class to his 5th birthday party. I wouldn't have done it if young Hector's mum, Frances, hadn't asked me if we could do a joint event. So Hector and Zack decided it was an Octonaut theme which gave us momentum and direction for the day. It was noisy and chaotic but I think the kids had a blast. I went home and into bed by 8:30pm!
It's been quite a week. Tina is away in the Philippines for another 3 weeks, and I'm trying to stay ontop of as much as I can. Today I came off my Vespa trying to deliver it to the garage to have it serviced. Ended up in A&E for a few hours. Thankfully there are no broken parts of me, but I'm in a lot of pain which doesn't make for easy "mummy-ing". The other thing that's been difficult is that Tina's replacement (a friend of hers) is expensive and not as good as her so I'm going to have to have the 'difficult conversation' with her on the weekend where I tell her not to come back next week. Emotionally it's something I find very hard to do, but there you go.
The boys are fine - their usual raucous selves. We have a babysitter standing in for Tina, Kate - a friend's daughter who's doing her A levels - and she has managed to get the boys to sleep in the same bedroom for 2 nights running. It's astounding. Keith and I are well impressed and hope it'll now be easier to pursue. We had tried it last week and ended up at 10pm shouting and screaming after n- times going upstairs and shouting at them to, 'go to sleep' and 'If I have to come up there one more time.....' you know how it goes. [sigh]
They're both thriving. Calvin is talking up a storm and Zack is wrestling with new concepts all the time. Last week it was infinity. He also had a discussion about if we could shoot at heaven.
On Tuesday we went for a play-date to Mendele's house and they discussed "Jesus, the Good Shepherd" on the way home in the car. It was pretty heated I believe, and Mendele said Jesus was no one he'd heard of and that he would kill Jesus. Oh boy! There will be time for these discussions when they're older I hope.
Tomorrow is Red Nose Day in aid of Comic Relief so I hope to capture some fun moments - Zack with crazy hair and Calvin dressed in red or PJs. That's if I'm not in too much pain to pick up the monstrous camera :)

unequal fight

Well, here we are well into 2011. I've started planning Zack's 5th birthday party - a joint event with another little boy in his class.
I was feeling quite despondent this evening about food preparation. So much time goes into a healthy and nutritious meal and it feels like 9 times out of 10 it gets discarded with, "I no like it". I feel like the boys live on things like pasta, toast, rice & chicken, fish fingers & oven chips, peas, brocolli, and loads of fruit and yoghurt. Zack eats almost anything except mushrooms (knowingly), but Calvin is awfully fussy which annoys me. He won't eat carrots, Zack will, he won't eat potatoes, Zack will, he doesn't like lasagne (handmade by mommy and it takes at least an hour) and Zack will only eat it if I don't put spinach in it, and so forth, and so forth. It's really wearing.

