Congratulations - London & Mackay!

Huge congratulations to my cousin Christopher, Sarah and little Lucas on safe arrivals on the 29th of Dec. Chris, he looks like a real little bossie. Sarah - hope you're doing OK after the C-section honey. Take things easy if you can.

Congratulations to my mate Kim and her partner Nick on the birth of little Stanley - eagerly anticipated. Well done you two !

we love trains and cars

Zack is a typical boy - he just loves cars. He got a train set for Christmas from us, and is FINALLY learning to play by himself. It is a real help, as we've been trying to encourage it for ages.

chrissy

Calvin is making good progress and the current stage is staring intensely at his hands - "What are these things?" - he goes quite squint with the effort. He is full of smiles and giggles too, which makes for great relief from the toddler tantrums with his older brother. Only frustration in the last 24 hours has been his resistance to breast-feed. He went purple last night, crying, because mummy wanted him to take the breast and he was having none of it. It's annoying because the bottle is obviously easier to feed from, but if I don't keep up the feeding that'll be it. I am too tired to express milk every 3 hours.

For a little Festive Fun, we took Zack on the carousel at the O2 on Saturday night. Initially he wasn't sure about the motion of forward and up & down at the same time - we had just eaten dinner. But by the second or third revolution it was all smiles and waving at mummy and the camera. Of course it was, "Let's do it again!" when they got off.

Pineapple

Granny has gone home and we miss her alot. We had a lovely moment with Zack, when she'd been saying to him, "Zack you are my honey-bun, sugar-lump" and he responded with, "Granny, you are my pineapple". Aren't kids great ! ? !

Calvin is doing well, and getting heavier. His head's still quite wobbly, but he's getting some tummy time and I hope that'll remedy things. He is full of smiles and chatter, it's really cute to see his personality coming through now. He spends alot of time staring at his hands, and clasping them together.


Zack is as "spirited" and "lively" as ever. We had a helluvah weekend with him, and Keith and I were both pretty tired of his tantrums and bad behaviour by the end of it. How many times can a kid go to his room in one day ? But then yesterday (Monday) was great, and we played with his cars on the lounge carpet for most of the day - his current favourite activity - and we went for a haircut which he was very brave doing. He was most upset by the hair in his mouth, but by the end had a lolly in his hand (also with hair on it, but he didn't seem to care) and was marching determinedly out the door. He is putting prepositions into sentences now and it's made for even better conversations and role playing. When it comes to giving instructions (which Zack is very good at! LOL) it has changed things forever. We really do know where we stand now.

way away

Yeah, sorry - no news for two weeks because we've been away in Devon (Dartmoor National Park), and pushing forward on the house-purchase, and juggling balls, and being a mummy, and co-ordinating calendars, and looking for a baby-sitter, hosting visitors, planning Xmas day, etc etc.
Good news is that Christmas came early for me this year in the form of Keith's mum. While we've been away she's faithfully got up each morning at around 4am and fed Calvin so that I can sleep. Wow! I really do feel like a different person. He is thriving and smiling more and more. He can be very chatty and likes to gurgle and coo - it's all very endearing.
Zack has been a little bored being away with no other children to play with, and a limited selection of toys. That said, we made an effort to take him outside and "run him" around - the golf driving range, the trampoline, the grounds of where we were staying. You could say that he is still very spirited, and it certainly kept mummy and daddy on their toes with all the 'acting up' while we were away. Now that we're back in London, in a routine, with all the usual faces and activities, he's like a different child. Yesterday, he was the happiest I've seen him in a long while – rushing around with Kelly, hugging and kissing us all, playing games, singing songs and being the delightful Zack we know so well. Amazing!
Tomorrow is Calvin's follow-up appointment with Dr. Moncado and we'll see what she has to say about a) his weight gain b) his head control c) other concerns she may have thought of in the interim.

He's a genius I tell you !

Zack is totally a genius... take a look at this drawing and tell me he isn't years ahead of his age!

A scarecrow I am told... tho' it may be just a head, eyes and hair.
Still, I'm am way, way, way impressed with my son's drawing ability.

Ah, go 'n boil your 'ed

Whoop-dee-doo! Back at the health visitor again today. Calvin has gained all of 200g since last week - this means that he weighs nearly what Zack did when he was born (3.87kgs). The reason for the visit however, was the doctor's concern over Calvin's head control. As it turns out, they feel things haven't improved at all. That said, she also found fault with his breathing - as I've mentioned before, he has had a cold for sometime (in fact we all have), which makes his breathing quite laboured when he drinks milk. When he's relaxed, his breathing is just fine. She said that what worried her was that he may have a complication with his larynx - a condition she had seen before in slightly prem babies. And then the real gem: he has mottled skin ! She wanted to know if his skin had always been like that. I said yes, and that I had taken it for healthy fat. She did the pressure test to see if his circulation had been affected by the dread-mottled-ness. All fine!
I am completely defensive about all of this. I have a fat rant at Keith after each doctor's appointment. What makes me mad is that it is ALL negative news. Everything that gets discussed is under-this, behind-that, not developed-the next thing. There's not one mention of what's going right. If I wasn't a second time mum, I'd be a bit suicidal by now, in fact, I would've checked myself into the hospital to get this all sorted out - once and for all.
Apparently we'll get a paediatric referral if things haven't improved with his head-control, next time. Maybe that isn't a bad thing.

"Yesterday" – discussing time with Zack
Zack is growing more and more curious about time. He now often asks me "what's the time Mummy?", and when I pick him up from play-school, he'll say "it's not late ?". Our favourite though, is the use of the word "yesterday": Zack uses it for all things past tense. This could mean an hour ago, earlier today, yesterday (for real), last week, or even last month. It's really cute, but can be helluv confusing for anyone who's listening to Zack's story of what's transpired in his recent experience. It seems like yesterday was the busiest day in any human being's life, when in fact, it's just the concertina effect of time.

