Now we are ONE

Zack turned 1 yesterday. A momentous occasion but celebrated with very little fuss other than phone-calls, sms's and emails from friends and family. I made cupcakes for his friends at nursery today (Monday 26th), and the winning recipe is Martha Stewart's Vanilla Cupcake recipe.


Yes, yes, you're all wondering what he got ? . . . well, he got a few books, some pairs of socks, clothes, a toy mobile phone (we kid ourselves that it'll replace his fascination with the TV remote – it does not), a puzzle, aftershave (only kidding), a toy elephant and lots of wrapping paper. He enjoyed singing "Happy Birthday", and soon learnt to clap along when anyone sang it to him.
He had ice-cream for the first time on Saturday at his friend Sonny's naming ceremony. Initially he pulled faces, but once the coldness had passed he was eager for more and more and more. The sugar-rush kicked in about 20 mins later. Yeouch !
We still have the birthday party on Sunday 1 April to look forward to, so the cupcakes today were a bit of a test-run. Due to their success, there will be an encore.

a bit of beauty in the general

My aunt sent me this poem in an email, and she is a mother to four sons. Real food for thought, for my attitudes, for my use of time.

TO MY CHILD

Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face
and laugh when I feel like crying.
Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear
and smile and say how perfect it is.
Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry
and pick you up and take you to the park to play.
Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink
and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.
Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone
and keep the computer off
and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles.
Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble,
when you scream and whine for ice cream
and I will buy one if the ice cream truck comes by.
Just for this afternoon, I won’t worry about what you are going to be
when you grow up or second guess every decision
I have made where you are concerned.
Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald’s
and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys.
Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story
about how you were born and how much I love you.
Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.
Just for this evening, I will let you stay up a late
while we sit on the porch and count all the stars
Just for this evening when I run my fingers through your hair as you pray,
I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.
I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching
for their missing children,
the mothers and feathers who are visiting their children’s graves
instead of their bedrooms,
and the mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms
watching their children suffer senselessly
and screaming inside that they can’s handle it anymore.
And when I kiss you goodnight, I will hold you a little tighter, a little
longer. It is then that I will thank God for you
and ask him for nothing except one more day ….

-- Anonymous

inside, outside, upside down

Yesterday Zack leant on his little baby walker and took a few tentative steps across the lounge. By the time Keith and I had found and fired up the vidcam, he wasn't interested in playing ball, and only wanted to have a howl. Today however, he eagerly pushed his walker around AND took our dustbin (Zack's waist height) and pushed it all over the kitchen. I think he's got the walking idea down pat, and it's just been a natural progression. So easy and he's just getting on with it in his own time. He is still a bit of a klingon, but Keith and I are in for the high jump when he starts walking around.

He is too cute when it comes to hunting for "lost" toys and bits - very often under the sofa. He'll hunker down and take a long hard look and see if he can see "it", and then crawl over at speed and streeeetttccchhhhh to reach the missing ball et al. What a delight !

More words, sadly I confess the word "no" is starting to come to the fore. It arrives in the form, "Nononononono". Altho' I like to think that it doesn't actually mean, "no" - it's just another form of protestation. It's all punctuated with "mamamama", "day-day-day-day" and "bababababa", so who knows ? ! ! !

Happy Red Nose day everyone.

Please support Democracy in Zimbabwe. Personally I am very relieved to see that Mr Tsvangirai is out of ICU and back to opposing R Mugabe.

no more war

yippee. for some inexplicable reason our little boy has finally given up on World War Three when we have to change his nappy. For months now (it feels like most of his life, but it's probably only been the past 6 months), he has fought having his nappy changed. Suddenly, he is all compliant, relaxed, I'd even go so far as to put words in his mouth.. "Go ahead, get the job done, I'm just gonna lie here and wait for you to finish." Understandably we are very relieved, it was just so stressful, particularly if we were out and about.

Zack, poor chap, is still teething with gusto. He's been running a temperature for the last two days and was decidedly subdued last night and this morning. He has now got two tiny teeth sticking out of the gums at the top, which I think have been the cause of all the pain and unhappiness. Hopefully he'll be back to his usual self again soon.