trivia ? for some

Zack is coming on in leaps and bounds with his reading. His teacher is delighted and I think he's feeling really empowered by the whole exercise. It is a wonderful thing to observe.
He struggles with "d" and "b" - transposing them - but I'm sure it'll come with time. The Ruth Miskin literacy programme is working wonders with him, so 'Hurrah for St James!' in promoting it.
Mrs. Piesold, Zack's class teacher, is an incredibly positive and energetic person. She has decided that daily rewards of one star, are not cutting it. She has up'ped it to a maximum of 5 stars a day for good behaviour. Zack is coming home with 4 stars as a rule, which is excellent. Last week we had a friend over to play - Danny. These two don't get on at school, and Zack's first comment when I collect him is often, "Danny only got 2 stars today!" So, there is a lot of competitiveness between them. The play date was a good exercise, but Zack was in tears for the last half hour as Danny didn't want to do what he wanted him to.
In light of that though, Zack had an excellent day last week when he got 5 stars AND won the trophy for Enjoy-a-Ball. As a reward he and I went out for pizza (alone) in Hornsey and he got to choose exactly what he wanted, and to take the bus there and back. It was such a special evening. He must have glowed for about four days afterward. Bless his little socks.
Calvin is putting sentences together. Last Friday (so a week ago), he said very firmly, "We want yoghurt," to which we all laughed. And then on Saturday when he was misbehaving I said to him, "Who wants a shaya (smack, in Zulu) ?", to which he replied, "me!". Keith, Zack and I fell about laughing. He is trying more and more to make himself understood.
He is loving being in the bigger bed, which he calls the "new bed". He shows it to everyone, and will often be the first words off his tongue in the morning...
"Daddy. New bed", he says, pointing.
He is also getting on with the potty training. Tonight was the second time he's made a poo in the potty at bathtime. We all go crazy and praise him, and applaud, so he's getting the message loud and clear.
Nursery is going better and better. He pretends it's really hard to say goodbye, but within in seconds he's stopped crying and having fun with his mates.
It's end of year madness too - so many activities for school. Tomorrow is Cakes for Clothes day, so we were baking most of this afternoon. Tomorrow afternoon is the Christmas Fayre at School. Next week is the Nativity Play, when Zack will be one of the 3 wise men. Part of me wants to point out that there weren't 3, and that the 3 refers to the gifts. Part of me also wants to point out that he's not a "king" (as the school newsletter put it), but a "wise man from the East". Considering it's a Christian School I think it's important to get the facts straight, but hey ho - as Andy always says, "choose your battles Ruth!" I've chosen purple with a gold crown and Zack loves it.

black forest cupcake

filmed this on my iPhone and the quality is much better if I email it to you, but here it is for posterity :)

smarty pants

Calvin has been taking clever pills at night - he's suddenly burst forth with words and concepts and a desire to communicate. It's too cute. Obviously this is accompanied by more strident measures in the willpower department, but nevertheless it is still a wonder to observe. He is eager to mimmick Zack and this goes as far as silly dance moves and facial expressions. Calvin can carry on with them for days, long after the novelty has worn off for his big brother. However Zack is still very tender with Calvin and is always keen for a big, outstretched arm, hug - where he can hoist Calvin off his feet. This is the sort of relationship I hope they can sustain for years to come.

star chart take 3

We're making great use of star charts. They really do work with Zack. At the moment we're taking strides with independent activities - bathing himself, dressing himself, etc. Hurrah! He's growing up and it's so lovely. He's so proud of the fact that he can.
Calvin is growing taller, and looking more like a boy. He seems to be coping better with nursery and sunday school too. He still winds up the "don't leave me" machine, but within moments of my departure he's having a blast. Keith and I are both relieved to see this transition is it's necessary and it's so easy to indulge the 'cute baby' that he is.
You try so hard to be fair in raising them, AND then you're trying to find the individual motivators for each child, the right angle on discipline, how to show them you love them and give them security, and so forth...
Man, parenting is not for the faint-hearted !

wisdom needed : post here

It was Zack's Parent-Teachers meeting last night. Overall he's come back with great feedback, except for the hitting of classmates. His teacher has put it as "zero tolerance of physical aggression". Obviously he's not alone and there are a few boys that are setting one another off (I saw it happen in the playground yesterday when another little boy was playing with Zack after school, on the slide, and he just hit Zack as they were sliding down. Zack then retaliated).
Keith and I have been talking about this for the past few weeks, as it's been in the headlines. It is so much about the how of dealing with it, and what to do. Zack does thrive on positive reinforcement, so the carrot of praise is ever before us. The real challenge however is the initiate, the beginning, the 'what starts it'? question.
We have drummed it into him that he cannot hit other children, (just like we used to say, "no biting"). We have drummed it into him that if someone hits him, he must tell the teacher. Immediately.
I feel like he's getting mixed messages though. If Calvin hits him here at home, he tells me, and I say "Calvin is very naughty, isn't he?", and then I tell Calvin off. But there really isn't any justice in that is there?
Talking to my counselor, she's said that it's just massive emotional need that exists within children of this age, and they can't tell you what or why. So if Zack is full of emotion and someone hits him, going and telling the teacher seems like an insipid plea for justice in that situation. I really, really need to get my head around this.

