school's out !

All good things must come to an end. School finished today and what madness the last 2 weeks have been. It is inexplicable to me why two little people can be so wound up, when they appear to have been spending most days watching movies and playing in the playground. Surely they're just plain tired, and want to have a break ? Not a chance. Zack's behaviour has been severely testing me (and his boundaries) for the past fortnight, and Calvin is trying it on too. Zack, Keith and I had a meeting on Sunday night to discuss boundaries, behaviour and consequences as we were resorting to screaming, dragging him to his room (he wouldn't go there himself), and threatening hidings. It is soul-destroying parenting. As such, we agreed on new parameters.
This week alone he has had a hiding before school following a 45 minute tantrum, and Keith took away £2 of his pocket money for disgusting behaviour. He is challenging authority at every turn. It is exhausting. Where's my lovely Zack ? I just don't know :(
I really hope I have the reserves to get through 6 weeks of holidays - thankfully 3 weeks and Mum will be here to divert some of the 'boundary pushing', and they know where they stand with her.

frikkin' Wii

Zack is six. We have a Wii. We have 2 games - Mario Kart and Winter Olympic Games. Zack has played it more and more in the past few months and is getting really adept at Mario Kart. He now comes in 1st or 2nd place, BUT... and it's a big but... he can completely lose it if he doesn't win or come close. Just a few minutes ago he was coming 8th and he was FREAKING out. I turned the TV off, after asking him calm down again and again. Of course, this makes him even more angry. He doesn't seem to understand that it's just a game. That he can play it again and again. In the end he went to his bedroom because he couldn't stop freaking out. Sheesh! And he wants a DS. No way! Jose!

Better for it

Keith and I got away for a week over the half-term holidays - we went to Italy without the children. The boys stayed in London with Tina, enjoyed children's activities, went to a football camp, ate at MacDonalds (we never go) and had a blast.
People's responses to the news that we were going to be away for more than a few nights were really revealing. Some were completely aghast at the idea, others said, "Next time, go for 2 weeks".
On our return, the kids punished us for abandoning them - their behaviour was filled with anger and frustration, but we're in a normal routine again, and they both seem happy and secure.
I'm a better parent for a bit of space and change of scenery. It had enormous benefits, and I'll consider it again for next year - tho' next year we'll probably take the kids with us AND a grandparent if we can cajole one of them to the UK (sigh).

Mister Angry Eyes

We've just had a visit from Clive who has 3 boys. Two of them are older than ours. Useful conversations ensued. Zack has been very hard work the past week - yes, he was off school for 2 days with an upper respiratory infection, but from Wednesday onwards he was much much better and back on the beat. BUT, boy oh boy has been challenging me. Keith was away on business and so he started taking me on, on everything. It was infuriating : "I'm not going to school"... short of dragging him to school I had to just say, "We ARE going to school. NOW!" but it does occur to me that very soon he'll realise that Mummy can't make him go. It hasn't stopped since Keith got back - it's been the same the past two days.
Clive said their middle son has also been through the angry, I'm not doing that, you can't make me phase. Keith and I came to blows yesterday about how to deal with it, and I challenged him to come up with 5 (practical) solutions to the challenges. Everyone seems to agree that we need to stick to our guns, under any and all circumstances. Zack needs boundaries big time right now. (exhausting) I'm hoping the phase will pass soon.
On the other end, Calvin is playing the "Look at me: I'm so good and I don't get into trouble" angle. It makes things hard because he IS doing the right thing - just that being cute and rubbing it in makes life particularly hard for the big-brother and the disciplining.

it's a simile and a sore throat

boys in the maze at Blenheim Palace, near Oxford

Zack is coming along nicely with the homework - why ? Keith (the genius father), discovered that giving points for reading difficult words would be the key. He hands out double points too, for extra difficult words. Zack loves it. At some point there is going to have to be a reward for these points - as yet, it's open season for ideas. Any suggestions, leave me a comment please.
Year One (Zack's class) are studying "Mini Beasts" this term, meaning all things insect, arachnid, arthropod and non-arthropod. The Americans would call them "Bugs" but I guess it's broader than that. He is fascinated by worms and insisted on digging up a few earth worms to take to school for Show-and-Tell. The poor blighters had to sleep in the plastic box (with air-holed lid) overnight before being taken the next morning. You can predict the conversation at breakfast time:
Me: Please can you take your worms out of the kitchen ?
Zack: But Mom.... I have to take them to school for Show-and-Tell
Me: Yes, but they don't have to be in the kitchen
Zack: (whining) Mom....
Me: Love. They can wait for you at the front door. They don't have to be here ontop of the counter where Mommy is making food - it's disgusting.
Zack: Aw Mom.
Me: Please love. Now.
Zack: (unwillingly picks up worms in plastic container) They're not dirty you know!
The teacher insisted that they be brought home again and not released at school. Lol! Gotta love learning.

