"It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell." - Buddha
the journey continues...
So we had our meeting with the head teacher, Senco, class teacher on Tuesday. Bits of it were positive. Too much of felt like what we were saying fell on deaf ears. We spoke about the spitting incident - raised, courageously, by the therapist - it feel on dumb, deaf, heartless, soulless ears. It's not helpful, it's not kind, it's not making me feel like they are 'on side'.
Honestly... it appeared that the school were defensive. There was a lot of gushy, "Oh! yes! we do this.. and we do that... and we're ALWAYS trying to build him up, be encouraging."
We questioned them on the dreaded "B" word.
Response : (deadpan) "No, there is no bullying in his class."
What am I supposed to infer from that ?
**f--kers**
My gut instinct is that these people are not to be trusted, but that at the moment, we have no choice. This is the institution that our son is enrolled in. In fact we have more than one child there, so there ARE consequences.
Good advice would say "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer." but right now, I don't see any way of being a brown-noser to the headteacher and school secretary. The latter is an absolute f--king bitch, with a massive log in her cornea, the former is too powerful to tangle with. The ripples will affect the future of the innocents. It's a no-go-zone.
I do feel f--ked by the system. I did hate school. I was always delighted to be away from it all - part of me is a snob. Lowest common denominator: having to be mates with every single spiteful little bitch that's in your class, in your year, is soul-destroying. No-one listened and no-one cared.
I don't want the same for my sons.
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 02, 2014
Thursday, June 19, 2014
taking it up a notch
it has been ANOTHER extremely difficult week. Last week Wednesday I got an email from the Headteacher to say that Zack had hurt another child in his class, Eden. When I questioned Zack about it he was very angry - he felt I was going to tell him off too, but I just wanted to understand what happened. He was probably also ashamed about the incident. It transpires that he and Danny (ongoing challenging peer) were playing "what's the time Mr Wolf" and he turned around too quickly, tripped and fell forward into Eden. They were in a line of children and so Zack fell into Eden's stomach. It wasn't intentional. However, this somehow happened again...
At this point you despair as a mother.
But Zack says it wasn't deliberate - it seems they were being silly boys, and Eden was still in front of him in the queue when he swung his arms out the second time.
And then on Thursday afternoon we were robbed - burgled in the middle of the day between 12:30 and 14:30. they took laptops, iPad, other bits and pieces but the big loss is the jewellery. I'm an idiot for keeping it all together so neatly. What an easy haul! It's been traumatic.
Zack wet his bed on Sunday night. Calvin has been having nightmares. Keith and I have been rowing.
On Monday Zack didn't want to participate in chess - he wanted to just watch and not take part. His coach was quite relaxed about it when he told me, and was sympathetic when I explained that we'd had a burglary and that it had affected Zack.
Last Friday, I'd taken Zack to the doctor to have a discussion about his hayfever which is awful at the moment. He can't breath in the mornings and evenings so we are now on a syrup, ventilator, eye drops and a nasal spray - the WHOLE caboodle. It seems to have had an impact ! Thank God for one sympathetic doctor.
However, when he took the medication into school on Monday, there was a unnecessary, very negative reaction from the school: I popped in to speak to each class teacher, to explain about the children being unsettled from the burglary. Ho hum - Zack's class teacher is OFF for two days AGAIN, so I couldn't talk to her. I then popped into the office to ask the secretary about their email, as I've been trying to arrange a meeting with the head, Zack's class teacher, the Senco, Zack's therapist, our therapist and ourselves. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. They don't seem to feel there's any hurry. It's infuriating. Apparently their email had been down for days, so I said I'd print out my email and bring it in. With all the emotion and questions about the burglary from teachers and other parents, it completely slipped my mind to sign Zack's medication form.
The school secretary rang me up and blasted me for not filling in a form for Zack's medication. It had slipped my mind what with trying to discuss the email and see BOTH class teachers before school started. She said the medication was going to poison children in the school, that it was strictly forbidden, and.. and.. and.. Like I'd deliberately sent the medication in to harm other children in the class, instead of helping my own. I was so shocked by her call and the antagonism in her voice that I had to ring her back and explain about the burglary and plead with her for some sympathy, while saying I would come into the office promptly and sign the forms.