We're OK and growing

Zack is doing well - growing every day, saying more (nothing recognisable tho'), getting around faster, asserting his will, eating almost anything, smiling and giggling more. It's just delightful!

We love him to bits - he's a delight.

planning planning

We are now in the throes of organising Zack's first birthday party. Ahem, we'd planned something small, but have decided to do a joint party with two or three friends, so there'll be a hoard of little 'uns, lots of hovering mums and dads and hopefully a crazy afternoon. Whew! I need to lie down just thinking about it.
The venue is sorted, and we're going to have it at noon as that suits most little people's schedules. It's going to be so strange seeing all the 'newborns' of last year as little people. I'm quite looking forward to it. Keith has bought another lens so I'm sure he's counting the days and charging his batteries !


Zack wearing his Guns 'n Roses shirt - a gift from uncle Corné and aunty René (is it just me, or is he looking more and more like a little boy ?)


Visiting Trish's house for delicious tea and cake !
Our babes tucked into a bowl of raisins : currently in Ruby's hands.



We thought we'd take them all outside for a photo, but co-ordinating 4 little people proved to be quite a challenge. even getting them all to look in the same direction was a feat. Zack looked horrid with his long face, and red cheeks. Poor little tyke, I do hope the teeth make a show soon.

Unite against Mushy Food !

Zack has turned a corner - altho it may be part of his latest wingy, diaroeaHHHH, I hate having my nappy changed, phase. Anyway, he just won't eat mushy food anymore. I think he's campaigning to get me to move forward in the diet thang. "Enough of the mush mum!", watch me press my lips together and turn my face away coz I'm not interested.

It's not a bad thing. Us adults can be pretty thick or pretty lazy when it comes to understanding what these little people are ready for. I think I probably fall into both categories as it's so easy to pull some stuff out of a bottle, add some nice fresh veg or a piece or two of chicken and voila! a delicious mushy meal. Not so.

he's growing up!

dah - ee

Our child is a genius !!!

Yeah, you've heard every parent say it. But Zack is a genius. Today while we were packing Keith's bags for New York, we were looking at all the photos on the bedside shelves. There is one of Keith and his sister Sally. I said, "Daddy, Aunty Sally" - pointing at each in turn. Then Keith said, "Daddy", and Zack said, "Dah-ee", and then a second time. Of course we leapt around like mad things, hugging and shouting, "DADDY!, DADDY!", much to Zack's amusement. He is a genius I tell you!

without mum

Zack started the settling in process at our local nursery school today. We were there from 9:45am - 11:15am. I was full of bravado on the weekend, thinking "this will be easy", and turning up was the easy part. Sitting in the parent's room for 2 and a half hours listening to Zack and filling in forms made me feel awfully weepy. We haven't been apart (except for a bit of babysitting) much at all since his birth, and it's all so hard for me. I know it's what I want, I know he's ready for it and he will love it, but that doesn't help the strong feelings of "Am I doing the right thing ?" and "is this too soon ?". It'll get easier I know (all the friends have told me), but right now it all seems a bit hard.

Today he learnt to twist the dial on his toy radio. He can now make the music play without my help. Another moment of independence dawns.

tenmonthklingonsleepingthru-ish

Yeah! Can you believe the little guy is ten months old ? Just remarkable.

Things have been pretty hectic of late - back to back colds, getting bullied at mum&tot group, feeling awfully wingy, Ai-Oh Ai-Oh... it certainly is a full time job. I've been thinking about the unusual situation we're in: parenting in London, no immediate family nearby, being home with Zack at ten months, so what exactly was the plan ? Hmmm... right now, I'm hoping he'll be able to go into nursery from the beginning of February. It'll only be 2 days a week, but it will be a good break for me. I've been on deadline this week, and it's been very hard having a wee lad around, nevermind the professional issues. So many decisions to make about their well-being and development. I can see that he's bored with his toys at home, but I don't want to buy more. I don't want him to be another one of those spoilt kids with a houseful of toys. Nor do I want to go to the extreme where he only gets one toy to play with at a time. He misses the social interaction on days when we're at home all day - which has been often of late, what with colds and flu, and running a temperature. Gotta find a balance.

