Disappointment

Christmas is not the easiest time for any family. My Nana passed away on Christmas Day in 1999, which cuts really deeply for me. Christmas morning is done in a certain way in the Garratt family, and in a different way in the Guthrie family. Keith and I are still finding our groove about how the presents are given and opened on Christmas morning. This morning was just awful : we woke up at 8:05am after going to bed after 1am. We could hear little people downstairs, but nothing prepared me for the carnage in the lounge. Every gift that I had spent hours wrapping and labelling. Every present that had been carefully chosen for Zack and for Calvin, had been ripped open and discarded. There were gifts and paper lying everywhere - the carpet was hidden under the mess. Gifts for friends and family had been ripped open in the mania.
And to top it all off, Zack was the MOST ungrateful little sod in the entire world. Last night I'd said to Keith that I was concerned as he seemed to have the bulk of the gifts - significantly less than Calvin. This morning you'd never know it. He sulked and pouted and said how unfair it all was. He said, "I hate this family". And he's only six. F**king hell! I was so upset about it. I cried and cried upstairs, and then came down and made them listen to why we give gifts, that each one is chosen and wrapped with care. That we need to think about what people have given us. I don't know if it's turned around, but I certainly feel like I just want to get on my bike and go away.
My aunt called to wish us a Merry Christmas, and every fibre of my being wanted to go to the airport and pay a four-figure sum for a flight to South Africa.

write it down or you'll forget

Kids say the funniest things... Zack this morning, "Bubble gum is the best thing ever !.... not as good as olives, but bubblegum is the best thing EVER!!"

Oh, the joys of children over the age of 3 ! it goes on, and on, and on.........

what to feed them ?

This is the topic of tomes and tomes of literature, but what I'm asking is 'what do I feed them?' within a context : Mummy is training really hard at the moment, I have no interest in big meals. Daddy comes home late and eats whatever is on the plate. Altho' my boys both eat well, and (here's a pat on my back) love fruit and veggies, I am concerned about two things :
1. quantity
2. time of day
Our youngest eats like a ravenous beast in the mornings. His first words EVERY MORNING are, "Mommy, pl'can I have some breakfast ?" which is so endearing. He takes his slender little frame downstairs, plonks himself on a chair, finds a bowl and proceeds to have 3 bowls of cereal. he doesn't always have the same thing - he likes Coco pops, he likes Weetabix, he likes Rice Crispies, he likes a bit of toast and jam, he likes porridge, he even likes All Bran Flakes. Sometimes he'll head off after that have have a nectarine, munch on an apple, or even beg for some yoghurt.
Our eldest is not the hungriest hunter at dawn. he's happy to have what the youngest is having (sibling rivalry and competitiveness is alive and well here), or what daddy's having - which is ALWAYS All Bran Flakes.

At lunchtime during the school week, I have learnt that I must not offer too many options. If I make the sandwiches and they choose which flavour of juice or yoghurt they're getting, that's quite enough. the youngest is not a big cheese eater. the eldest goes on cucumber sandwich eating binges. They often spot something in someone else's lunchbox that looks enticing, but once we buy it and it appears in theirs, their tune changes. sigh!

Dinners... (more to come on this)

I always have a big bowl of fruit in the kitchen - and I've always said, "help yourself anytime". It means we get through bananas by the dozen (usually over 2-3 days), apples in tens, grapes by the bag (I buy them in pairs now), nectarines, plums and peaches by the punnet, and other speciality items go down with varying success. Mangoes are a big hit. 'nuff said.

The youngest loves yoghurt, and that is often the only way to get him to eat his dinner. He is also a grazer, so will come back to his plate a few times before finishing it in the evenings. It's a tough one because I do want them to stay at the table until the meal is finished, which is impossible with him. the eldest is a great eater, and he'll eat all his dinner and ask for seconds often. he loves baked beans (I never did).

growing vegetables

We bought some tomato plants. Zack put them in the ground. I staked them (I need to learn more about that - symmetry and precision don't work). We are now harvesting a tiny crop of about 2 or 4 tomatoes per week,  to much excitement! What shall we grow next ?

two weeks down : school hols

Whew! well, we've got through 2 weeks of school holidays. And they were the easy ones : I'd got myself organised and booked both boys into Enjoy-a-Ball for week 1, then Zack into the London Football Academy's holiday camp for week 2. Next week (3) we'll be going it alone, but I have quite a bit to do eg. go to the flat and get a few things done, have a playdate with friends, sort out an admin thing or two, banking for the flat, invoicing for myself, etc.
Mum arrives next Friday - Praise the Lord! Keith and I can get more sleep in the mornings. and we can do some fun things together, outings for kids, sightseeing, and more.
Week 4 we have a little holiday planned.