Breast vs. Bottle
I'm feeling a bit despondent about breast-feeding. I'm trying as hard as I can to keep Calvin on the breast, but he finds the bottle pretty easy to feed from (even tho' I'm using those 0+months teats), and loses interest in the breast after more than 20/25 mins. Sometimes it doesn't feel like he's completely drained it either. I keep thinking I should go back to breast-only, and that way my milk supply will pick up and stay up. In the current situation I feel like my milk production is slowing down as the formula-use continues (with no end in sight because of the weight-gain issues). Hmmm... what to do ?

shattered, but fatter

Hurrah! the child weighs 500g more than last week = 3.7kgs. Our efforts at extra feeding have paid off and the lady at the clinic is pleased too. I still have to go next week for the check-up regarding his neck/shoulder strength, but hey... small victories.
At what price ? Well, we are more sleep deprived than we've been in some time. I'm shedding obligations like a persian cat near a velvet jacket, in an attempt to stay sane. We're taking it in turns to sleep between 5am and 7am. Keith has an awful cough that he can't kick, which is keeping him up. We all have stuffy noses - thankfully, I seem to be getting over mine.

I don't know about you, but there are few things more yuck-O than toddler's green, slimey or crusty noses. If I get the chance I'm shoving a tissue at Zack and telling him to blow. This morning I had, had it, and got out some ear-buds and cleaned Zack's nose. He had a model nose after that for all of 30 minutes, until it started streaming. Tsk tsk... nice one Ruth.

two months and nothing to celebrate

Mums don't have a lot of good to say about "health visitors"... perhaps we're all so tired, and so emotional; and they so seldom have anything comforting or congratulatory to say, that the cumulative effect is bad karma. I'm not sure; but I can say that right now I'm feeling pretty hard done by. Today was Calvin's "six week check", altho' he is 2 months old. The negative feedback I got was:
a) he has poor head control (ie. no shoulder strength)
b) he is malnourished - only weighs 3.2kgs at 8 weeks
I'm gutted! I've felt horribly emotional about it all day. I followed the health visitor's advice and topped up his midday feed with formula. By 5:30pm he had vomited up most of his milk of the afternoon - all over himself, the car seat, zack's jacket. I think the hardest thing to stomach is the fact that I've been getting up 2 or 3 times a night to feed him, and he's "malnourished". It just all seems so pointless to me ! I'm hardly in good shape, I have very little patience, am exhausted and my reward - a starving baby ! Fanks alot.

an audience

Andy, my brother, arrived yesterday morning from Johannesburg, to spend 9 days with us. It is just fabulous having him here, and not just for me but for Zack and Keith and Calvin too - in order of enthusiasm! Andy has boundless "uncle-energy" for Zack and doesn't tire of the "do it again" demands. It's been a fun 2 days, and I'm looking very forward to a bit of "alone time" with Andy this week when m'lord is at nursery and out with Kelly at the library.

Calvin at 7 weeks yesterday - 18 October 2008

always a battle

I know there are quite a few parents who read this blog, and perhaps one of you can shed a little light on this issue : Why is it always a battle to get a toddler to do something ? They have no concept of time and punctuality. They will not get dressed. They will not get undressed. They will not put their shoes on. They will not go to bed. They will not get into the bath. They will not get out of the bath either. They choose the MOST horrendous moments for picking a fight - like when you are on the phone, and preferably long-distance. Or they throw a tantrum when your husband is on the phone to his boss.
And yet, they can be absolutely charming. Delightful. Innocence itself.
Who is this little Janus-faced monster-angel that inhabits our home ?

In the news : I see I'm not alone.. this poor mum in Munich, Germany, obviously got enough flack from her toddler to make a point. http://www.thelocal.de/14951/20081016/

sh*t city

On Sunday we took mum to a lovely lunch buffet at the Four Seasons Canary Wharf. We were enjoying our meal and taking it in turns to visit the buffet - child supervision in these environments is essential. I stood up to go and help myself to some lunch when I glanced down at Zack's bright blue shirt which had an enormous yellow semi-circle at the bottom. Oh boy ! that can only mean one thing... a HUGE poo ! Problem was that I didn't have any clean clothes for him, and when Keith looked in the baby bag, he couldn't find any wipes either. Sheesh! Zack certainly knows how to choose his moments. He has never missed an embarassing opportunity to poo. I dashed home for clean clothes, and Keith found some wipes on his second look in the baby bag.
We'd recently moved onto Pamper's Pull Up nappies which fit more snuggly than the Baby Dry brand - that could account for some of the mess. It was pretty awful, but thankfully no poo fell on the floor - I would have died if that'd happened. Keith and Zack ended up in the men's loo, where I dropped off the clean clothes. Suffice it to say, they returned clean and shiny and the rest of the afternoon passed without event. What a day!

the ordeal, part 2

Keith was ushered into an adjoining room once I was 'under', and within 10 minutes was aware that Calvin had been born. Obviously I have no memory of what happened, but he tells me that they had to get Calvin breathing and had him under the lights for a while, but he was soon passed to Keith. I'd lost about 3,5 litres of blood (freaks me out, just thinking about it!), so they had to transfuse about 4 units as well as giving me some platelets. Apparently I came out of theatre after 10pm, so it was more than 2 hours. I'm very grateful to the surgeon - she DID do a good job and I have a thin, red line below my current belly (overhang). There weren't really any stitches to see, they were the disolving type. I was pretty exhausted for most of Sunday and don't remember much.
On Monday morning, an old friend of mine, Pohgek, popped in to visit (she'd expected to find me in the antenatal ward, so was a bit surprised to find I'd had the baby) and I was horribly emotional when she walked in - bursting into tears and sobbing. But once I'd had my little moment, I felt much better and it was great to have company.
By Monday afternoon tho' I was feeling much, much better and on Monday night at 11pm they rolled me out of ICU/ HDU and to the post natal ward. I was pretty stoopid tho' and didn't take any pain-killers, so that when I woke up at around 2 or 3 am, I was in A-G-O-N-Y, and had a tiny baby to feed. Thankfully the midwife popped in, took a bottle of formula and fed Calvin while I sat in the bathroom sobbing from pain. Yeah ! the joys.
Tuesday I felt a bit better...
Wednesday I was ready to go home.

visual record : 4 to 5 weeks old

I've realised that there isn't nearly as much time to take photos of your second child as there were with the first. I'm trying to be good and force myself to do so, whenever the opportunity presents itself. Already I feel guilty as we have no videos of young Calvin in his early days - something I must remedy. These were all taken in the last week or so...

a family outing

On Sunday we headed out to the Natural History Museum with Zack, to see the Dinosaur exhibition. Yes, we've been before but that was during school holidays and it was insane. A rainy Sunday is a huge improvement, and he and Keith thoroughly enjoyed the experience. Afterwards we met up with Caryl, Claire, Pete & Liz (some of the Cape Town family) for tea on the Brompton Road. It was a fun afternoon and quite manageable.

indian summer

We've joined the National Trust, and on two consecutive days took ourselves off to "local" properties to enjoy all they have to offer. These photos were taken on day 2, down in Esher (near Jackie and Claudio) where they have a lovely lake, children's playground and woodlands. The kids had a ball running around like maniacs, climbing trees, marching (Zack's current favourite), kicking a ball and messing around on the playground equipment.

