It is frustrating in the extreme, the amount of negotiating that goes on with a three/four year old. I can see why it's necessary, as the alternative is smacking or sending him to his room/timeout. However... the time and patience and effort required (of two exhausted parents) is enough to drive me into the wilderness screaming, never to return. I feel like Zack "gets it" some of the time, so you can appeal to his rationality, but other times you're offering a number of alternatives, a number of carrots and sticks, consequences are carefully weighed up, end results are presented as clearly as possible. And yet, you're still getting the whinging, whining three year old who is just being contrarian for the sake of it. After 45 minutes of ruining everyone's day...
Yup, then it's time for a smack
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Just a thought, Ruth, and this is coming from a non-parent, so take it as a loose idea.
What if you had 3 objects to represent the 3 alternatives you're offering him? So if he wants to go play in the street, and instead you offered him an actual DVD to watch, a box of lego and a pillow (i.e. take a nap)?
Then he takes one as part of the choice. But maybe the physical act of taking an object will mentally bind him to that choice? And since there are no other objects, subconsciously he might accept that there are no other options?
I use this with the people at work - either they do it my way (I give them a badge with a smiley face on it), or I offer them a knife or a hammer, so they can decide the penalty for themselves. :-)
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