On Tuesday after football Zack was in a particularly morose mood - again, because a child had been sticking it to him about his size. I want to lose the fucking plot sometimes when I hear this. I see the damage children's words have done to my son, and I feel helpless in so many ways. I can't control Zack's behaviour - the silly incident earlier last week when he hurt Eden is just an example. But there seems to be a vast ocean of shit that gets dumped on him every week, which he just has to suck up. And he's ONLY 8 !! For pity's sake.
You get to a tipping point. I'm tired of playing stupid games with the school where they let me know, either by email or letter about "incidents" involving Zack. I am now going into print every time Zack experiences something negative. No more mommy with a generous spirit = always patient, always kind, always polite, always giving "them" the benefit of the doubt.
If the head teacher believes that she can build up some sort of evidence bundle of why Zack is being stuck in the Senco's special group, then I am going to provide her with the counter-statements that show that he is being driven to this place DAILY by other children in her school, by a class teacher who does not let up on having a go at him, and general passivity on the part of authority figures who have failed him again, and again, and again. He is surrounded by unfair treatment and adults who seem to always be telling him what to do and shouting at him. It's all he hears, day in and day out.
At this point you despair as a mother.
But Zack says it wasn't deliberate - it seems they were being silly boys, and Eden was still in front of him in the queue when he swung his arms out the second time.
And then on Thursday afternoon we were robbed - burgled in the middle of the day between 12:30 and 14:30. they took laptops, iPad, other bits and pieces but the big loss is the jewellery. I'm an idiot for keeping it all together so neatly. What an easy haul! It's been traumatic.
Zack wet his bed on Sunday night. Calvin has been having nightmares. Keith and I have been rowing.
On Monday Zack didn't want to participate in chess - he wanted to just watch and not take part. His coach was quite relaxed about it when he told me, and was sympathetic when I explained that we'd had a burglary and that it had affected Zack.
Last Friday, I'd taken Zack to the doctor to have a discussion about his hayfever which is awful at the moment. He can't breath in the mornings and evenings so we are now on a syrup, ventilator, eye drops and a nasal spray - the WHOLE caboodle. It seems to have had an impact ! Thank God for one sympathetic doctor.
However, when he took the medication into school on Monday, there was a unnecessary, very negative reaction from the school: I popped in to speak to each class teacher, to explain about the children being unsettled from the burglary. Ho hum - Zack's class teacher is OFF for two days AGAIN, so I couldn't talk to her. I then popped into the office to ask the secretary about their email, as I've been trying to arrange a meeting with the head, Zack's class teacher, the Senco, Zack's therapist, our therapist and ourselves. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. They don't seem to feel there's any hurry. It's infuriating. Apparently their email had been down for days, so I said I'd print out my email and bring it in. With all the emotion and questions about the burglary from teachers and other parents, it completely slipped my mind to sign Zack's medication form.
The school secretary rang me up and blasted me for not filling in a form for Zack's medication. It had slipped my mind what with trying to discuss the email and see BOTH class teachers before school started. She said the medication was going to poison children in the school, that it was strictly forbidden, and.. and.. and.. Like I'd deliberately sent the medication in to harm other children in the class, instead of helping my own. I was so shocked by her call and the antagonism in her voice that I had to ring her back and explain about the burglary and plead with her for some sympathy, while saying I would come into the office promptly and sign the forms.
On Tuesday after football Zack was in a particularly morose mood - again, because a child had been sticking it to him about his size. I want to lose the fucking plot sometimes when I hear this. I see the damage children's words have done to my son, and I feel helpless in so many ways. I can't control Zack's behaviour - the silly incident earlier last week when he hurt Eden is just an example. But there seems to be a vast ocean of shit that gets dumped on him every week, which he just has to suck up. And he's ONLY 8 !! For pity's sake.
You get to a tipping point. I'm tired of playing stupid games with the school where they let me know, either by email or letter about "incidents" involving Zack. I am now going into print every time Zack experiences something negative. No more mommy with a generous spirit = always patient, always kind, always polite, always giving "them" the benefit of the doubt.
If the head teacher believes that she can build up some sort of evidence bundle of why Zack is being stuck in the Senco's special group, then I am going to provide her with the counter-statements that show that he is being driven to this place DAILY by other children in her school, by a class teacher who does not let up on having a go at him, and general passivity on the part of authority figures who have failed him again, and again, and again. He is surrounded by unfair treatment and adults who seem to always be telling him what to do and shouting at him. It's all he hears, day in and day out.