Food & Growth
I always say this but it's more true at the moment than usual : I cannot keep up with the food consumption. Both boys are eating an enormous amount of fruit and bread - if I buy a punnet of nectarines, they'll be demolished in one sitting. I only buy fruit in 8's, 10's and 12's now. There's no point in buying any less - I'll only have to go back tomorrow.
Calvin is shooting up and gaining a more solid frame.
Zack continues to struggle with his weight - he's just a big boy, chunky and has a great appetite (too great sometimes) - that's why the sport is so important. We keep having to monitor the access to crisps and sweet treats like cake. So many parents have them lying around and won't say "no", when asked sweetly. Zack can ask very sweetly when he wants to.

Progress
We've been making some progress with Zack as we tackle the emotional freak-outs. Bless him - it's so hard for him to reign it in, but he's taking steps in the right direction. I was talking to a lovely friend yesterday who has 3 boys and I mentioned that Wednesday was the breaking point, when I completely lost it with Zack in the morning, and she concurred. How refreshing.
We've got star charts running for both boys at the moment : Zack for reading, behaviour and keeping the hamster's cage clean; Calvin for wiping his own bottom on the loo. He needs incentivisation as he starts Reception in a month's time and he STILL calls Keith and I to do the job. [rolls eyes] Kids are so clever - he can do it at nursery, but he cannot do it at home.

 Alan Wills sits with the boys after his Olympic Archery event. We'd bumped into his Mum & Dad at Lord's, and were delighted to see them all in the park afterwards - so we posed for a photo together

Olympic Games
Last Friday night was the Opening Ceremony which both boys stayed up to watch. Calvin hardly lasted 10 minutes into the show, as it started at 9pm, but Zack kept going for almost an hour - enough time to see Mr Bean play under Simon Rattle's baton. It left the biggest impression as we had long discussions the following day about Mr Bean being 'alive', and not Johnny English or Rowan Atkinson. Too cute!
We went to see Archery on Saturday morning at dawn - we had to be there by 7:45am so it was an early start. Archery is not the most interesting spectator sport, but the boys were thrilled to just be there and were well behaved for most of it.
We have tickets to the Basketball IN the Olympic Park tomorrow morning, so it'll be an even earlier start for us. Oh dear - and today I was up at 6:15am with Calvin. I am going to be one tired mommy

school's out !

All good things must come to an end. School finished today and what madness the last 2 weeks have been. It is inexplicable to me why two little people can be so wound up, when they appear to have been spending most days watching movies and playing in the playground. Surely they're just plain tired, and want to have a break ? Not a chance. Zack's behaviour has been severely testing me (and his boundaries) for the past fortnight, and Calvin is trying it on too. Zack, Keith and I had a meeting on Sunday night to discuss boundaries, behaviour and consequences as we were resorting to screaming, dragging him to his room (he wouldn't go there himself), and threatening hidings. It is soul-destroying parenting. As such, we agreed on new parameters.
This week alone he has had a hiding before school following a 45 minute tantrum, and Keith took away £2 of his pocket money for disgusting behaviour. He is challenging authority at every turn. It is exhausting. Where's my lovely Zack ? I just don't know :(
I really hope I have the reserves to get through 6 weeks of holidays - thankfully 3 weeks and Mum will be here to divert some of the 'boundary pushing', and they know where they stand with her.

frikkin' Wii

Zack is six. We have a Wii. We have 2 games - Mario Kart and Winter Olympic Games. Zack has played it more and more in the past few months and is getting really adept at Mario Kart. He now comes in 1st or 2nd place, BUT... and it's a big but... he can completely lose it if he doesn't win or come close. Just a few minutes ago he was coming 8th and he was FREAKING out. I turned the TV off, after asking him calm down again and again. Of course, this makes him even more angry. He doesn't seem to understand that it's just a game. That he can play it again and again. In the end he went to his bedroom because he couldn't stop freaking out. Sheesh! And he wants a DS. No way! Jose!

