Weary but still moving forward

So the past few weeks have been decidedly up and down. Going back to school on the 1st of June, and kicking that off with the Clinical Psych's assessement seemed to usher in a phase of miserable in the school environs. It's funny how you don't realise how good things have been until things are really, really shit again, and you feel like, "what the hell is going on? are we back at square one?".

There's always something, and at the moment it's one little boy in Zack's class. It's hard to unravel what happens but I'd say that Zack winds him up, but also more importantly, that there is stuff going on in this little chap's life and he doesn't have anywhere to "put" it. His mum and dad split up a few years ago, and daddy has a new girlfriend. His younger brother is a stellar little football player and has recently had trials at one of the big London clubs. You can understand that just one of these things would unsettle a boy of 8 or 9, but together they're pretty insurmountable. And you know what that means - find a target and put the negative crap in your life, there. So Zack has been the receptacle week-after-week of this boy's shit. He goads him, he blames him, he uses him as an emotional dump.
Have I spoken to the parents ? No. Why ? I am so, so, so dog-tired of explaining this to people who really don't care.
Everyone just wants good little kiddies who are no trouble at all.

Everyone.

On a more positive note, Zack has had a significant amount of "reading support" of school, and it has made a massive difference. We have a son who is keen to read on his own - and I am amazed! Initially it was just reading the children's Storybook Bible - lots of pictures and not much text. But this past week he's delved into the Beast Quest series. They're books that he's had lying around for years but just couldn't read. All of a sudden he's demolishing them. This weekend he read all 8 chapters of one book, and I've been instructed to got the children's bookshop and get the next one. Yessir !!
Interestingly I see he reads the words aloud to himself - not silently in his head. But I thought he was reading the storybook Bible silently... I'll keep a look out and see how it rolls. I'm just so impressed at the progress. Of course, we're making a big fuss of this new skill.

Calvin is reading happily too, however it's competitive and not so much for pleasure. He's ploughing through Roald Dahl's George's Marvellous Medicine. And is terribly keen to harvest the points he know he'll get for each page he reads.

Points you ask ? yes, we have a point system for the boys. It's directly correlated with pocket money. We give points as a motivator for alot of things eg. good behaviour, considerate behaviour, kindness, bringing plates to the kitchen after a meal, reading, correcting behaviour (eg. teaching Calvin that skid-marks in your underpants aren't necessary), listening well, etc. Initially we'd started out with a add and subtract system, but the therapist felt that Zack needed to have ONLY successes on that board, so we don't subtract points any more. Children know that "consequences" are really just another word for punishment because they aren't empowered. So we continue on the points system.

On the schooling front, we had a surprising breakthrough last week Wednesday - I had a call from St Christopher's to say that they'd like to meet Zack and set up an assessment date in the new term. I was blown away and soooo relieved. That's persistence for you - I've written to them faithfully whenever we've had information to add, and tried to keep them up to date with what we know, and when they can hope to see more.

Zack and I paid Limespring a visit last week too - for a walk around, and a chance to see the facilities himself. Denise (the head teacher) was excellent - she addressed him directly and made him feel important and at ease. We've put them down as our Plan A for the start of Year 5 - that Zack will either attend Limespring in addition to St James, or go to Limespring full time. A big concern is socialization, but that's a hoop we'll jump through once we've got all the pieces in place. We're also anxious about transitioning. How will Zack cope with changing from one school to another, and potentially a third, if he is offered a place at St Chris? How do we make it as smooth as possible, while supporting his learning needs ? It's complex.

Today he came home from school with a piece of paper with everyone's names on it, and someone (apparently the other Zach in his class) had written 'goodbye Zack' at the top of the page. It's a tough one because we HAVEN'T said he's leaving the school.

It's been a very rough hard bedtime. He has been MASSIVELY O.D.D. (Oppositional Defiance disorder), shouting at Keith, "Dad is an idiot!"
And, "Shut up" at me. He's just upped the ante more and more. Screaming at us, "you don't care!" "you are such meanies!" "Don't you ignore me!", and 'saintly us', we come back time and again saying, "your behaviour is not okay."
And "we don't have to give you attention if you treat us like this."
hell, it's just another episode.
Now he's screaming, "I know what your'e feeling Mom. And you should feel like that!"
Uh huh.
It's so tiring. I hate it. There are days when I could just wring his neck !

two weeks down : school hols

Whew! well, we've got through 2 weeks of school holidays. And they were the easy ones : I'd got myself organised and booked both boys into Enjoy-a-Ball for week 1, then Zack into the London Football Academy's holiday camp for week 2. Next week (3) we'll be going it alone, but I have quite a bit to do eg. go to the flat and get a few things done, have a playdate with friends, sort out an admin thing or two, banking for the flat, invoicing for myself, etc.
Mum arrives next Friday - Praise the Lord! Keith and I can get more sleep in the mornings. and we can do some fun things together, outings for kids, sightseeing, and more.
Week 4 we have a little holiday planned.