Claudio, Zack and Alessio wrap up our
afternoon at the children's playground

weigh in

Good news : Calvin was weighed by the midwife yesterday afternoon and he has managed to pick up 350g!! Hooray. We were discharged from the midwife care for Mile End / Barkantine. This means that we only have to go to the fortnightly baby clinic to be weighed.

Congratulations : Johannesburg

Well done Kate ! and welcome little Faith Hannah, a sister to Bethany, and second daughter to Bruce & Kate. We are so pleased you managed to make it to term – Congratulations!

weight wait

They weighed Calvin again today, and he hasn't gained any weight in the last week - still only 2.4kgs. A breast-feeding specialist is going to visit tomorrow to see how I'm doing and offer some advice. It seems like the general opinion is to keep feeding, see if he'll take the other breast too, top up with EBM (expressed breast-milk) where necessary. That's fine with me. At this point though, I AM NOT getting my knickers in a knot about whether there's enough milk, etc. If push comes to shove, I will supplement with formula. I don't mind at all.
Something we didn't discuss which may have a bearing on all this, is that Calvin was circumcised last Thursday, and he's had a very snuffly nose / cold, which may have affected his ability and desire to feed. In all other respects he is doing well - sleeping well, feeding well, lovely and alert when he is awake during the late afternoon and early evening, keeping us on the hop with nappy-changing.
I'll say this though, it's quite a reality check when you change a little (breast-fed) baby poo, and then have to do Zack's full blown stinkers within 10 minutes of one another. I can't wait for the elder to be potty trained (sigh). Roll on that day !

Congratulations : Stanmore

Heartfelt congratulations to Omar & Naz on the birth of a beautiful baby boy - Yahya on Monday afternoon. I'm so sorry to hear it was so traumatic, but pleased that you're both safe and hope the jaundice will clear in the next day or two. Well done Naz ! Keep smiling Omar !

Congratulations : Pretoria

My wonderful friend Yolande gave birth to their third child this week - Michiel Petrus Felix. According to daddy, things went along very smoothly. Congratulations friends !

the ordeal

Sometimes it's important to tell your story. I've found that listening to other women's experiences of birth has been both cathartic and restorative. The aim of this account is probably the former (at this point in time), with hopefully the latter's benefits.
At the outset, I'd also advise people who haven't given birth, not to read the account. I'm almost certain that what I've been through is NOT the run-of-the-mill birth experience, and I don't want to freak you out – God knows how hard I found it the first time 'round with Zack and people were warning me of 5 days of labour and all the associated horrors. You don't need to know until you've been through your own experience. Then it's just good for comparisons!

How it all started :
I've been writing about this low lying placenta issue for some time now, so you probably have an idea of what's entailed. So I'd been comforting myself with the thought that I hadn't had any bleeding and this was a GOOD sign. As it turned out, on Wednesday morning, I got out of bed, went to the loo, and discovered that I'd started bleeding. Keith drove me through to the hospital - The Royal London, (yes, the one I was afraid of going to) - and we were admitted to the labour ward. We were seen by an obstetrician who advised me to stay on for 24 hours of observation as she said small bleeds like this one, were often followed by more severe bleeding. As things turned out, she was right. This first bleed - the "herald bleed" - was the beginning of my placenta and uterus parting company. I spent the rest of Wednesday flat on my back in the ante-natal ward bed with an IV in my arm, just in case. Our first night was blissfully quiet, and I slept better than I had in weeks.

Thursday, more bleeding :
On Thursday morning, feeling decidedly grubby and desperately in need of some shampoo, I psyched myself up for a shower. I got myself into the communal bathroom, put out all the toiletries and clean clothes, and then there was a huge gush of blood. The scary thing was that I couldn't stop it, just like when your waters break, it just came rushing out, and there was no accompanying pain. After cleaning myself up, I went in search of a midwife and politely said that I'd had a 'big bleed'. Looking back, this is laughable - how terribly polite and British of me ! I should've run out into the hallway, starkers, screaming "I'm bleeding, I'm bleeding" (sob, sob). I always go dead calm in a crisis... not always the best reaction.
After that it was more observation back in the labour ward, and listening to baby's heartbeat on the CTG. I certainly got my fill of CTG's on this hospital stay – regular as clockwork ! Baby continued on his steady path, so no concerns there, and my uterus wasn't showing any regular contractions so we weren't in early labour. This meant I was back to the ante-natal ward for observation.
Thursday night was crazy – there were 18 women labouring through the night, and a woman opposite me who had the lowest pain threshold (screaming for Allah, dilated 1cm and wouldn't take any pain relief) which wasn't helped by her mother and mother-in-law being at the bedside, or the fact that she would not go for a walk to help things along. Sheesh!

Friday and all's well :
Friday morning I befriended a fellow patient, a New Yorker, who'd been admitted at about 3am. She was just hilarious, and kept us amused recounting tales of the previous night and her own pregnancy experiences - it did alot to buoy my spirits. Friday passed quietly, and Keith and Zack visited in the evening (Zack with a huge shiner from falling off his scooter). One of the midwives took the time to come and talk to me about placenta praevia, and warned me against any thoughts of going home. I had been longing to get a "day pass" on Sunday so that we could go to Alessio's Christening in Surbiton - Keith and I are God-parents. But it wasn't to be.
As she explained, the situation I was in, was very high risk: I could begin to hemorrhage at any moment. I could not afford to be away from a delivery suite or operating theatre, that's how serious it was. They had already matched 4 units of blood for me, should the need arise. She really put the wind up me with this frank discussion and I decided that it was best to let the medical profession take over. Earlier in the day, the consultant had booked me in for a Caesarean Section for the following Thursday, as baby would've been 38 weeks then.