He's loving language too - must be my child - as he jumped up the other day, while listening to a song on the CD player and said, "mommy! that's a simile. It used "like"...", yes I've said it before: He is a genius.
Zack is also keenly aware of bodies and spiritual matters. He wants to know why people have sexual organs and what they're for. It's a step further than Calvin, who still asks why only boys have willies?
We have had long conversations in the car about Heaven and Hell. What Heaven is like?, who will be there?, will we eat food?, what we're going to do?, etc. It's been testing my theological knowledge somewhat but that's a good thing. I did a heavy study in "Hell" a few years ago, but have never attempted a thorough biblical study of "Heaven"... it may be time. Foundational knowledge is everything.
Seems like everyone is suffering from tonsilitis. Zack is now complaining of a sore "neck" and pointing to his esophagus. He's taken some cough mixture AND sucked cough drops throughout the day. He's not eating much at all and has a nasty cough (when he does cough - which is rarely). I think it's really sore, so it'll be doctor phoning time tomorrow morning.

Homework show down

Zack tells me he hates homework. I have no idea why. We never do his homework. His classmates (apparently) read at home without any resistance. He is digging his heels in. I have made a star chart. From today, things are gonna change around here. If he doesn't do it - no stars or ticks or stickers. I am going to decide what the 'failure to do homework' response will be. He needs to take responsibility now that he's 6. sigh.

displaced

We have visitors staying for 2 weeks - friends who work in a church in Soweto, South Africa. For some weird reason both boys are extremely unsettled. Zack has been acting up, Calvin has been crying without much reason - he can't explain himself, nor can he keep it together. Poor little tot! I've tried to console him and ask what's the matter, but he just isn't able to explain what's going on. He is extremely tired in the afternoons too, so has little resilience. I can honestly say that I'm considering Ephesians 6:12's observation, that... "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Having these friends to stay, has opened up our family to spiritual opposition in a way that is 'out of the normal' (whatever that measure may be). It is enough of a struggle / challenge for me to really notice it. It's tough tough tough. Better get praying

where do they put it ?

Yes, I am aware that boys eat alot of food - I remember my dad talking about going over to a mate's house and eating the place empty in one sitting. I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 6 year old. I buy bananas in bunches of 12 or 20 these days, I buy apples by the 8 or the 10; I don't buy one loaf of bread any more, I always buy 2; they wolf a can of baked beans; a box of 48 Weetabix hardly lasts a fortnight; mini yoghurts get bought by the dozen and we usually have more than that floating around in the fridge. What are they going to be like when they're teenagers ?

egg heads & drawing

The kids are on a roll - they just love drawing and writing at the moment. After years of moaning that I have sons that NEVER sit still and focus on something, both boys have taken to drawing for ages and ages and I had nothing to do with it! at all! Huzzah.
We're going through paper at quite a rate of knots and Zack wants to post every letter he writes to his Nana (at £1.10 a pop), so we're having to moderate the contributions.

We've had a run of head injuries - Zack fell down the stairs at Starbucks on Saturday, holding a full mug of hot chocolate :( poor bub. He had an egg on the back of his head after that.
Calvin was scooting in Ally Pally playground and managed to handle the skateboard drop-off thrice, but the fourth time he fell forward onto his scooter and T-bar'd his forehead, ending up with a blue grape in the middle of his forehead. Amazingly he hardly cried and still says it doesn't hurt 28 hours later. His brother just needs to tease him or bump him and he wails like something dreadful has happened, but one bump on the head has had very little effect in comparison. Kids!

dangerous objects

walking in the snow in Burnham Wood last weekend.
Yes - that's me carrying Calvin's bike

So Calvin and Zack are interested in sharp knives AND fire. The latter because the electric ignition on our gas stove has gone on the blink, so we're using matches every time we cook anything. The former because they've observed the difference cutting with their kiddie implements and my kitchen knives has made. This week I had Calvin (now 3 1/2) cutting up carrots with a large knife - under supervision of course (for all your web trolls), and Zack slicing oranges and orange peels. It freaks me out completely and I think that's the end of that exercise, but isn't it interesting how children are drawn to these things ?

Someone once said to me that childhood is a long succession of near-death experiences. I guess that's one way of looking at it.

It made me think of a collection of children's stories I discovered about 10 years ago : Struwwel Peter. The stories were written more than 150 years ago and drive home the "if you do this, then that will happen to you" - usually death or punishment. Wowzer! How did I end up on such a bleak note? There are better ways to teach children safety in the home.

reverse psychology

The new way of getting this done at Chez Guthrie is to say the opposite. If I need socks put on, then I say 'not allowed' OR 'you can't do it'. Alternately if either Zack or Calvin show an ability to do something, I then say, 'You are TOO clever. Don't do that again', which leads to much hilarity and repetition as they prove they can do it. Calvin now shouts at me, "Say 'Stop doing that' to me Mommy!" giggle giggle.
Calvin is definitely the mechanically minded child - he loves to observe and tinker with things. I turned Zack's bike upside down, so that he could let the pedals rotate freely. He held onto the chain and moved it back and forth on the teeth of the cogs. He used the brakes and pedals - all very intriguing. He is still obsessed with trains and loves to build his train set in the lounge.
Both he and Zack were delighted with the Scalectrix set they got for Christmas but as it wasn't the most high quality set, the connections have got a bit tired from over-use. tut tut.
Current DVD obsessions are : Ice Age, Dawn of the Dinosaurs; Cars 2 (another Xmas pressie)

Zack can ride a bike!