Food & Growth
I always say this but it's more true at the moment than usual : I cannot keep up with the food consumption. Both boys are eating an enormous amount of fruit and bread - if I buy a punnet of nectarines, they'll be demolished in one sitting. I only buy fruit in 8's, 10's and 12's now. There's no point in buying any less - I'll only have to go back tomorrow.
Calvin is shooting up and gaining a more solid frame.
Zack continues to struggle with his weight - he's just a big boy, chunky and has a great appetite (too great sometimes) - that's why the sport is so important. We keep having to monitor the access to crisps and sweet treats like cake. So many parents have them lying around and won't say "no", when asked sweetly. Zack can ask very sweetly when he wants to.

Progress
We've been making some progress with Zack as we tackle the emotional freak-outs. Bless him - it's so hard for him to reign it in, but he's taking steps in the right direction. I was talking to a lovely friend yesterday who has 3 boys and I mentioned that Wednesday was the breaking point, when I completely lost it with Zack in the morning, and she concurred. How refreshing.
We've got star charts running for both boys at the moment : Zack for reading, behaviour and keeping the hamster's cage clean; Calvin for wiping his own bottom on the loo. He needs incentivisation as he starts Reception in a month's time and he STILL calls Keith and I to do the job. [rolls eyes] Kids are so clever - he can do it at nursery, but he cannot do it at home.

 Alan Wills sits with the boys after his Olympic Archery event. We'd bumped into his Mum & Dad at Lord's, and were delighted to see them all in the park afterwards - so we posed for a photo together

Olympic Games
Last Friday night was the Opening Ceremony which both boys stayed up to watch. Calvin hardly lasted 10 minutes into the show, as it started at 9pm, but Zack kept going for almost an hour - enough time to see Mr Bean play under Simon Rattle's baton. It left the biggest impression as we had long discussions the following day about Mr Bean being 'alive', and not Johnny English or Rowan Atkinson. Too cute!
We went to see Archery on Saturday morning at dawn - we had to be there by 7:45am so it was an early start. Archery is not the most interesting spectator sport, but the boys were thrilled to just be there and were well behaved for most of it.
We have tickets to the Basketball IN the Olympic Park tomorrow morning, so it'll be an even earlier start for us. Oh dear - and today I was up at 6:15am with Calvin. I am going to be one tired mommy

trivia ? for some

Zack is coming on in leaps and bounds with his reading. His teacher is delighted and I think he's feeling really empowered by the whole exercise. It is a wonderful thing to observe.
He struggles with "d" and "b" - transposing them - but I'm sure it'll come with time. The Ruth Miskin literacy programme is working wonders with him, so 'Hurrah for St James!' in promoting it.
Mrs. Piesold, Zack's class teacher, is an incredibly positive and energetic person. She has decided that daily rewards of one star, are not cutting it. She has up'ped it to a maximum of 5 stars a day for good behaviour. Zack is coming home with 4 stars as a rule, which is excellent. Last week we had a friend over to play - Danny. These two don't get on at school, and Zack's first comment when I collect him is often, "Danny only got 2 stars today!" So, there is a lot of competitiveness between them. The play date was a good exercise, but Zack was in tears for the last half hour as Danny didn't want to do what he wanted him to.
In light of that though, Zack had an excellent day last week when he got 5 stars AND won the trophy for Enjoy-a-Ball. As a reward he and I went out for pizza (alone) in Hornsey and he got to choose exactly what he wanted, and to take the bus there and back. It was such a special evening. He must have glowed for about four days afterward. Bless his little socks.
Calvin is putting sentences together. Last Friday (so a week ago), he said very firmly, "We want yoghurt," to which we all laughed. And then on Saturday when he was misbehaving I said to him, "Who wants a shaya (smack, in Zulu) ?", to which he replied, "me!". Keith, Zack and I fell about laughing. He is trying more and more to make himself understood.
He is loving being in the bigger bed, which he calls the "new bed". He shows it to everyone, and will often be the first words off his tongue in the morning...
"Daddy. New bed", he says, pointing.
He is also getting on with the potty training. Tonight was the second time he's made a poo in the potty at bathtime. We all go crazy and praise him, and applaud, so he's getting the message loud and clear.
Nursery is going better and better. He pretends it's really hard to say goodbye, but within in seconds he's stopped crying and having fun with his mates.
It's end of year madness too - so many activities for school. Tomorrow is Cakes for Clothes day, so we were baking most of this afternoon. Tomorrow afternoon is the Christmas Fayre at School. Next week is the Nativity Play, when Zack will be one of the 3 wise men. Part of me wants to point out that there weren't 3, and that the 3 refers to the gifts. Part of me also wants to point out that he's not a "king" (as the school newsletter put it), but a "wise man from the East". Considering it's a Christian School I think it's important to get the facts straight, but hey ho - as Andy always says, "choose your battles Ruth!" I've chosen purple with a gold crown and Zack loves it.

PT - some success

Zack is very proud of himself (or it may just be the motivation of getting a lolly), but he has managed to get his wee in the potty a few times this week, and even a poo yesterday. I am very relieved that things are moving ahead in this sphere. I feel like we've been on the potty training (PT) treadmill for a year and a half with very little success.
This week alone, I've had to wipe up a very large puddle of urine in Marks & Spencer, and under the Tombola table at yesterday's Fair. Have I espoused the virtues of muslin clothes before ? I'm sure I have. They have MANY uses.
I'm looking forward to a week of more flushing, and less holding legs in the air to wipe bums