Better for it

Keith and I got away for a week over the half-term holidays - we went to Italy without the children. The boys stayed in London with Tina, enjoyed children's activities, went to a football camp, ate at MacDonalds (we never go) and had a blast.
People's responses to the news that we were going to be away for more than a few nights were really revealing. Some were completely aghast at the idea, others said, "Next time, go for 2 weeks".
On our return, the kids punished us for abandoning them - their behaviour was filled with anger and frustration, but we're in a normal routine again, and they both seem happy and secure.
I'm a better parent for a bit of space and change of scenery. It had enormous benefits, and I'll consider it again for next year - tho' next year we'll probably take the kids with us AND a grandparent if we can cajole one of them to the UK (sigh).

Mister Angry Eyes

We've just had a visit from Clive who has 3 boys. Two of them are older than ours. Useful conversations ensued. Zack has been very hard work the past week - yes, he was off school for 2 days with an upper respiratory infection, but from Wednesday onwards he was much much better and back on the beat. BUT, boy oh boy has been challenging me. Keith was away on business and so he started taking me on, on everything. It was infuriating : "I'm not going to school"... short of dragging him to school I had to just say, "We ARE going to school. NOW!" but it does occur to me that very soon he'll realise that Mummy can't make him go. It hasn't stopped since Keith got back - it's been the same the past two days.
Clive said their middle son has also been through the angry, I'm not doing that, you can't make me phase. Keith and I came to blows yesterday about how to deal with it, and I challenged him to come up with 5 (practical) solutions to the challenges. Everyone seems to agree that we need to stick to our guns, under any and all circumstances. Zack needs boundaries big time right now. (exhausting) I'm hoping the phase will pass soon.
On the other end, Calvin is playing the "Look at me: I'm so good and I don't get into trouble" angle. It makes things hard because he IS doing the right thing - just that being cute and rubbing it in makes life particularly hard for the big-brother and the disciplining.

it's a simile and a sore throat

boys in the maze at Blenheim Palace, near Oxford

Zack is coming along nicely with the homework - why ? Keith (the genius father), discovered that giving points for reading difficult words would be the key. He hands out double points too, for extra difficult words. Zack loves it. At some point there is going to have to be a reward for these points - as yet, it's open season for ideas. Any suggestions, leave me a comment please.
Year One (Zack's class) are studying "Mini Beasts" this term, meaning all things insect, arachnid, arthropod and non-arthropod. The Americans would call them "Bugs" but I guess it's broader than that. He is fascinated by worms and insisted on digging up a few earth worms to take to school for Show-and-Tell. The poor blighters had to sleep in the plastic box (with air-holed lid) overnight before being taken the next morning. You can predict the conversation at breakfast time:
Me: Please can you take your worms out of the kitchen ?
Zack: But Mom.... I have to take them to school for Show-and-Tell
Me: Yes, but they don't have to be in the kitchen
Zack: (whining) Mom....
Me: Love. They can wait for you at the front door. They don't have to be here ontop of the counter where Mommy is making food - it's disgusting.
Zack: Aw Mom.
Me: Please love. Now.
Zack: (unwillingly picks up worms in plastic container) They're not dirty you know!
The teacher insisted that they be brought home again and not released at school. Lol! Gotta love learning.

He's loving language too - must be my child - as he jumped up the other day, while listening to a song on the CD player and said, "mommy! that's a simile. It used "like"...", yes I've said it before: He is a genius.
Zack is also keenly aware of bodies and spiritual matters. He wants to know why people have sexual organs and what they're for. It's a step further than Calvin, who still asks why only boys have willies?
We have had long conversations in the car about Heaven and Hell. What Heaven is like?, who will be there?, will we eat food?, what we're going to do?, etc. It's been testing my theological knowledge somewhat but that's a good thing. I did a heavy study in "Hell" a few years ago, but have never attempted a thorough biblical study of "Heaven"... it may be time. Foundational knowledge is everything.
Seems like everyone is suffering from tonsilitis. Zack is now complaining of a sore "neck" and pointing to his esophagus. He's taken some cough mixture AND sucked cough drops throughout the day. He's not eating much at all and has a nasty cough (when he does cough - which is rarely). I think it's really sore, so it'll be doctor phoning time tomorrow morning.