Wednesday 18
June 2014
XXX
Headteacher
XXX
XXX
Dear XXX
Re
: name calling incident at football yesterday afternoon
We
are deeply concerned about something that happened yesterday – one
of several similar incidents for Zack. On the way home from football
Zack was tired and grumpy, and then became very self-critical,
saying, “Why don't you just hit me on the head because I'm a
chubby, fat loser”. Ruth was shocked and, as you can imagine, very
saddened for him. He often feels down about himself, but hasn't said
these words before.
She
pressed him about where he'd heard that. After a while, he said that
Jack, in year 4, had told him he is a “chubby, fat loser”.
Please
will you have a word with this boy Jack?
Unfortunately
there have been quite a few incidents where Zack has been teased
about his weight and size (he is a head taller than most boys in his
class). He is very sensitive about this and as you know his reaction
in these situations can be physical, wanting to push children away.
What really worries us is that this is becoming a repeated pattern of
behaviour, where different children tease him in a similar manner,
taunting him until he reacts physically. Zack is then punished for
reacting to their unkindness.
We
have always encouraged him to take this sort of thing to an adult,
but we think he is struggling to see evidence that adults will really
defend him or address the issue meaningfully. This is not acceptable
banter and we think something needs to be raised more broadly at the
school to address this directly.
We
will make a point of raising the issue again if there are further
incidents.
Yours
faithfully,
Tuesday, May 08, 2012
Homework show down
Zack tells me he hates homework. I have no idea why. We never do his homework. His classmates (apparently) read at home without any resistance. He is digging his heels in. I have made a star chart. From today, things are gonna change around here. If he doesn't do it - no stars or ticks or stickers. I am going to decide what the 'failure to do homework' response will be. He needs to take responsibility now that he's 6. sigh.
Thursday, December 02, 2010
trivia ? for some
Zack is coming on in leaps and bounds with his reading. His teacher is delighted and I think he's feeling really empowered by the whole exercise. It is a wonderful thing to observe.
He struggles with "d" and "b" - transposing them - but I'm sure it'll come with time. The Ruth Miskin literacy programme is working wonders with him, so 'Hurrah for St James!' in promoting it.
Mrs. Piesold, Zack's class teacher, is an incredibly positive and energetic person. She has decided that daily rewards of one star, are not cutting it. She has up'ped it to a maximum of 5 stars a day for good behaviour. Zack is coming home with 4 stars as a rule, which is excellent. Last week we had a friend over to play - Danny. These two don't get on at school, and Zack's first comment when I collect him is often, "Danny only got 2 stars today!" So, there is a lot of competitiveness between them. The play date was a good exercise, but Zack was in tears for the last half hour as Danny didn't want to do what he wanted him to.
In light of that though, Zack had an excellent day last week when he got 5 stars AND won the trophy for Enjoy-a-Ball. As a reward he and I went out for pizza (alone) in Hornsey and he got to choose exactly what he wanted, and to take the bus there and back. It was such a special evening. He must have glowed for about four days afterward. Bless his little socks.
Calvin is putting sentences together. Last Friday (so a week ago), he said very firmly, "We want yoghurt," to which we all laughed. And then on Saturday when he was misbehaving I said to him, "Who wants a shaya (smack, in Zulu) ?", to which he replied, "me!". Keith, Zack and I fell about laughing. He is trying more and more to make himself understood.
He is loving being in the bigger bed, which he calls the "new bed". He shows it to everyone, and will often be the first words off his tongue in the morning...
"Daddy. New bed", he says, pointing.
He is also getting on with the potty training. Tonight was the second time he's made a poo in the potty at bathtime. We all go crazy and praise him, and applaud, so he's getting the message loud and clear.
Nursery is going better and better. He pretends it's really hard to say goodbye, but within in seconds he's stopped crying and having fun with his mates.
It's end of year madness too - so many activities for school. Tomorrow is Cakes for Clothes day, so we were baking most of this afternoon. Tomorrow afternoon is the Christmas Fayre at School. Next week is the Nativity Play, when Zack will be one of the 3 wise men. Part of me wants to point out that there weren't 3, and that the 3 refers to the gifts. Part of me also wants to point out that he's not a "king" (as the school newsletter put it), but a "wise man from the East". Considering it's a Christian School I think it's important to get the facts straight, but hey ho - as Andy always says, "choose your battles Ruth!" I've chosen purple with a gold crown and Zack loves it.
He struggles with "d" and "b" - transposing them - but I'm sure it'll come with time. The Ruth Miskin literacy programme is working wonders with him, so 'Hurrah for St James!' in promoting it.