He's still eating well, and his sleeping is improving. He seems to have dropped his 11pm wake for water. It took us more than a month, but I think he has the message. The problem of course is that he is now waking at 4am - thirsty. They keep you on the hop! Three nights ago he woke up at about 12:30am and would not go back to sleep. We tried everything - changing him, cuddling him, giving him his dummy - but every time we put him back down he started to howl. It was evidently not pain (otherwise he'd cry all the time), so we were stumped. In the end we had to leave him to cry himself to sleep. It was the beginning of what has become a pattern of klingy-ness. He's never been like this before - he now cries every time I leave the room. It's exhausting. Try and do some freelance work on deadline in this situation ! Impossible. Tonight he was running a temp, so perhaps it's just teething. Haven't we heard that one before? No teeth visible beneath the gums so I'm not counting on it. It's just another phase I guess. What comfort, sheesh.

We are finally up to date on our immunisations, but the last two left big bruises on his thighs, and big lumps under the skin. I believe that immunisation is necessary, and that all children should participate in the national immunisation scheme. Just talking to a friend about polio in Africa, showed me the import of mass subscription. So despite some of the more "touchy-feely" objections, I think it's essential. And we will continue in this vein.

too much tellie ?

Should you let your infant watch television ? Everyone starts out with fixed ideas on television consumption, and things tend to go awry from birth +
I didn't really think very hard about the issue. My parents let us watch one TV show when we were 6 years old (that's when tellie started in good ol' SA), and it was Rupert the Bear. Most of my television watching was monitored and restricted to certain times. On the other hand, I never watched much TV before I had a baby. Then I was up at all sorts of crazy hours, breastfeeding for 45 minutes at a stretch. Mind-numbingly dull. I'd pop on the tellie and watch the episodes of Countdown that I'd missed, and catch up on the news (Hell, there was a world outside my front door). Now that Zack is nearly a year, I notice that I flick the TV on at around 5pm, and we drift on through Zack's dinner until Keith gets home for bath-time. Some afternoons we even watch Lazytown earlier than that. It sounds like some sort of [blush] confession, which of course it is.
I think my biggest concern is that I'll be slack and not always watch what's on the box. I really want to preserve Zack's innocence and there IS alot of crap on TV in 2007. The broadcasters can't be trusted to make good choices, so you have to.
Many of my more responsible friends only allow their children to watch DVDs. I suppose that's the most controlled option. At least you know what's going in, AND you avoid the commercials. I don't want Zack sucked into the competitive world of toy shopping just yet.
It's so easy to just opt out and drift along without a plan, but I need to have one in place for the next few years. At least until he's more conscious and discerning. Probably another 12 years then ?!

Thank God for baby sitters !

Keith and I went out alone last night. We went out to dinner, nothing too crazy. We had a lovely stroll along the Thames, and then dinner in Tooley Street, near London Bridge at a nice little restaurant that's just opened. Zack was looked after by the lovely Emilia, our new baby sitter. She is Polish and will be doing a regular baby-sitting job for us from here on out (I really hope this lasts). She is very sweet, and has been an au-pair in the USA for the last 2 years, so has some experience.

To be able to go out together and just talk about us, the future, etc. without worrying about where Zack is, what he's up to, if he's sleeping... cannot be underestimated! I know she'll call if there's a problem, so No News is Good News.

We were home just after 11pm. All's well.

3 bugs in 2 weeks

Poor little guy (and he can't even blame it on day care!). Zack is now down with conjunctivitis, and an incredibly stuffy nose. On Saturday night he had a raging temperature and I was wondering what was going on...
And all this followed shortly on the heels of what I think was Hand, Foot and Mouth - he had little blisters on his hands, feet and definitely all around his groin. I couldn't see inside his mouth, but I'm guessing from the complete lack of appetite that he had a sore mouth too.


It is just heart-wrenching to see him in such a dull and dreary mood. No smiles, and far less energy than usual. This afternoon, I tried to feed him lunch at the usual time and he was so tired that he just sat there with his eyes closed opening his mouth every now and then for food. Without finishing he fell asleep in the chair.

Happy Birthday Blog !

