oh! the Tantrums, the tantrums, the @£$%^ tantrums

what a week it has been. 7year old has gone for the "Big Daddy" approach - kill mommy with tantrums and freaking out. Monday was the worst day, Tuesday was a bit better, Wednesday we ramped it up again, Thursday was passable, and Friday (sorry Wham, it wasn't the best day!) was the doppio day. All he wants is attention, but @£$%!£ hell. The method is driving me mental. I don't even want to see him after this week, but I've got the whole weekend ahead of me.

Sigh

Sigh

Sigh

Trying to remember that I'm the adult. Do not get involved in any arguments with the CHILD. Walk away. Don't get embroiled. Don't blow a gasket.

it's time to go

Oh joy of joys ! There is nothing quite like going to collect your children from a play date. "Pick up time" : it sows dread in the heart of even the strongest mother. I just despise it - you forewarn them that it's going to happen, you tell them that when you arrive we are going to have to leave. You try and manage their expectations, but there's still the wailing and gnashing of teeth at 'home time'. It drives me to distraction.
One is physically too strong for me to force out of the house and too heavy to pick up. The other goes for a different tack - he attacks his friend as we're about to leave. Is there some weird need for attention? Are they trying to get back at me, for calling an end to the fun ? yes. that's it.

THEY'RE ONLY CHILDREN

money matters

I have opened bank accounts for both children now. I decided to go to Santander as they're local and we have our mortgage with them. I seldom use a high street bank, but convenience is important and you have to start somewhere. Zack has seized the idea with both hands - already deposited £15.50 into his account (from pocket money and tooth fairy savings), and has acquired a further £10 + while we were on holiday which he's ready to deposit. He has such a generous spirit : yesterday we went to the bank at 5:20pm to discover it closes at 5pm, so we crossed the road and went for a Starbucks. I'd paid for drinks and a nibble each, but then he insisted on buying Calvin a further lollypop and himself a biscuit - with the money he had in his purse (which was en-route to the now, closed bank). And then insisted on buying a bag of crisps for me. Bless him, he has a very giving nature.

at Huntsville Alabama, the national Space & Rocket Centre

My attitude | Their attitude
While in the USA on holiday (Spring Break / Easter hols), I genuinely struggled with their ingratitude. It's so difficult when you're away from home, living in different accommodation every night, eating out or having take-aways for at least 2 meals a day. On the one hand I'm delighted that they're confident and and can ask anyone for help or assistance; on the other hand, their attitude of 'this is what I want, and I want it now' really erked me. The transition from lower middle class in my childhood, to the affluent upbringing that our children are having is a difficult one to navigate. You want your children to realise the value of things : not just money, but what goes into a holiday, the value of labour, the value of these unique experiences. We will be in South Africa for all of August and I'm thinking very seriously of spending a few days at an orphanage in Soweto with a friend of mine so that they can see first-hand what it is to have no parents, no toys, in need.
Zack has been studying "Fairtrade" at school, and seems to have an understanding of poverty. It chimes with his generosity, it's true. I'd like to flesh that out a bit though.

Calvin is still a very self-contained little boy. I did however have an insight into his personality while we were away, thanks to Greg's comments. Calvin really looks up to Zack - hero worship - and feels very protective of him. So when Zack has a tantrum, it's Calvin who 'feels' the agony/frustration. There is a symbiosis there which we, as parents, are not plugged into. I hadn't recognised it until we were out of our normal environment, and I think I don't see it at home because Calvin is so quiet in himself. My eyes have been opened, and I will now be looking to him as a barometer of Zack's emotional well-being.

farewell full fat milk

Zack will be turning 7 in just a few days time, and Calvin is 4 1/2. More and more they've been using the 'green' milk (milk labels in the UK are green for semi-skimmed, blue for full fat, and red for fat free). I've decided to stop buying the full-fat milk now. They're both well and truly onto solids, and I don't think there's much need to be buying two different kinds of milk anymore. I haven't done any reading about it - ignorance is bliss. Perhaps I should ? who has time...