Mrs. Piesold, Zack's class teacher, is an incredibly positive and energetic person. She has decided that daily rewards of one star, are not cutting it. She has up'ped it to a maximum of 5 stars a day for good behaviour. Zack is coming home with 4 stars as a rule, which is excellent. Last week we had a friend over to play - Danny. These two don't get on at school, and Zack's first comment when I collect him is often, "Danny only got 2 stars today!" So, there is a lot of competitiveness between them. The play date was a good exercise, but Zack was in tears for the last half hour as Danny didn't want to do what he wanted him to.
In light of that though, Zack had an excellent day last week when he got 5 stars AND won the trophy for Enjoy-a-Ball. As a reward he and I went out for pizza (alone) in Hornsey and he got to choose exactly what he wanted, and to take the bus there and back. It was such a special evening. He must have glowed for about four days afterward. Bless his little socks.
Calvin is putting sentences together. Last Friday (so a week ago), he said very firmly, "We want yoghurt," to which we all laughed. And then on Saturday when he was misbehaving I said to him, "Who wants a shaya (smack, in Zulu) ?", to which he replied, "me!". Keith, Zack and I fell about laughing. He is trying more and more to make himself understood.
He is loving being in the bigger bed, which he calls the "new bed". He shows it to everyone, and will often be the first words off his tongue in the morning...
"Daddy. New bed", he says, pointing.
He is also getting on with the potty training. Tonight was the second time he's made a poo in the potty at bathtime. We all go crazy and praise him, and applaud, so he's getting the message loud and clear.
Nursery is going better and better. He pretends it's really hard to say goodbye, but within in seconds he's stopped crying and having fun with his mates.
It's end of year madness too - so many activities for school. Tomorrow is Cakes for Clothes day, so we were baking most of this afternoon. Tomorrow afternoon is the Christmas Fayre at School. Next week is the Nativity Play, when Zack will be one of the 3 wise men. Part of me wants to point out that there weren't 3, and that the 3 refers to the gifts. Part of me also wants to point out that he's not a "king" (as the school newsletter put it), but a "wise man from the East". Considering it's a Christian School I think it's important to get the facts straight, but hey ho - as Andy always says, "choose your battles Ruth!" I've chosen purple with a gold crown and Zack loves it.
Friday, September 24, 2010
one finger, one thumb, keep moving
What a week! Calvin started settling into nursery on Monday for 1 1/2hours, then 2 1/2 hours on Tues, 3 1/2 hours on Wed and then 6 hours on Thursday and again today. All went well until yesterday and he melted down after his lunchtime nap. I collected him punctually today and he was still pretty upset. However, the care-workers all say that he's fine through the day, and makes mention of "mummy", but is loving the sandpit, blocks, story-time. He hasn't yet eaten a meal there - at best he's a fussy eater. He came home and wolfed down 3 slices of toast and jam, fruit and juice. In time he'll get into eating there.
Zack continues to enjoy school. Today he won a prize for getting 10 points. They have a reward chart for various behavioural commendations. I'm pleased that he succeeded this week.
We had a Parent's "Curriculum" meeting on Wednesday. I felt like a child again. Altho' I was on time, I had a toddler in tow and was relegated to the back of the class as the créche didn't materialise :(
I had to keep opening and closing the door for late comers :(
Tina finally turned up and took Calvin outside to play so I could concentrate :)
I am overwhelmed by the list of dates and activities for my ONE CHILD. I commented to a friend afterwards who is a mum of 4, that with them all at school she is going to struggle to cope. She didn't think so. Whew! That's why I only have 2! There is no way I could cope and still 'be me'.
The teacher commented in passing that the class was a really wonderful group of kids, and that there were quite a few BIG personalities. And I nodded knowingly. ha ha. They are really lucky to have so many great children in one class. We shall wait and see how things pan out in the future as there are sure to be personality clashes with just 28 kids in a year, for the next 5 years.
Zack continues to enjoy school. Today he won a prize for getting 10 points. They have a reward chart for various behavioural commendations. I'm pleased that he succeeded this week.
We had a Parent's "Curriculum" meeting on Wednesday. I felt like a child again. Altho' I was on time, I had a toddler in tow and was relegated to the back of the class as the créche didn't materialise :(
I had to keep opening and closing the door for late comers :(
Tina finally turned up and took Calvin outside to play so I could concentrate :)
I am overwhelmed by the list of dates and activities for my ONE CHILD. I commented to a friend afterwards who is a mum of 4, that with them all at school she is going to struggle to cope. She didn't think so. Whew! That's why I only have 2! There is no way I could cope and still 'be me'.
