More thoughts

I spend a huge chunk of my waking hours thinking about all of this - mulling it over. I'm reading a very accessible book at the moment called "That's the Way I Think" by David Grant, which has been enormously insightful on dyslexia, dyspraxia and ADHD. Obviously our talking and thinking with our therapist and with Zack's is ongoing. I am still leaning on the schooling door, and have an appointment with a clinical psychologist for early June - this will help us to have something more tangible when going to schools and asking for a place. My hopes were, and still are, that we'll be able to find Zack a new school for year 5 but... it's going to require a miracle. Somewhere.
In the meantime though, I've been aware for some time now, that we only dwell on the negative and the difficult and the challenges. So much has happened in the past few years that it's almost eclipsed the happy memories of the early years with him. So I've started going through the archives and printing photos from 2011-2015. It's important for us all really to remember the happy, bubbly boy that still is inside there somewhere, and hopefully with the visual reference make it more possible.
As such here follow a few :

Christmas 2014 - looking a little bleary eyed but delighted 'the day has dawned'

scallywags in one place, standing still, looking at the camera – a rare occasion

THE LOW DOWN

We got to a point where we really needed more answers so we took Zack to a psychiatrist, recommended by the psychotherapists. She has diagnosed him with some autistic traits (so he's neither autistic, NOR on the autistic spectrum, but exhibits some traits - which, now that I've done quite a lot of reading, are common in MOST HUMAN BEINGS!). He has developed a lack of social awareness and empathy, a lack of impulse control, obstructive, confrontational and non-compliant behaviour - whahey ! it's not rocket science.
Zack is suffering from depression, but he is also suffering from despair. No surprises there!
The sad, sad news though is that we cannot medicate him... we can't help him by removing the highs and the lows chemically. He has to keep going, however hard it is for all of us. No drugs - it's too risky. We were gutted to hear.
She is sure he doesn't have ADHD nor is he bipolar. That's something! a little twinkle.
He has O.D.D. (Oppositional Defiant disorder) which basically comes down to a 'naughty child' label. It's negative and disruptive behaviour aimed at those in authority, particularly parents and teachers. Apparently it's very common in kids with ADHD... BUT Zack doesn't have ADHD. hmmm....
At some point in his early emotional development he has gone off on a different path. Some of the resulting behaviours have now become quite entrenched and will be difficult to unlearn. She was optimistic: it is possible with the “right” support, and we hope that he’ll be able to find his way back to a ‘normal’ trajectory, or at least learn coping mechanisms to do so.
She said the very best thing we could do now is find him a new school which will offer more emotional support and change the approach to his therapy. Guess what I'm doing with my time ?!
It's been quite an arduous journey thus far... who knows whether we'll find a school in time. There are days when I feel hopeless, there are days when I think there's a glimmer.
I recognise that I just have to take it one day at a time. That's all there is.