he did it ! pulled them out all by himself

incredibly, Zack has pulled out both his front teeth himself. In one weekend!
the toothfairy is still absolutely rubbish at time-keeping. She took two days on both occasions to show up - disgraceful. Ah well, such is life in a busy family with exhausted parents. He got £2 per tooth, as the they're both front teeth. He was delighted to add this to his growing collection of pounds and pence.
He is now telling me what he can and cannot afford in shops, as he has £16 !!
I think Keith's discussion worked

 our wonky smile after pulling out the first one

 

the tooth in question, about to be sent to file 13

earning potential

We shop at a local grocery store - Sainsbury's. It's a huge chain in Britain. Our local shop has a community feel about it, beyond the soulless black plastic crates that mark Sainsbury's national fresh produce sections, and the awful silver shelving that is the same. We go in and out daily picking up a few items. Zack (now 6 3/4yrs) and Calvin (4 1/4yrs) used to be on first name terms with the security guard at the front door, until they changed staff. Today while we were packing our bags, the boys were running hither and thither collecting blue shopping baskets and stacking them up.
When we left, Zack piped up saying, "When I'm big, I want to be a Sainsbury's man. I want to do the packets."
Calvin chimed in saying, "When I'm big, I also want to be a Sainsbury's man. But I want to do the boxes."
Keith couldn't let it go, and so began a long discussion with Zack on earnings. What does he think a man at Sainsbury's earns ? etc.
Zack started off saying that he must work very hard if he wants to earn £500/day at Sainsbury's. Keith said he very much doubted that the man at Sainsbury's earned £500/day.
I wasn't privy to the rest of the conversation, chasing Calvin down the snowy pavement, but I bet it was interesting. I wonder what Zack thinks ?

kids say...

So we're walking along the snow covered pavement in France, carrying skiis, poles, and all the other paraphernalia involved in going downhill fast. Calvin looks at the ground where someone has carefully scattered black grit, and says "Look Mom! Lemon and poppyseed!"

how cute is that ?

Disappointment

Christmas is not the easiest time for any family. My Nana passed away on Christmas Day in 1999, which cuts really deeply for me. Christmas morning is done in a certain way in the Garratt family, and in a different way in the Guthrie family. Keith and I are still finding our groove about how the presents are given and opened on Christmas morning. This morning was just awful : we woke up at 8:05am after going to bed after 1am. We could hear little people downstairs, but nothing prepared me for the carnage in the lounge. Every gift that I had spent hours wrapping and labelling. Every present that had been carefully chosen for Zack and for Calvin, had been ripped open and discarded. There were gifts and paper lying everywhere - the carpet was hidden under the mess. Gifts for friends and family had been ripped open in the mania.
And to top it all off, Zack was the MOST ungrateful little sod in the entire world. Last night I'd said to Keith that I was concerned as he seemed to have the bulk of the gifts - significantly less than Calvin. This morning you'd never know it. He sulked and pouted and said how unfair it all was. He said, "I hate this family". And he's only six. F**king hell! I was so upset about it. I cried and cried upstairs, and then came down and made them listen to why we give gifts, that each one is chosen and wrapped with care. That we need to think about what people have given us. I don't know if it's turned around, but I certainly feel like I just want to get on my bike and go away.
My aunt called to wish us a Merry Christmas, and every fibre of my being wanted to go to the airport and pay a four-figure sum for a flight to South Africa.

write it down or you'll forget

Kids say the funniest things... Zack this morning, "Bubble gum is the best thing ever !.... not as good as olives, but bubblegum is the best thing EVER!!"

Oh, the joys of children over the age of 3 ! it goes on, and on, and on.........

what to feed them ?