The teacher commented in passing that the class was a really wonderful group of kids, and that there were quite a few BIG personalities. And I nodded knowingly. ha ha. They are really lucky to have so many great children in one class. We shall wait and see how things pan out in the future as there are sure to be personality clashes with just 28 kids in a year, for the next 5 years.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Big School
Starting School
Zack is now at "big school" at the refreshing age of 4 1/2. He was very nonchalant on day one. His teacher is Mrs Piésold. There is a teaching assistant each day - I'm still getting to know all the names. Zack's class has around 30 children and they've started school in phases : the first group [10 children who have older siblings at St James] started on 2nd of Sept, then Zack's group [another 10] and finally the last ten children this week. They now have a full compliment and I'm sure the teacher's hands are full. Weirdly there are 3 boys called Zack in his reception : Zach D, Zac W and our Zack G. Who'd have thought ?
We had our first "can I talk to you for a minute please" moment with Mrs Piésold : Zack is being too "physical" in class - patting other children on the head, hugging them, etc. That's nothing new - he's behaved like that in Enjoy-a-Ball class too. I need to just remind him gently and regularly that it isn't appropriate. It is so hard isn't it ? He is friendly and affectionate by nature, which I think is wonderful. So many people are "emotionally withholding" and do not give away their love and kindness. I have close family and friends like that. I think it's a disfunction but society doesn't discriminate. Zack is going to have to learn the when and where of it all.
School is so much about the lowest, common denominator; being invisible - having the same lunch box, the same clothes, the same toys as your mates. The other side of the coin is fitting in or acceptance. So far he's coping well - he's making friends, seems an eager participant in class, tells me he's "done nothing" at school today. ha ha. Already ?!?
School mummies
My friend Fi gave me some good advice about school mummies... the best thing to do is to find a mum whose kids are older, and have been through it all. That way you avoid the insecure, the critical, the competitive, the doff, the klingons, and the wannabees. It's a tough one isn't it ? I'm having some difficulty deciding whether to post here or not. The truth is that all of us are going to go through this - especially if we are mummies who aren't at work full time. We're faced with the prospect of interacting with other mums for some time yet.
It's struck me that it's pretty short term. It's really only the first few years that we're "at the gate". Soon enough we'll be picking them up and dropping them off from a distance - it'll be surreptitious kisses goodbye and all that. So it's just this short time that I'm connecting with other parents on a twice-daily basis. I am holding back - it's my coping mechanism : wait and see who's who in the zoo. A trio of mummies have nominated themselves as class reps and are doing the contact list thing. [whew] I'm pleased someone else has done that. I'm told there will be socials, fund-raisers, etc. It all lies ahead !
Of course, there's a natural selection process - we gravitate to the people that are "like us" or that we perceive to be "like us". In my case, by week two I'm spending time with a Capetonian who keeps the same times as us. Safe, familiar and easy to talk to.
So... do you think I'm getting through this okay ?
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
nursery to primary
Zack had his "Goodbye" Party at nursery today, altho' his last official day is only on Friday this week. There is so much excitement about going to Primary school - each child was telling me where they were going and if they had a uniform or not. Zack wore his new school shoes that we bought this morning (sorry, no photos there), and was eager to wear his uniform until it was time to go and then it was "batman mommy". Ah well, there'll be lots of time to wear a uniform and fewer occasions to be a superhero!
Charlie & Lola cups used for party tricks
"it doesn't work any more. I want a new one!"Tuesday, September 15, 2009
reconnoiter
I went and viewed the first primary school today : St James C of E Primary School. I hope to visit at least 4 before it's decision time. My impression was that it is a good school (Ofsted report is exemplary), the children all seem happy and confident, the administration is progressive, the head-teacher was open and at ease. Zack is eager to go there because he has friends attending already : Oskar, Jamie and Chloe - I don't think he realises that they're going to be a year ahead of him. It'll be nice for him to see them and have the familiarity to aid the settling process.
I hope to view the others nearby : Tetherdown Primary, Muswell Hill Primary, and our Lady of Muswell Hill Catholic Primary. I might see a few further away depending on how I feel after 4.
I hope to view the others nearby : Tetherdown Primary, Muswell Hill Primary, and our Lady of Muswell Hill Catholic Primary. I might see a few further away depending on how I feel after 4.
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