Today Zack rode his bike at Kenwood House for the first time without training wheels. A momentous occasion

"No" means "Yes" means "No"...

I don't often think, "Hey, it was a great idea to keep a blog of my kids' progress all these years!", but tonight I quickly flipped back to compare Zack's behaviour at 3 years, and 3 months, to Calvin's behaviour at the moment. Sigh. Right on target is what it is. Everything is "No", and then he wails and wails. Today, on the way home, he (Calvin that is) said to me that he wants to make jelly. I said, 'Great. Let's do it.' He starts wailing, 'No Mommy. No!' So I'm left guessing...
I say, 'Do you want to make jelly? or do you not want to make jelly?'
- more wailing.
I say, 'Do you want Mommy to help you make jelly?'
- more wailing.
I say, 'Okay. We won't make jelly then. We can make something else.'
- the wailing cranks up a notch, with 'No Mommy!' added for good measure.
I say, 'No you do, or no you don't want to make jelly? Or 'No' you don't want to make something else?' It's absolutely exasperating.
- more wailing and 'No Mommy'.
I shout at him, 'Either you want something, like jelly, or you don't want something. Mommy can't tell if you do want jelly or not. Mommy doesn't know what you want! You must stop this now!'
- 'Mommy, you carry me' comes the pleading response.
'Mommy can't carry Calvin, I'm sorry. Calvin is three now and too heavy for Mommy to carry home.'
- more wailing.
You can't win.

We came home. Found some yellow jelly in the fridge and he ate that. Then we found a new packet of orange jelly and made jelly for supper. Problem solved :)

self aware

the boys are growing up. Calvin revealed an amazing emotional self awareness two weeks ago as I sat and watched "Lost and Found" on DVD with him. He could actually say that he was sad and looked back on it for a few days, and identified it. Bless him.
Zack has decided that going to school in the grey double-breasted cardi that we bought together is "the business" because the teacher noticed him and said how smart he looked. He's becoming aware of looking good and what nice clothes (aarrghh = fashion) can do. Clothes maketh a man!

themes for the term

The theme for the term in Year 1 is "Dungeons and Dragons", so we've had a lovely time singing 'Puff the Magic Dragon', and making castles and talking about dragons.
A very dedicated chap, Jim Batty, has put together this website and walking tour (and photo safari) of 'dragons in London'. I seized the opportunity and took the boys into town to see dragons and meet Daddy for a hamburger. It was great fun.

at Bank Station

pleasantly surprised

The past two weeks have been insanely busy with school starting, a string of visitors and just getting back into a routine (freelance work, counseling, exercise, extra murals for kids, etc).
Keith has gone away for the weekend on a team-building event with work, which has meant the prospect of two solid days of childcare with no respite or support. Fair to say I was dreading it. However, it is a testimony to a growing maturity in both children, that the past two days have been really rather good. We spent yesterday with my cousin in Maidenhead, coming home around 9pm; today was church, a lovely lunch at home and games, tv and fun in the afternoon. We ended the day with baking biscuits and going for pizza. Overall both boys have been model citizens without any tantrums from Zack (astonishing) and mostly good interaction between the two of them.
Not to speak too soon, but by noon tomorrow I will have survived the full 48 hours. Hallelujah! I haven't been committed.

Future Holidays

Note to self for future holidays :

Do...
-take a nanny/ au pair with you, so that you can have a lie-in every morning you're away
-go somewhere that the children can play outside (eg. seaside, resort with pool, etc)
-go for self catering where possible - it means you can do mealtimes which approximate normality
-go somewhere you're guaranteed of sunshine
-plan ahead and book as far in advance as seems rational

Do NOT...
-go away for one week here and then another week there. Do two weeks in one place - it's more relaxing, it's less travel, it's less hassle, it's less worry, it's less schlepp - I think I've made my point
-choose to sleep in the rubbish bed even if it's the double. The comfortable single bed wins every time - kids can be moved

facial hare

Keith is using a razor to shave, while the boys are bathing in the bathtub. This conversation ensued...
Keith: So, have you seen someone shaving like this, before ?
Zack: Yes Dad... Shrek !
(no Fiona ?) !

Later on....
Zack: So where are you going tonight Daddy?
Keith: on a date with Mommy
... So one day, you'll have to shave too when you're going on a date with a girl.

happy pics despite it all

Bungee fun at the Summer Fair

Up and Away

Glorious sunny afternoon in Coldfall Woods

brothers: aged 35 months and 63 months (5 years +)

Here we go again!

Night three hundred and sixtyfive zillion, eight hundred and tootyfive....
It is now 8:22pm and Calvin & Zack are playing silly-buggers in the bathroom under the pretense of needing to "wee" Mommy. I have been into their room twice already, separated them from one another and into their own beds (bunkbed), as Calvin can't get down by himself - but he can get up! Exhausting.
After a while I just get sick and tired of going up there and yelling at them. Last night it went on until after 9:30pm and they were both sobbing in separate rooms. What does it take to get the message ? I just don't know