I feel awful : zack in plaster

Zack rolled over off his changing unit yesterday morning, and fell onto the floor. I was standing right there, and had just turned to put his nappy in the bin. He cried and cried - he let me hold him for more than an hour while the crying came and went. I wasn't sure if he'd just concussed himself, or if there was something more serious because he could move his arms and legs, hands and toes, his head from side to side, and was quite lucid. A little later, I tried to see if he would stand supported on my lap, but he wouldn't put any weight on his left leg, and I thought it was looking a bit swollen (it is so hard to tell as his legs are so chubby), so I went off to A&E at the Royal. The girls there were very sweet, and said that it happens often. I felt just awful - so guilty for changing his nappy, AND I'd been saying that he needed to be watched on raised surfaces. Boy oh boy.

Initially they thought it might just be sprained... all the while telling me how often this happens. But once we'd been for a few xrays, they could see that he'd fractured his femur above the knee. Plaster is what they do and Zack now has a cast from his hip to his toes. Poor little guy! I feel just terrible, and keep contemplating all that he'll be missing out on in the next 6 weeks. He's been SO mobile lately, wriggling around, flipping himself over at every opportunity. Well, that's how it happened, but still... I feel just awful about it.

I was saying to Keith, that the upside is that Zack did it while I was looking after him, and not Keith. We both laughed, but it's true - I would have been angry and annoyed at Keith, whereas Keith is being very supportive. Still, I feel awful about it happening. I can't even say, "I wasn't there." I was. If I didn't feel guilty about being a mummy, I do now.

Zack is doing OK - despite being in pain last night, he slept well, and was chipper and his usual self this morning. He's frustrated that he can't roll over, so I'm spending more time 'supervising' and assisting play, but we'll take it a day at a time. Poor little chap.