This is the topic of tomes and tomes of literature, but what I'm asking is 'what do I feed them?' within a context : Mummy is training really hard at the moment, I have no interest in big meals. Daddy comes home late and eats whatever is on the plate. Altho' my boys both eat well, and (here's a pat on my back) love fruit and veggies, I am concerned about two things :
1. quantity
2. time of day
Our youngest eats like a ravenous beast in the mornings. His first words EVERY MORNING are, "Mommy, pl'can I have some breakfast ?" which is so endearing. He takes his slender little frame downstairs, plonks himself on a chair, finds a bowl and proceeds to have 3 bowls of cereal. he doesn't always have the same thing - he likes Coco pops, he likes Weetabix, he likes Rice Crispies, he likes a bit of toast and jam, he likes porridge, he even likes All Bran Flakes. Sometimes he'll head off after that have have a nectarine, munch on an apple, or even beg for some yoghurt.
Our eldest is not the hungriest hunter at dawn. he's happy to have what the youngest is having (sibling rivalry and competitiveness is alive and well here), or what daddy's having - which is ALWAYS All Bran Flakes.

At lunchtime during the school week, I have learnt that I must not offer too many options. If I make the sandwiches and they choose which flavour of juice or yoghurt they're getting, that's quite enough. the youngest is not a big cheese eater. the eldest goes on cucumber sandwich eating binges. They often spot something in someone else's lunchbox that looks enticing, but once we buy it and it appears in theirs, their tune changes. sigh!

Dinners... (more to come on this)

I always have a big bowl of fruit in the kitchen - and I've always said, "help yourself anytime". It means we get through bananas by the dozen (usually over 2-3 days), apples in tens, grapes by the bag (I buy them in pairs now), nectarines, plums and peaches by the punnet, and other speciality items go down with varying success. Mangoes are a big hit. 'nuff said.

The youngest loves yoghurt, and that is often the only way to get him to eat his dinner. He is also a grazer, so will come back to his plate a few times before finishing it in the evenings. It's a tough one because I do want them to stay at the table until the meal is finished, which is impossible with him. the eldest is a great eater, and he'll eat all his dinner and ask for seconds often. he loves baked beans (I never did).

growing vegetables

We bought some tomato plants. Zack put them in the ground. I staked them (I need to learn more about that - symmetry and precision don't work). We are now harvesting a tiny crop of about 2 or 4 tomatoes per week,  to much excitement! What shall we grow next ?

two weeks down : school hols

Whew! well, we've got through 2 weeks of school holidays. And they were the easy ones : I'd got myself organised and booked both boys into Enjoy-a-Ball for week 1, then Zack into the London Football Academy's holiday camp for week 2. Next week (3) we'll be going it alone, but I have quite a bit to do eg. go to the flat and get a few things done, have a playdate with friends, sort out an admin thing or two, banking for the flat, invoicing for myself, etc.
Mum arrives next Friday - Praise the Lord! Keith and I can get more sleep in the mornings. and we can do some fun things together, outings for kids, sightseeing, and more.
Week 4 we have a little holiday planned.

Food & Growth
I always say this but it's more true at the moment than usual : I cannot keep up with the food consumption. Both boys are eating an enormous amount of fruit and bread - if I buy a punnet of nectarines, they'll be demolished in one sitting. I only buy fruit in 8's, 10's and 12's now. There's no point in buying any less - I'll only have to go back tomorrow.
Calvin is shooting up and gaining a more solid frame.
Zack continues to struggle with his weight - he's just a big boy, chunky and has a great appetite (too great sometimes) - that's why the sport is so important. We keep having to monitor the access to crisps and sweet treats like cake. So many parents have them lying around and won't say "no", when asked sweetly. Zack can ask very sweetly when he wants to.

Progress
We've been making some progress with Zack as we tackle the emotional freak-outs. Bless him - it's so hard for him to reign it in, but he's taking steps in the right direction. I was talking to a lovely friend yesterday who has 3 boys and I mentioned that Wednesday was the breaking point, when I completely lost it with Zack in the morning, and she concurred. How refreshing.
We've got star charts running for both boys at the moment : Zack for reading, behaviour and keeping the hamster's cage clean; Calvin for wiping his own bottom on the loo. He needs incentivisation as he starts Reception in a month's time and he STILL calls Keith and I to do the job. [rolls eyes] Kids are so clever - he can do it at nursery, but he cannot do it at home.