Saturday :
Saturday was also quiet, with friends popping in for a visit in the afternoon. This was the first time I'd actually sat up (in a chair) in 3 days, and I sat for more than 2 hours chatting to them. They left in the late afternoon, and at about 6:30pm the NY mate was packing up and about to be discharged - I stood up to say goodbye. Suddenly it was all systems go - my body started pouring blood onto the floor. I called for a midwife, carefully took off my slippers and gown, grabbed my cellphone, and was ordered into a wheelchair. As they pushed me through to the labour ward, I rang Keith, who'd only recently gone home to give Zack dinner, and said that I was gushing blood and was almost certainly going into theatre.
He dropped Zack off with Greg & Charlie, and rushed over.

The big event:
Again, things happen in slow motion in your memory, and I remember having to get onto a bed in the labour ward, and there just being blood, blood, blood. I couldn't stop it, and it didn't hurt at all. I was calm. People were running and shouting, and I was following instructions. I was pushed through into theatre, and lifted onto a narrow gurney (maybe it was the operating table). People were monitoring the baby's heartbeat, and my arms were out on supports. Keith turned up at this point, and I was so relieved to see him. The anesthetist was trying to find another vein in my arm, but was so stressed out. He tried twice in my left wrist and failed, and then twice in the right wrist. Thankfully that fourth attempt succeeded, but by then I was ready to shout at him to calm down. I was dead calm thinking "I wonder what it feels like to bleed out", "I wonder what'll happen if I die now?", "What about Keith?", "What about Zack?". Keith was looking quite pale and went to sit down in a corner. I could feel the blood just pouring out, more and more. Midwives were wiping it up. I asked who'd be doing the cutting and the stitching and a woman came forward – I explained to her that I keloid really badly and would appreciate it if she could sew me back up nicely. She said that I wasn't to worry, that she'd take special care in doing so. That's what I needed to hear - someone who was calm and unmoved by the panic going on around me.
The anesthetist asked me to roll onto my side and and curl up as much as I could, so that he could try and do the spinal block (local anesthetic for C-Section). This is pretty hard when you're so far gone (37 weeks pregnant), and I found that the more I tried to curl up on the narrow table, the worse the bleeding got - I could literally feel it squelching out with every movement I made. Keith said it was pouring onto the floor, so I guess it had got beyond bad. They decided the hemorrhaging was severe and the only path was a general anesthetic. And so it was that I put the oxygen mask on, said goodbye to Keith, and started counting while I felt them swab my abdomen with iodine and then the coolness of it being poured over me. And then I slept, a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

(more to come)

Congratulations : Singapore

Welcome to little James Ryan de Oude, born yesterday evening, to Walt & Cindy. Well done Cindy, we're so pleased the wait is over !

Calvin Richard Guthrie arrives

My placenta and uterus parted company on Saturday evening and I was rushed into theatre for an emergency C-section. Stats : weight 2.5kgs (6lbs); born at 19h31. It was pretty traumatic, and I'll put a more comprehensive report on the blog in the coming days, but for now, enjoy the pics and the good news that our baby boy is safely here, and his mum is making steady progress. Whew ! What an ordeal.

Congratulations : Enfield

Timothy holds his baby sister

Richard & Jenny had a safe and relatively quick delivery with their second - a bouncing baby girl, Hannah Megan. Well done Jenny !!

Congratulations : Sydney

Awesome news : my dear friends Geraldine & Andrew in Sydney, Australia, had their baby girl yesterday afternoon. Andrew delivered her in the car park of the hospital because she was in such a hurry to get here. Geraldine and baby are both fine and resting up. Good job, the Dad, we are well impressed!

standing still

Keith and Zack cavort on Tina's lawn in the sunshine

It's a long weekend here in the UK, and I decided that I'd had enough of the waiting game... and took myself off to the Birthing Centre today at noon to talk to the midwife about the scan results. They were in the middle of two complicated deliveries so asked me to return at 6pm.
Once there, the midwife was happy to listen to my concerns, looked over the notes and scan results, and said that what was written was inconclusive and unclear. Not only that, but the scan printouts that were included do not indicate clearly where the placenta ends and the cervix begins - there are no measurements, there are just two labels - "Placenta" and "Cervix/Os". What's the point of that ? If we don't know that the placenta is 1cm, 2cm, 3cm from the cervix, we don't know anything. It's all just annoyingly vague.
So now we're back to square one : I don't know if I'm at risk. I don't know if I'm in line for a c-section. I don't know if I'm allowed to still have the baby at the Barkantine Birthing Centre if everything is OK. One things for certain though, the midwife said if I go into labour in the next week, I should go straight to the hospital rather than going to the Birthing Centre. How gloomy !
My plan of action is to try and get an appointment with a consultant at the Royal London and/or St Guy's & St Thomas' (near London Bridge) in the next few days, so that we can get the wheels turning. Both Keith and I feel that waiting around for the sonographer to blow the whistle on placenta praevia (on Friday 29th Aug), only brings us a week closer to the inevitable and consequently fewer options.
Wish me luck !

A good week

Zack is much better after a week of Amoxycilin, and has been quite delightful these past few days. Keith's managed to come home earlier than usual, which has also been a big help.

We had our 36 week scan yesterday morning and there was good news : baby's head has engaged, and we are facing the right way for "the exit". The sonographer managed to get this rather sweet 'shadow' view of the baby's face, and what is his hand (looks like an odd jewel resting against his chin). We also had confirmation that he is still a boy - in case anyone thought there was a mistake on the first take.
Only problem now - and it's something I have NO control over - is that the placenta continues to be low lying (placenta praevia). This means that the placenta is actually covering the opening of the cervix, so there would be severe bleeding if I went into natural labour. They've decided I can have another week to see if it changes, but after that I will have to have a c-section.

I have mixed feelings about it all. On the one hand, I'm relaxed because the medical profession have experience in these things, and know what to do for both mum & baby's safety. I am fearful of c-section recovery times though, as I've only heard bad news - most people take months if not a year to recover fully from it. How am I going to cope with a 19 kg toddler, a pram that needs to be lifted in and out of the car, etc etc? I just can't. Hmmm...