Zack says

"Mommy. I am training Daddy how to make porridge".
(Keith made porridge for him on Tuesday which he didn't like)

"How old is God?"
(on Sunday in church)

one finger, one thumb, keep moving

What a week! Calvin started settling into nursery on Monday for 1 1/2hours, then 2 1/2 hours on Tues, 3 1/2 hours on Wed and then 6 hours on Thursday and again today. All went well until yesterday and he melted down after his lunchtime nap. I collected him punctually today and he was still pretty upset. However, the care-workers all say that he's fine through the day, and makes mention of "mummy", but is loving the sandpit, blocks, story-time. He hasn't yet eaten a meal there - at best he's a fussy eater. He came home and wolfed down 3 slices of toast and jam, fruit and juice. In time he'll get into eating there.
Zack continues to enjoy school. Today he won a prize for getting 10 points. They have a reward chart for various behavioural commendations. I'm pleased that he succeeded this week.
We had a Parent's "Curriculum" meeting on Wednesday. I felt like a child again. Altho' I was on time, I had a toddler in tow and was relegated to the back of the class as the créche didn't materialise :(
I had to keep opening and closing the door for late comers :(
Tina finally turned up and took Calvin outside to play so I could concentrate :)
I am overwhelmed by the list of dates and activities for my ONE CHILD. I commented to a friend afterwards who is a mum of 4, that with them all at school she is going to struggle to cope. She didn't think so. Whew! That's why I only have 2! There is no way I could cope and still 'be me'.
The teacher commented in passing that the class was a really wonderful group of kids, and that there were quite a few BIG personalities. And I nodded knowingly. ha ha. They are really lucky to have so many great children in one class. We shall wait and see how things pan out in the future as there are sure to be personality clashes with just 28 kids in a year, for the next 5 years.

Big School

Starting School
Zack is now at "big school" at the refreshing age of 4 1/2. He was very nonchalant on day one. His teacher is Mrs Piésold. There is a teaching assistant each day - I'm still getting to know all the names. Zack's class has around 30 children and they've started school in phases : the first group [10 children who have older siblings at St James] started on 2nd of Sept, then Zack's group [another 10] and finally the last ten children this week. They now have a full compliment and I'm sure the teacher's hands are full. Weirdly there are 3 boys called Zack in his reception : Zach D, Zac W and our Zack G. Who'd have thought ?


We had our first "can I talk to you for a minute please" moment with Mrs Piésold : Zack is being too "physical" in class - patting other children on the head, hugging them, etc. That's nothing new - he's behaved like that in Enjoy-a-Ball class too. I need to just remind him gently and regularly that it isn't appropriate. It is so hard isn't it ? He is friendly and affectionate by nature, which I think is wonderful. So many people are "emotionally withholding" and do not give away their love and kindness. I have close family and friends like that. I think it's a disfunction but society doesn't discriminate. Zack is going to have to learn the when and where of it all.
School is so much about the lowest, common denominator; being invisible - having the same lunch box, the same clothes, the same toys as your mates. The other side of the coin is fitting in or acceptance. So far he's coping well - he's making friends, seems an eager participant in class, tells me he's "done nothing" at school today. ha ha. Already ?!?