Homework show down

Zack tells me he hates homework. I have no idea why. We never do his homework. His classmates (apparently) read at home without any resistance. He is digging his heels in. I have made a star chart. From today, things are gonna change around here. If he doesn't do it - no stars or ticks or stickers. I am going to decide what the 'failure to do homework' response will be. He needs to take responsibility now that he's 6. sigh.

displaced

We have visitors staying for 2 weeks - friends who work in a church in Soweto, South Africa. For some weird reason both boys are extremely unsettled. Zack has been acting up, Calvin has been crying without much reason - he can't explain himself, nor can he keep it together. Poor little tot! I've tried to console him and ask what's the matter, but he just isn't able to explain what's going on. He is extremely tired in the afternoons too, so has little resilience. I can honestly say that I'm considering Ephesians 6:12's observation, that... "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Having these friends to stay, has opened up our family to spiritual opposition in a way that is 'out of the normal' (whatever that measure may be). It is enough of a struggle / challenge for me to really notice it. It's tough tough tough. Better get praying

where do they put it ?

Yes, I am aware that boys eat alot of food - I remember my dad talking about going over to a mate's house and eating the place empty in one sitting. I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 6 year old. I buy bananas in bunches of 12 or 20 these days, I buy apples by the 8 or the 10; I don't buy one loaf of bread any more, I always buy 2; they wolf a can of baked beans; a box of 48 Weetabix hardly lasts a fortnight; mini yoghurts get bought by the dozen and we usually have more than that floating around in the fridge. What are they going to be like when they're teenagers ?

egg heads & drawing

The kids are on a roll - they just love drawing and writing at the moment. After years of moaning that I have sons that NEVER sit still and focus on something, both boys have taken to drawing for ages and ages and I had nothing to do with it! at all! Huzzah.
We're going through paper at quite a rate of knots and Zack wants to post every letter he writes to his Nana (at £1.10 a pop), so we're having to moderate the contributions.

We've had a run of head injuries - Zack fell down the stairs at Starbucks on Saturday, holding a full mug of hot chocolate :( poor bub. He had an egg on the back of his head after that.
Calvin was scooting in Ally Pally playground and managed to handle the skateboard drop-off thrice, but the fourth time he fell forward onto his scooter and T-bar'd his forehead, ending up with a blue grape in the middle of his forehead. Amazingly he hardly cried and still says it doesn't hurt 28 hours later. His brother just needs to tease him or bump him and he wails like something dreadful has happened, but one bump on the head has had very little effect in comparison. Kids!

dangerous objects

walking in the snow in Burnham Wood last weekend.
Yes - that's me carrying Calvin's bike

So Calvin and Zack are interested in sharp knives AND fire. The latter because the electric ignition on our gas stove has gone on the blink, so we're using matches every time we cook anything. The former because they've observed the difference cutting with their kiddie implements and my kitchen knives has made. This week I had Calvin (now 3 1/2) cutting up carrots with a large knife - under supervision of course (for all your web trolls), and Zack slicing oranges and orange peels. It freaks me out completely and I think that's the end of that exercise, but isn't it interesting how children are drawn to these things ?

Someone once said to me that childhood is a long succession of near-death experiences. I guess that's one way of looking at it.

It made me think of a collection of children's stories I discovered about 10 years ago : Struwwel Peter. The stories were written more than 150 years ago and drive home the "if you do this, then that will happen to you" - usually death or punishment. Wowzer! How did I end up on such a bleak note? There are better ways to teach children safety in the home.

reverse psychology

The new way of getting this done at Chez Guthrie is to say the opposite. If I need socks put on, then I say 'not allowed' OR 'you can't do it'. Alternately if either Zack or Calvin show an ability to do something, I then say, 'You are TOO clever. Don't do that again', which leads to much hilarity and repetition as they prove they can do it. Calvin now shouts at me, "Say 'Stop doing that' to me Mommy!" giggle giggle.
Calvin is definitely the mechanically minded child - he loves to observe and tinker with things. I turned Zack's bike upside down, so that he could let the pedals rotate freely. He held onto the chain and moved it back and forth on the teeth of the cogs. He used the brakes and pedals - all very intriguing. He is still obsessed with trains and loves to build his train set in the lounge.
Both he and Zack were delighted with the Scalectrix set they got for Christmas but as it wasn't the most high quality set, the connections have got a bit tired from over-use. tut tut.
Current DVD obsessions are : Ice Age, Dawn of the Dinosaurs; Cars 2 (another Xmas pressie)

Zack can ride a bike!

Today Zack rode his bike at Kenwood House for the first time without training wheels. A momentous occasion