I'm also a bit sad to not have the use of the new birthing centre. It would be great to have the baby there. What a pity ! And the alternative - having the baby at the Royal London, is not exactly a fair trade... the place is a HOLE. I feel more and more negative about going there with every article I read, and every conversation I have. All I hear is about how TERRIBLE the after-birth care is. And this is at a time when I'm going to need it most. What can I do ?

It never rains...

What a week ! With Keith away in the States and Kelly (our regular baby-sitter) on holiday it was one crazy, full on, 24hours a day week. Zack came down with a temperature on Wednesday evening - wouldn't eat and was burning up - we were up every 45 minutes thru the night. He seemed better on Thursday and then the temperature came and went over the weekend. Keith got back on Saturday morning, and Saturday night I managed to get a few extra hours of solid sleep. By Monday morning Zack wasn't any better, so we headed down to the doctor's for a look-see. As it turns out he has an ear-infection. I had expected to hear viral-'something', but hadn't guessed it was his ears. He isn't on antibiotics yet, just paracetamol 6-hourly, so we're hoping he'll fight it off himself. He did a lot of sweating last night, so his immune system is fighting hard - this all a good thing. He still isn't eating much tho', which makes any parent worry.
Kelly came back from her holiday with the news that she's going to be a full-time nanny for a family and can't baby-sit for us anymore. She's been baby-sitting Zack for more than a year - before he could walk. I'm sad for Zack as he could do with some continuity when his baby brother comes along, and he asked me yesterday when we'd be seeing Kelly next ? It drives home the relational bond that's developed between the two of them. But I can't expect Kelly to stay on forever - she needs to make decisions about her life, and move forward with her career. I know she's had to give this a lot of thought. Yes, the timing isn't the best (then I ask myself: when is it?), but my mum will be here in September to give Zack extra attention, so that'll be a good thing. It will give us a window to find a new baby-sitter and possibly a nanny too (hopefully one and the same if I can organise it). That'll really help me with the workload and my ability to cope from week-to-week.

Ggrrrrr.....

Bloody NHS !
I saw the midwife a week ago, and she seemed concerned that the baby was 'breech' at this point in time. I'm not overly concerned because in my mind there still seems to be oodles of time for it to turn (and I have placenta previa - tho' mildly so). To the point tho' : she wanted me to go for an urgent scan to make sure all is well. Fine ! I have the scan request in my hands - a copy of which was sent to the ultrasound dept. It has now been a week and I've heard nothing. I actually have a scan booked for 2 weeks time (standard procedure - 36 weeks), so again, I'm not freaking out. What makes me mad tho' is the whole attitude of the medical profession here : it's not my problem ! I rang up the midwives today and explained it all, and asked if I should chase it. 'Yes,' says she, 'here's the phone number.' Basically - she can't be bothered, and unless I'm in labour, the baby is in distress or I'm bleeding to death, that's it. So why all the concern in the first place ? Why bother if no-one else is going to bother ? It all reeks of box-ticking to me (ie. if anything goes wrong, they can say they did what they could, and the hospital failed to follow-up).
My options at this point:
1. push for this scan as soon as
2. call the midwife and make her do the phoning (and her job)
3. leave it and go for my 36 week scan

I'm struck that in this day and age, most obstetricians have no experience in dealing with breech births because the "easy option" of a c-section is always there. Why try and do it the hard way, when you can just slice ? Their answer is the hippocratic oath - risk to mother and child. They don't need the experience, because statistics have told them that c-sections are safer. The only problem there is that, out of fear, I might get booked in for a c-section, and then the baby turns in time for natural delivery (and shorter recovery period by the way). On this point tho', I'm hoping the baby will turn before we get to D-day with c-sections.
I could try and give it a bit of help too.... tho' some of this stuff sounds laughable. Clothes peg anyone ?

There's so much info, and support on the 'net which backs up my gut-feel to let things go until 38 weeks, I don't see the point of freaking out and trying to intervene too soon. I guess that means : Watch this Space!

ps. my neighbour returned home within 24 hours and is doing fine. There doesn't seem to be any complications with her pregnancy. Thank the Lord !

Wow! News :
I'm letting all these frustrations eclipse an extremely important moment in the mother-child bond. Zack said, "I love you mommy" for the very first time today. Un-initiated and accompanied by a hug.

Spare a thought

Last night around 10pm my neighbour rang our buzzer to say that she needed to go to the hospital. She's a GP and 25 weeks pregnant (her first). Her husband, also a doctor, is currently abroad, so she's alone. She had been having bad abdominal cramps for 2 - 3 hours, and felt she couldn't ignore them anymore. My heart went out to her. We waited for the ambulance but it didn't show up – and in the end I called a cab, and he was here in 4 minutes. Her mum-in-law had arrived from Wimbledon to be with her, so they left together.
Keith is currently in the USA, for the remainder of this week, and altho' we had discussed an emergency plan (just in case), it really brought it home to me last night. What would I need to do ?

Please say a prayer for my neighbour – I hope she's OK as I've no word yet.

photo for posterity

/
I was very 'on the ball' with Zack and felt I really aught to make an effort and take some "belly shots" with this pregnancy too. The time just flies, and before you know it, you haven't done anything and you're having a baby and your belly is gone! So here it is : the 33 week photo.

Congratulations : Boston

//

Little Sadie Elaine Janks finally made an appearance on Thurs afternoon, much to Greg & Sonia's relief. Isn't she just beautiful ! ? !

surrogate substitute take II

To answer Harley's questions : at the moment the doll has no name. We've just referred to him as 'baby brother' (I suppose the blue clothing and plastic anatomy is a give-away). I'm guessing that when his real baby brother makes an appearance, he'll supercede this doll. Altho' we have no intention of throwing it away, or hiding it. We'll see how Zack copes and what he decides to do with it. At the moment he is quite obsessed with 'ownership', telling me "Mummy, that's not yours" (referring to anything in particular). So he might decide that the doll belongs to him, and I'll be informed that the doll baby brother is "not yours mommy!". I don't mind.
It's really a teaching and transition tool - so we're using it to show him how to hold baby properly, that we can't lie on top of it. Zack shares things with it without being asked - I caught him feeding it grapes a few days ago. It sits on the bed while he's bathing. He sleeps in the same room as Zack, in his own bed - not in Zack's bed. So I think he's getting the message.
The doll's robust enough to go in the bath, and can be fed liquids and solids (with nappy to boot), but I don't intend to go that route. It'll be enough that it goes in the water. We can pretend the rest - an opportunity for imagination time.