School mummies
My friend Fi gave me some good advice about school mummies... the best thing to do is to find a mum whose kids are older, and have been through it all. That way you avoid the insecure, the critical, the competitive, the doff, the klingons, and the wannabees. It's a tough one isn't it ? I'm having some difficulty deciding whether to post here or not. The truth is that all of us are going to go through this - especially if we are mummies who aren't at work full time. We're faced with the prospect of interacting with other mums for some time yet.
It's struck me that it's pretty short term. It's really only the first few years that we're "at the gate". Soon enough we'll be picking them up and dropping them off from a distance - it'll be surreptitious kisses goodbye and all that. So it's just this short time that I'm connecting with other parents on a twice-daily basis. I am holding back - it's my coping mechanism : wait and see who's who in the zoo. A trio of mummies have nominated themselves as class reps and are doing the contact list thing. [whew] I'm pleased someone else has done that. I'm told there will be socials, fund-raisers, etc. It all lies ahead !
Of course, there's a natural selection process - we gravitate to the people that are "like us" or that we perceive to be "like us". In my case, by week two I'm spending time with a Capetonian who keeps the same times as us. Safe, familiar and easy to talk to.
So... do you think I'm getting through this okay ?

my 2nd 2nd

Calvin's 2nd birthday followed soon after our return from holiday. Being a bank holiday (long weekend), we had the family over for lunch – Caryl & Claire, and we had a small candle-blowing ceremony too. Calvin just loved it, wanting to re-light and blow out the candles again and again. Too cute.
We decided to get him the same gift we gave Zack for his 2nd birthday – a scooter. He likes being pushed on it, but hasn't yet had the opportunity to practice much.

His little friend Mark, also celebrated his 2nd birthday (they are 3 days apart in age), and spent a fun afternoon there. Zack was also invited and was quite well behaved. As expected, there was a lot of cake consumed.

Zack is now into underpants at night - no more nappies. He is doing really well. We have had a few accidents, but overall he is dry throughout. I am very proud of him as many children struggle with this 'final' tranch of potty-training. I DO think that anxiety affects his ability to stay dry – ie. when he's worried about something (like starting school). I suppose it's the sub-concious manifesting itself.

developments

The brothers at the pinball machine

Whew! what a crazy time it's been. We went off on holiday to Carvoeira in Portugal (near Faro) and Zack and Calvin had a blast. We were staying in a little holiday cottage spot that had a pool and a pool and an indoor pool. We swam all day, every day. The sun shone all day, every day. Zack's swimming has come on in leaps and bounds – he even leapt into the deep end without me one day (I nearly had a heart attack, and was screaming, "Nooooo!" while running and kicking off my shoes), and paddled to the side nonchalantly. Without wings!
Calvin started out really cautious of the water, as everything was "wet". But he was soon confident enough to climb down into the baby's paddling pool and wander into the middle by himself. We had two or three falling down and not being able to stand up, so Mummy grabbed me out of the water immediately, moments. But they were all done under close supervision. May I just say that mothers have completely over-active imaginations, and we always expect the worst – it gives us the edge I think.

Elly jumps over Zack

Zack made friends with a lovely little lass from Worcestershire, whose name was Elly. They spent all their time together and we were so sad to say goodbye on our last morning.

Our only day on the beach was extraordinarily hot. For some reason Zack decided the best thing to do was to go down on hands and knees and rub your face in the sand. Yuck !

In the last two days of our holiday Calvin decided that he was potty training and has completely caught onto wee'ing in the toilet. He is a genius ! And might I point out that he wasn't even two years old yet. Amazing! It really is so much easier with the second child – he just emulates his brother.

Annoyingly we got home to an ear-infection for Zack – or perhaps I should say, predictably ? So he's been on Amoxycilin for 10 days. Seems to have done the job.
What was possibly worse was that Tina, our housekeeper, was off sick for another two days and the ironing was mounting up and things were getting out of control. Not only that but our temporary Nanny who would have really taken off some of the pressure, was also off unexpectedly for a day. I returned to some enormous work pressure and deadlines, so I admit to feeling quite strung-out within days of returning. You always want the "holiday vibe" to linger, don't you ?!

nursery to primary

Zack had his "Goodbye" Party at nursery today, altho' his last official day is only on Friday this week. There is so much excitement about going to Primary school - each child was telling me where they were going and if they had a uniform or not. Zack wore his new school shoes that we bought this morning (sorry, no photos there), and was eager to wear his uniform until it was time to go and then it was "batman mommy". Ah well, there'll be lots of time to wear a uniform and fewer occasions to be a superhero!

