Basically he's deficated all over Xmas

Our Christmas period has been held to ransom by our 8-year-old. There have been highs but there have been significant lows. He goes into a hole and he takes us all with him. I'm sick to death of it - it's just bullsh*t. A family of four has to lock into a child of eight's emotional yo yo'ing. It's total and utter kak! If he's getting his own way, then it's all A-okay, but if he's frustrated, upset, can't do what he wants to, then we all have to go into free-fall, shit hole, crap city. I don't think so. He has an appointment with a psychiatrist in the New Year. I will soon be making an appointment with a second psychiatrist to get a second opinion. The problem with psychiatry is that child development is still in its infancy, if not, its teens. "they" don't really know do "they"?!! It's a guessing game. When you look online and you talk to people, they are either in camp A = medicating their children with Ritalin and god-knows-what-else; or camp B = natural remedies and therapy (and that's IF their kids will talk).There's the myriad of approaches in between. We have to fall in there somewhere. What else is there to do ? Zack is angry. Zack is eight years old. Why is he angry ? We don't know. He can't tell us. Everyone has to guess. But in the interim, we all have to live in the tsunami that is his reality : up - down - up - down. Our wagon is hitched to his wagon and it's the wrong way round. He is a child. He needs to feel safe. But he tries EACH AND EVERY DAY to wrestle power from his parents. He wants to dictate how this goes, but I dig my heels in and Daddy is softer than me. So it ends up being inconsistent. It's infuriating.
My line now is to just remove myself whenever he exhibits behaviour that is undesireable : he shouts at me, I leave. You try and be physical with me (pushing or physically threatening), I leave - usually after trying to go the humorous route. You're rude to me, I leave. You are demanding AFTER bed time, I leave (he will try almost ANYTHING to get you to give him attention after bedtime). You attack your younger brother during the day, without provocation, we leave. You swear, we leave. You break the agreed parameters, we leave. Isolation seems to be the only way to deal with him.
Zack has very little understanding of "you did this, it's your doing. There are consequences for the things you've done." He often responds in a pickle with, "it's NOT MY FAULT!!!!" And I respond, "I'm afraid it is your fault Zack. You did this. And this is the consequence of your action." He hates that. His therapist says he doesn't want to face reality - oh. so. true.
I'm so so so tired of the approach that says we need to treat him like a 2 year old. When I do that, he just takes the piss. Yeah! Yeah! his therapist says that he is not responsible, he makes no connections. That he is a child, ENTIRELY driven by IMPULSES. He doesn't know what he's doing. He sees no connection between how he behaves (when he's "overwhelmed by his emotions") and the consequences (our frustration and exasperation; and worse - injuring other children, saying things that are completely inappropriate)
There are so many fears out there - what will he be ? what's the worst thing he'll do ? how "damaged" will he be at the end of all these years of childhood ? is he resilient ? why can't I fix it ? how can I protect him ? How do I prepare him for adulthood (surely that's my biggest responsibility?)... But fear is not a good motivator. Recognising that he and I are separate (yes, this is particularly hard for a mother to do. surprise, surprise!) and that I am NOT responsible for who he is, what he does, or the outcome of his actions.
Late at night, when he has mastered his emotions and has perspective on his day (useful, but also entirely useless), he can see how A led to B. But when he's in the midst of it, he is overwhelmed by how he "feels" and is unable to master these feelings, he is just the whirlwind into which we all get sucked. It's exhausting because just like he denies any culpability, he despises having to re-visit any of his transgressions. Nighttime is the only time we can, so it makes nighttime hard. We can't do it every night. Gotta time it right.
My New Year's resolution on the 28th of December is : we gotta fix this! I think that some drugs may be the answer. Time will tell.

my favourite cartoonist produces something likened to Zack on a happy day... Most people on a happy day to be fair... BUT: reality check!! : no-one really cares, unless you're 1 Direction or Kim K