Congratulations : London & Mackay

Congratulations to Phong & Derek who had a baby boy, Daniel, last night.
And also to my cousin Christopher & his wife Sarah in Queensland, Aus, who had their scan and are expecting a baby boy early next year. Such wonderful news.

surrogate substitute

//
following a good friend's example we have bought a doll to introduce the concept of the "baby brother" to Zack. So far - so good.

a light aside

I hope no-one takes this cartoon overly seriously, I found it amusing in the context of parenting.

single digits

And so the time slips away... it's only 9 weeks and 4 days to go now. We had a routine midwife check-up on Saturday morning. Nothing to report. Blood tests came back fine - iron slightly low, but that's to be expected. I'm full of the moans and groans of the heavily pregnant: swollen ankles, hip ache, heartburn, reflux, exhaustion, lack of sleep, blah blah blah. Thankfully these things are only for a time, and then it'll all be over.
We're making some headway on names. The spreadsheet was pulled out last night and we made a list of about 100 names that we both felt could contend. So now we have a top 10 of options. This means that we at least have a plan, even if we change our minds later on. Box ticked.
I need to start looking at my ante-natal notes from the last pregnancy, just to familiarise myself with the options, procedures, etc. I'll feel more prepared once I've done that.

Zack is thriving – seems taller each day and more articulate. He's still pushing every boundary, so there's extra effort going into discipline at the moment. On the upside though, he is incredibly observant and will often see things long before we notice them. He wants to sing songs over and over again so that he can learn the words – initially frustrating for me, but now I'm cottoning on. Yesterday he climbed the stairs and counted to 14 by himself ! He is a genius.

little squishy

We've had a week of glorious weather, and Zack's ball-skills continue to improve. He just loves going outside to kick the ball, as it's too easy to do alot of damage in the lounge/kitchen. We continue to hunt for a house with a garden - we spent Saturday down in Dulwich (south of us and east of Wimbledon). A desirable suburb with lots of good schools and heaps of green space. There were some lovely homes, but we didn't see "the one" I'm afraid.
We watched Finding Nemo with Zack late last week, and over the weekend he said something out of the blue : "my little squishy", which I laughed and laughed at. He tells me that all big fish are sharks – even poor old Jonah is getting eaten by a shark in his story book – understanding the differences will come with time.
Overall his behavior's been a bit out of sorts lately – he gets miserable and wingy and won't come out of it. I thought he might be coming down with chicken pox (doing the 'rounds), but nothing there. Maybe he's teething. He's probably aware that something's afoot with the baby coming – I'm not sure.

Pregnancy update (29 weeks now)
I'm an emotional wreck these days – I want to burst into tears over small things, and just the way someone speaks to me can make me start to snivel. I'm well and truly pregnant !
The lead weight of the enlarging belly is ever before me. Funnily enough, running around kicking a ball with Zack I find quite liberating, but walking somewhere in a hurry, and climbing stairs takes it out of me. I'm more and more tired, so sleep as much as I can, whenever the opportunity arises. Heartburn and reflux are close companions these days – sometimes I wish I could take Gaviscon intravenously ! Went for blood tests (too many) last week and check-up with GP – all is well. This is one busy baby... he kicks and hiccups his way through days and nights. The shape of my tummy is also different from Zack, which puts pay to any speculation on gender-related bump-shapes. It's a boy, whatever shape it is. Do we have a name yet ? (The most frequently asked question). No. Have started thinking about it, but nothing yet.

dobrodošli

Margitte, Franco & Zack share a seat for just a moment

Zack dashing down the street on a hot afternoon.

Zack had plenty of opportunity to hone his
stone-throwing skills - 99% beaches are pebbles.

We've had a great break in Korcula, Croatia with good friends from Pretoria - 2 weeks of good weather, outdoor space and a short walk into nature. My mum left to go back to SA today, so we've also been blessed with 3 weeks with a grandparent, and all the extra help and TLC that that entails. We're all feeling quite refreshed and happy. I hope it lasts.

Pregnancy :
It's going well. I'm just tired and feeling very tight-skinned.

busy ?

Sometimes life gets a bit hectic. Take this list for example: here are quite a few of my good friends and acquaintances having babies within 6 weeks of one another. You wanna meditate on co-incidence... well, here it is :

Cindy DeOude - due 25 Aug
Geraldine Wallbank - due 31 Aug
Jenny Bray - due late aug, 1st week Sept
Naz Farouqui - around then...
Ruth Guthrie - due 18 Sept
Kate Dennill - due 30 sept, C-section prob 22 Sept
Maria McVey - due 23 Sept
Yolande Kruger - due 23 Sept
Alison Volpi - due 2 Oct

Clause: We do not live in the same country, in fact, the Americas are the only continent not represented on this list. So it's not down to Christmas power failures, or the like.

Yeah! Co-incidence.

War of Wills

We have just returned from a 2.5 hour round-trip walk - I pushed the pram and Zack scooted. We got home to complete "meltdown" (toddler tantrum - screaming, crying, lying on the floor and shouting "NO!! NO!! NO!!") and I can go off my head with frustration. I am really in no state to be walking miles and miles, but someone has to take Zack out to burn off the excess energy. My left hip joint is killing me and no amount of hip/glute stretches and knee-rolls are going to fix this - believe me ! I've tried.
If anything convinces me that children, (nevermind all of mankind) are sinful, fallen creatures, it's days like today. We travel all that way - basically the entire trip is for Zack's benefit. We are doing all the things he likes doing. We stop at a coffee-shop for a frozen juice and a muffin to share. Then he scoots all around the Jubilee Mall which is a treat as the floors are marble, smooth and wide. He gets to press all the lift buttons, the pedestrian buttons, AND the disabled door buttons - mummy is VERY patient today and indulges Zack's button-pressing needs at every opportunity. He munches on an apple I brought with me and eats some of the sandwich too. He is neither hungry, nor thirsty. I changed his nappy after the coffee shop. (many boxes ticked, that might otherwise lead to bad behaviour). But, the end result is not a child that's had a good time, rather it ends in tears and tantrums.