 Alan Wills sits with the boys after his Olympic Archery event. We'd bumped into his Mum & Dad at Lord's, and were delighted to see them all in the park afterwards - so we posed for a photo together

Olympic Games
Last Friday night was the Opening Ceremony which both boys stayed up to watch. Calvin hardly lasted 10 minutes into the show, as it started at 9pm, but Zack kept going for almost an hour - enough time to see Mr Bean play under Simon Rattle's baton. It left the biggest impression as we had long discussions the following day about Mr Bean being 'alive', and not Johnny English or Rowan Atkinson. Too cute!
We went to see Archery on Saturday morning at dawn - we had to be there by 7:45am so it was an early start. Archery is not the most interesting spectator sport, but the boys were thrilled to just be there and were well behaved for most of it.
We have tickets to the Basketball IN the Olympic Park tomorrow morning, so it'll be an even earlier start for us. Oh dear - and today I was up at 6:15am with Calvin. I am going to be one tired mommy

school's out !

All good things must come to an end. School finished today and what madness the last 2 weeks have been. It is inexplicable to me why two little people can be so wound up, when they appear to have been spending most days watching movies and playing in the playground. Surely they're just plain tired, and want to have a break ? Not a chance. Zack's behaviour has been severely testing me (and his boundaries) for the past fortnight, and Calvin is trying it on too. Zack, Keith and I had a meeting on Sunday night to discuss boundaries, behaviour and consequences as we were resorting to screaming, dragging him to his room (he wouldn't go there himself), and threatening hidings. It is soul-destroying parenting. As such, we agreed on new parameters.
This week alone he has had a hiding before school following a 45 minute tantrum, and Keith took away £2 of his pocket money for disgusting behaviour. He is challenging authority at every turn. It is exhausting. Where's my lovely Zack ? I just don't know :(
I really hope I have the reserves to get through 6 weeks of holidays - thankfully 3 weeks and Mum will be here to divert some of the 'boundary pushing', and they know where they stand with her.

frikkin' Wii

Zack is six. We have a Wii. We have 2 games - Mario Kart and Winter Olympic Games. Zack has played it more and more in the past few months and is getting really adept at Mario Kart. He now comes in 1st or 2nd place, BUT... and it's a big but... he can completely lose it if he doesn't win or come close. Just a few minutes ago he was coming 8th and he was FREAKING out. I turned the TV off, after asking him calm down again and again. Of course, this makes him even more angry. He doesn't seem to understand that it's just a game. That he can play it again and again. In the end he went to his bedroom because he couldn't stop freaking out. Sheesh! And he wants a DS. No way! Jose!

Better for it

Keith and I got away for a week over the half-term holidays - we went to Italy without the children. The boys stayed in London with Tina, enjoyed children's activities, went to a football camp, ate at MacDonalds (we never go) and had a blast.
People's responses to the news that we were going to be away for more than a few nights were really revealing. Some were completely aghast at the idea, others said, "Next time, go for 2 weeks".
On our return, the kids punished us for abandoning them - their behaviour was filled with anger and frustration, but we're in a normal routine again, and they both seem happy and secure.
I'm a better parent for a bit of space and change of scenery. It had enormous benefits, and I'll consider it again for next year - tho' next year we'll probably take the kids with us AND a grandparent if we can cajole one of them to the UK (sigh).