Charlie & Lola cups used for party tricks

"it doesn't work any more. I want a new one!"

car

Calvin's favourite word is still "car". Zack gets annoyed now and shouts, "train. train. train.", when Calvin means train. Sigh. You get used to it tho'.
This evening while Zack was bathing, I sat with Calvin while he played with the garage and his cars. The light was beautiful, so I got quite a few lovely shots. Here are just two.

payback time

Mrs Sweby at Montessori Nursery, N10 sent me my deposit back by cheque today. Will attempt to deposit it.

drunk and disorderly

So it all came to a head last week Monday. After four sessions of "settling in" at a North London Montessori nursery nearby, I took Calvin to his first day. Dropped him off at 1:30pm and when I turned up to collect him at 4:55pm there was this strange old crone sitting in the kid's play room. She looked awful, gaunt and sallow. She had grey blotches under her eyes and across her nose. I really wasn't sure who she was or why she had all the staff sitting in a circle around her. Her skirt was hoiked up, and her legs akimbo. A part of me was already scrambling through the ID parade... she was probably the owner. Then she spoke and I was right, it was the owner who'd I'd only spoken to on the phone. She was going on and on about ofsted and the parents, and how she couldn't do enough for them. I said, "Excuse me?" but I couldn't understand what she was saying. I was looking around the room, from face to face, at each member of staff. All I got was blank stares or averted eyes.
In the meantime Calvin had seen me, stood up and was walking towards me. His face said scared and unhappy. I grabbed him and slung him onto my hip. By now I'd caught one of the girls (who I'd chatted to the previous week) rolling her eyes. Yup, I could smell the booze at 2metres. So I guessed A + B = blotto.

The end of it all : I've pulled Calvin out of the nursery. He's going to go to Zack's full-day nursery from mid-September.

No point in being stupid about this. Two weeks ago my gut feel was "there is something weird here with the staff". Yes, the peer pressure amongst fellow North London mummies was that Calvin should only attend a half-day session BUT I cannot have my child in THAT nursery. Zack's little nursery - Greygates - is just lovely. The staff turnover is neglible and they are genuinely affectionate, well trained, career child-carers. I don't have a qualm about sending him there other than the long hours. I was only trying to be "open minded" by going for the Montessori. It failed. There you go. Now we're onto plan B, which really should have been plan A.

closer to being me

I took Calvin to nursery this morning for his 4th and final session of "settling in". It meant 1/2 an hour of being with him, and then 1/2 an hour of being there without me. When I kissed him goodbye and left, he was terribly upset, but in 5 minutes time I'll go back and see that he's OK. I'm sure it'll take a bit of time because he can be very clingy when he wants to be. The steady process of becoming more independent continues - for both mum and child.
Mum on the other hand cannot wait !

Empty Apologies

Today I decided to sit out of Zack's ball class so that I could read my book. Afterward we came skipping out of class and were fooling around on the steps outside when one of the mums called to me and said, "Your son hit my son....", so I called Zack over to apologize. His first reaction was, "... but Mom, he hit me first", and when the other mother denied it, he said, "But he did! I saw him."
I find these sorts of conversations frustrating. Zack apologized and hugged the other boy. I then paused, waiting for the other mother to reciprocate. She didn't. Her son just did the sulky quiet thing and rubbed his eye.
I don't think Zack was lying. I do think that the other mother possibly heard her son cry or wail, but I can't say that she saw Zack actually hit her son OR for that matter, her son hitting Zack in the first place. So who's in the wrong? Is Zack a bully or just a normal boisterous boy? Is her son a manipulative little git or a cry-baby, or was he genuinely injured during a tousle over a ball?
Zack is very gracious for apologizing, even if it is difficult in the moment. It doesn't cost alot to apologize and it's a good skill for later on.