• He does not stop, when I call to him to "stop". He blithely scoots off out of sight - 80% of the time.
• He does not come back, when I call him to. He'll come back if he sees that he's taken a wrong turn and we're going in a different direction to him, but that's the only instance of returning to base.

When we got home, I said he could scoot up two speed bumps in the neighbour's car park. He disappeared out of the other side of their building (60m away), and came around the block. He is two years old. Yes, we live in a cul-de-sac, but that is absolutely no reason for his disobedience. I can stand there and call and shout to him to come back, but he won't. I thought perhaps I should just take the scooter away - there have to be consequences to my pleas for him to be obedient/listen. I remember Keith reading the Baby Wise book which said we shouldn't expect our children to do things beyond their capability. I think this is a case in point. He doesn't understand that he can die, be maimed or seriously injured if he goes off on his own. YOU CANNOT REASON WITH A TWO YEAR OLD !

What does Supernanny have to say ?

• Toddlers act on impulse.
• Toddlers do not set out to wind you up - haven't yet developed this ability.
• They do not have a sense of time, so don't understand the concept of "waiting".

I need to work harder on 2 techniques :

• Reinforce good behaviour with attention & praise.
• Not make empty threats: take the scooter away if he doesn't listen (because I can't run and catch him). Have a "time out" in his bedroom, when he starts giving me lip (shouting "No") or being aggressive.

my own comments:
Boy oh boy, I can see why some parents just opt out - they let their kids run riot instead of stepping in and doing something. It is exhausting being consistent with discipline, although I know it will lead to happier, more contented and self-assured children. I wish there was a restore button I could press when I'm starting to lose it. I would be happier with myself and I think Zack would respond better.

I am hot, I am not

I've suddenly started feeling decidedly warm. Having carried Zack through the opposite seasons, I keep expecting to be warm, and finding I'm not. Well, it seems like that's all about to change - I felt like a glow-worm last night in church (yes, there were alot of people in the building too, so that might have had something to do with it).

Pregnancy Wear(y)
We have a wedding to attend in 2 week's time, so I'm naturally concerned about what I'm going to wear. I'm going to have a little rant here about the rubbish clothes that designers (read, High Street designers, not couture) think pregnant women should be wearing. There is really SO little that is flattering, it's depressing! Very few preggie mums are willing to blow the budget on an outfit... there's just no point, unless it's an extremely significant event. I've been looking at what stars seem to think is attractive, and there really is a broad sample out there - ranging from hideous, to "do-able", to Wow. True, many of the High Street stores have suddenly started stocking maternity wear - this wasn't the case 2 years ago. I thought Zara's range was quite nice, when I popped in on Saturday, but they're still designing their trousers for Wednesday legs (sigh). And, variety doesn't always mean you'll be able to find something. Even M&S have some nice stuff, but the melted plastic on the reverse of the neckline was far from comfortable.
When I was in Australia and 4 months pregnant with Zack, I found hoards of lovely maternity clothes. Why am I failing here, in the Land of Fashion ? I don't think it's just me – not even celebs know what they're doing with their bumps half the time. Check out some of these pics and tell me what you think....





I conclude that it is not easy to look good while you're pregnant. If you have pots of money you can probably afford to have your hair done nicely, and let your stylist and make-up artist fix what they can, but the basic shape is pretty hard to work with. Let's face it !

supermumeroni

Today I had to run for a train. I had to carry : the baby bag (medium heavy), Zack's scooter, the pram, and Zack (17kgs). We had to climb across a foot bridge at speed and run to make the train to London. I could not afford to miss it - the next one would have been 1/2 an hour later. I did it ! Even I'm impressed. I am a super mummy. I did not die.

we know the words

One of the (expected) developmental stages is that children start talking to themselves while they play. In the beginning it's only gibberish, but soon you start to recognise words, and then phrases. We're now at a point where we know the phonetics of the songs, and here's a little taste of a favourite....

Outwards & Upwards

Yesterday was a glorious day - sunny and bright AND a public holiday. We spent most of it on Blackheath kicking the ball around and flying a kite. Wonderful memories made and caught a bit of sun.

(stoopid photo won't rotate!) Zack and Keith tackle keeping the kite airborne

preggie mum holds the kite's spindle –
we let it fly high enough to use up all the string – how exhilarating.

The past week was marked by our trip, last Monday (28th April), to Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital for our fetal cardiology scan. Baby #2 came through with flying colours – all low risk. God is good ! They have great equipment there so we're pleased we went. The consultant was also happy to check the gender of the baby, and we are going to have another boy. Hooray! I get to use all the clothes again - have been faithfully washing, folding and packing things away these last 2 years, so that's great. I wonder how Grandpa Guthrie will feel to hear he has another "name bearer" on the way ?
My pelvic girdle pain is ongoing. Some days I have NO pain, and others (like the Monday we went to Great Ormond Str) I could have wept I was in so much pain. Sadly it's not like a back injury - so I don't know if it's coming or not. I'm very naughty about doing my physio exercises... I just don't believe that they're helping if they hurt so much to do. I don't have a gym mat, so I have to do them on the floor which is very uncomfortable.

Expanding our Options:
We've been looking at properties on a more serious basis, for the past few months, hoping to find a four bedroom house with a garden. There's still no clear decision although it's made us look more seriously at schools in our area, and neighbouring suburbs. Being "from the colonies" makes it quite hard, as you have no innate knowledge of the terrain, but have to go with other's opinions and what you read. We are certainly not of the opinion that "old is best" ie, Eton, Harrow, etc; nor that "local is lekker" – you should see some of the scary institutions around! I can only hope we'll make the right decision ultimately.

It was a white day

The other day, while climbing down the stairs to the front door, Zack invited me to examine the walls, the banister and the ceiling, with the revelation "Mommy - walls white", and then "roof white" etcetera etcetera. This is quite a big step in my books; up until now he's happily pointed out blue, green and red, but seldom yellow, and never white or black. These days we're getting "blue dustbin", "red car" and more. Nothing like a bit of colour identification to broaden the repertoire. In addition, he's starting to say funny, commonly used phrases like, "see you later", before toddling off to the lounge.