Mister Angry Eyes

We've just had a visit from Clive who has 3 boys. Two of them are older than ours. Useful conversations ensued. Zack has been very hard work the past week - yes, he was off school for 2 days with an upper respiratory infection, but from Wednesday onwards he was much much better and back on the beat. BUT, boy oh boy has been challenging me. Keith was away on business and so he started taking me on, on everything. It was infuriating : "I'm not going to school"... short of dragging him to school I had to just say, "We ARE going to school. NOW!" but it does occur to me that very soon he'll realise that Mummy can't make him go. It hasn't stopped since Keith got back - it's been the same the past two days.
Clive said their middle son has also been through the angry, I'm not doing that, you can't make me phase. Keith and I came to blows yesterday about how to deal with it, and I challenged him to come up with 5 (practical) solutions to the challenges. Everyone seems to agree that we need to stick to our guns, under any and all circumstances. Zack needs boundaries big time right now. (exhausting) I'm hoping the phase will pass soon.
On the other end, Calvin is playing the "Look at me: I'm so good and I don't get into trouble" angle. It makes things hard because he IS doing the right thing - just that being cute and rubbing it in makes life particularly hard for the big-brother and the disciplining.

it's a simile and a sore throat

boys in the maze at Blenheim Palace, near Oxford

Zack is coming along nicely with the homework - why ? Keith (the genius father), discovered that giving points for reading difficult words would be the key. He hands out double points too, for extra difficult words. Zack loves it. At some point there is going to have to be a reward for these points - as yet, it's open season for ideas. Any suggestions, leave me a comment please.
Year One (Zack's class) are studying "Mini Beasts" this term, meaning all things insect, arachnid, arthropod and non-arthropod. The Americans would call them "Bugs" but I guess it's broader than that. He is fascinated by worms and insisted on digging up a few earth worms to take to school for Show-and-Tell. The poor blighters had to sleep in the plastic box (with air-holed lid) overnight before being taken the next morning. You can predict the conversation at breakfast time:
Me: Please can you take your worms out of the kitchen ?
Zack: But Mom.... I have to take them to school for Show-and-Tell
Me: Yes, but they don't have to be in the kitchen
Zack: (whining) Mom....
Me: Love. They can wait for you at the front door. They don't have to be here ontop of the counter where Mommy is making food - it's disgusting.
Zack: Aw Mom.
Me: Please love. Now.
Zack: (unwillingly picks up worms in plastic container) They're not dirty you know!
The teacher insisted that they be brought home again and not released at school. Lol! Gotta love learning.

He's loving language too - must be my child - as he jumped up the other day, while listening to a song on the CD player and said, "mommy! that's a simile. It used "like"...", yes I've said it before: He is a genius.
Zack is also keenly aware of bodies and spiritual matters. He wants to know why people have sexual organs and what they're for. It's a step further than Calvin, who still asks why only boys have willies?
We have had long conversations in the car about Heaven and Hell. What Heaven is like?, who will be there?, will we eat food?, what we're going to do?, etc. It's been testing my theological knowledge somewhat but that's a good thing. I did a heavy study in "Hell" a few years ago, but have never attempted a thorough biblical study of "Heaven"... it may be time. Foundational knowledge is everything.
Seems like everyone is suffering from tonsilitis. Zack is now complaining of a sore "neck" and pointing to his esophagus. He's taken some cough mixture AND sucked cough drops throughout the day. He's not eating much at all and has a nasty cough (when he does cough - which is rarely). I think it's really sore, so it'll be doctor phoning time tomorrow morning.

Homework show down

Zack tells me he hates homework. I have no idea why. We never do his homework. His classmates (apparently) read at home without any resistance. He is digging his heels in. I have made a star chart. From today, things are gonna change around here. If he doesn't do it - no stars or ticks or stickers. I am going to decide what the 'failure to do homework' response will be. He needs to take responsibility now that he's 6. sigh.

displaced

We have visitors staying for 2 weeks - friends who work in a church in Soweto, South Africa. For some weird reason both boys are extremely unsettled. Zack has been acting up, Calvin has been crying without much reason - he can't explain himself, nor can he keep it together. Poor little tot! I've tried to console him and ask what's the matter, but he just isn't able to explain what's going on. He is extremely tired in the afternoons too, so has little resilience. I can honestly say that I'm considering Ephesians 6:12's observation, that... "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Having these friends to stay, has opened up our family to spiritual opposition in a way that is 'out of the normal' (whatever that measure may be). It is enough of a struggle / challenge for me to really notice it. It's tough tough tough. Better get praying