He is crazy about his scooter: it goes to bed with him. Since visiting friends in Surbiton last weekend, he has gained so much confidence as he scooted for more than a mile and a half, unassisted. His stability is vastly improved, though he still favours one foot for pushing. He is slowly learning how to turn the thing - a much more complicated manouvre, and a few weeks away I would guess. He tends to stop, pick it up, and put it down in the direction he wants to travel in. Negotiating fellow pedestrians is more like hit-and-run.

For his birthday, Zack was given a fabulous puzzle of pictures from A to Z. It has been such a hit - the right thing at the right time. He loves it and builds it at least twice a day. He's learnt to identify certain pairings which brings him closer to completing the whole task. Knowing colours also seems to have helped, because he'll say to me "pink one" or "blue one" for pieces he's looking for. It's been an opportunity for him to learn what things look like eg. yo-yo and guitar.

Being a boy, Zack is constantly hurtling around at breakneck speed. I didn't realise little boys were quite so rough & tumble. We went to the playground last week and Zack was drawn to the merry-go-round, (always a death trap - I don't know a single adult who hasn't had a bad experience on one !). Three older children were going around on it, and Zack kept shouting "stop" and then getting on, but then trying to get off before it stopped again. Necessarily it meant he got dragged around, or fell off. Thankfully, these days, playgrounds have "all weather" surfacing which is cushioned, unlike the gravel, concrete or sand that we all grew up with - so no bleeding. It isn't a deterent however - he kept going back for more pain, even though we'd had more than three screaming-crying moments. After a while you get "moedeloos" and give in to the stubborn will of those who will not listen. So that meant more falling down. In the end I dragged him off, and he proceeded to have a major tantrum. He climbed up some seating, and then fell backwards through a gap in it. I nearly had a heart-attack. But he was fine, just crying (more). I tell you, kids can give you grey hair just watching their antics. We went home after that - I'd had enough, even if Zack hadn't.

still to write
Sleeping - how to get him to sleep in his own bed / freedom of mobility / stalling techniques

Pregnant Progress:
I'm feeling fine most of the time, but struggling with heartburn and a condition very common amongst preggie mums - Pelvic Girdle Pain. Not much I can do about it really, altho' I have been for physio. It's funny, but I had tried all the things she's got me doing now - knee rolling, knee hugging, and it only seemed to make it worse. Ontop of that, I've been given a maternity belt (a really wide piece of heavy duty clothing elastic, with velcro fasteners which you're supposed to tighten around your pelvic girdle), which will theoretically offer my pelvis more support, and minimize twisting and the other nasties, that make it ache so much. I'm supposed to wear it when walking.

Down's Syndrome screening

Got a letter from the hospital this week, to say that our Down's syndrome screening test results are in. Obviously they can't tell whether the baby has Down's but can give you a risk indication. Because I'm over 35 years old, the NHS offer a Nuchal Translucency scan as standard at 13-14 weeks. My results have come back as "low". There's a lot to think about there... I'm not the worrying kind, so I've tried not to think too much about what we would do if we found out there was something wrong with the baby. The language is also very emotive - "wrong" can be a horrible word when you have a Down's child - nor is "disabled" very helpful. "Challenged" has become more of a joke, than a describer. I wonder about 'dis'abled and 'un'able? When they say a child has a learning 'disability', it makes it sound like it can be overcome - and I suppose in some cases in can. But what about those children who don't overcome ? Are they labeled 'unable'. All a bit un-politically correct, and bad psychology to say "can't" I suppose.

I'm still feeling pretty tired despite being at 15 weeks now. I keep wondering what's happened to that 'energy boost' I was supposed to get after the first trimester? Maybe parenting a toddler took it away. My back, or rather my coccyx is killing me - I keep getting nasty twinges when I'm sitting on the floor (you do that alot with a toddler), when I'm lying down (as often as I can), and when I'm walking. Funnily enough, walking in Wales with Zack in the backpack - all 17.6kgs of him - was really not painful at all. I would say that's a testimony to my Merrell's: definitely the most comfortable outdoor shoes I've ever owned; probably helped that my posture was more 'normal' because I was worrying about the backpack instead of the pain.
Zack is thriving and I made a note of his height on his 2nd birthday : 88cm tall.

musical memory

This is one of those "chuckle" moments.... We were driving to mum & tot's group today and Rihanna's "Umbrella" was playing on the radio. After lunch I caught Zack singing, ' ella, ella, eh eh eh'. How fabulous is that ?

Two years old

He got a micro scooter for his birthday. They are already very attached, so getting dressed was a saga.

Our son's 2nd birthday, and we have the standard parent response : "Can't believe that it's exactly two years since we were sitting, stunned in a hospital ward, staring at a tiny baby, sleeping soundly". The time has certainly been a fast train rushing by. Mum tells me the time goes even faster when they're teens, which I can believe because I feel like we live each and every day with Zack - at his pace - sharing his discoveries, developments, experiences. When he's a teen we'll be sharing so little of his day-to-day life.

Zack says "Happy Birthday ebbybody", because he doesn't like it when we sing only to him. So Happy Birthday everyone celebrating with us !

Second Scan of baby #2

For the uninitiated this is just another of those wierd ultrasound pics with blobs of white and black and who-knows-what-they're-looking-at ? For the rest, it's a moment of excitement and joy at seeing that our little bub is doing oh-so-well. Compared to the last scan, baby now fills all the uterine space (how fast they grow!) I'm feeling less sick in the evenings, and I'm getting over my aversion to coffee shops (tho' still not drinking the stuff), and the tummy is visible to all. We finally seem to be "in" the system, following a few false starts with our local midwives. We're grateful that we'll be in line to deliver at the new Barkantine Birthing Centre, which is not far from our flat.
There won't be more scans for some time - next one due only at 20 weeks, ie. May - so we'll have to make do with watching the tummy grow, sore back, painful hips, smaller meals, heartburn, ah yes... now I remember.

It's another year for babies: so far we've welcomed little Jamie Hundermark in Johannesburg, Jaykob in New Zealand, Abigail in Romford, Julia in Dublin, Holly in Jo'burg and now baby Samantha in Reading. Busy time eh ? Congrats everyone.

Samantha born to Karen & Andrew on 8 March

Ruby's 2nd birthday

Pudding & cake time ! the kids tuck in.

Zack tentatively holds one of the guinea pigs

Caitlin tickled pink with the purring guinea pig

Caitlin & Anokye, Trish & Amy