Today we are one year old! I stand in our lounge and look at the toys scattered around the floor, thinking that later on I'll be down on my hands and knees pulling coloured balls and small cars out from underneath the sofa, under the christmas tree, and packing it all neatly under the telly, so that we can take it all out and play with it again tomorrow. Who would have thought that we'd be at this point so soon ?

"Happy Birthday to you
You live in a zoo
You look like a monkey...."
yeah yeah, I do. it must be the lack of sleep, extra weight I gained over Xmas and the emotional dysfunction. Oh, sorry... it's Happy Birthday to the Blog. Okay, here goes :

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLOG

I have a confession to make - this blog started out as a "rant" much further back. It focused alot on my anger and frustration at not being able to conceive a baby, at having lost a baby at 13 weeks, at generally being pissed off at a lot of things that I couldn't control / mend. I deleted the lot when I decided to change it to a record of my first pregnancy and the challenges of being a parent. Ah well, that's how things go.

Not the most upbeat entry, but it needed to be entered. Done, tick.

Pretty please Zeeeee

Zack is happily recovered from his bronchiolitis, and although Keith had a mild infection, he's kicked it too. Just mummy who's down with the colds and sinusitis. Not sure why, but he had a really aweful night last night. The guessing game starts again... is it teeth ? is it pain ? Just don't know. At 2am though, both mum and dad are saying "Pretty please Zack, please go to sleep! Puhleeeeez."

Woof

Zack is as sick as a dawg. Poor little guy. He's picked up a bug called "Bronchiolitis" and it landed us in A & E last Friday. We were there from 5 - 9pm and we came home with what looks like an asthma pump with a ventilating chamber (altho the registrar did say that he didn't think it would make much of a difference - they'd already administered it without any success). The equipment didn't alleviate any symptoms and we have't had much sleep this week. Keith and I are both starting to come down with it now - sore throat, stuffy head and tearing eyes. Daddy's been working very hard, and mummy feels a bit thin on the ground, resentful and tired. Ah, the joys of parenthood eh ?

Fat Duck Poo

Oh boy! Zack strikes again. My cousin graciously invited us to a celebratory lunch at the world's best restaurant yesterday : The Fat Duck in Bray.
We're sitting down, enjoying a lovely glass of chilled champagne, and I get a whiff of something which smells awfully like Zack. I lean over to see and sure enough, it is oozing out the top of his trousers! In the Fat Duck! Sometimes I think I'm doomed to one exasperating and embarassing moment of fecal revoltingness, after another.

Oh, and by the way, I'm still supporting Pampers nappies. You'd think they'd get some sort of performance appraisal at this time of year ? ! !

competitiveness and discipline

I am soooo not a competitive person, and have relished all these years out of school and university. I never did enjoy all that "lowest common denominator" stuff, it's just so tedious. But here I am, mother of a small, fast-growing son, and all around me is "when did he do that?" and "how much does he weigh?", and "are you back into your pre-pregnancy clothes?". When did this all turn into a competition? I'm just grateful that he's healthy, has all his faculties, everything is where is should be.

I took a break from writing this to go to the loo, where I picked up Waitrose's new mag - Source - and the first article I read tackles exactly this... Fiona Gibson writes ..."Let's be realistic : I'm 41 with a body that's been through two pregnancies, including six-pound twins. It would be unreasonable, surely, to expect my stomach to resemble a slab of MDF. My small cluster of sensible brain cells says,' No, you're not one of the endless bevy of footballers' wives who go skinny-malinky approximately nine seconds after giving birth, and why would you be?..."

Well put sister!

The glaringly omission is how few mothers ask the more important questions, like "How well behaved is your child ?", and "How are you getting on with discipline ?". It does amaze me that in an era of "Super Nanny" and more discipline resources than you can poke a stick at, so few parents tackle this extremely important issue. Yeah, yeah, we're all going to do it differently, but let's face it, if we don't discipline our children, they turn into unholy terrors - unpleasant to be around, they'll get avoided on the birthday party circuit, teacher's will raise their eye-brows when your little angel's name gets mentioned, and (WAKEY WAKEY) your mates are going to be pushed to spend too much time with you, other than at your house where YOUR kids can trash YOUR place. There's a huge knock on here.


I am so grateful to Tim & Jacqui for the delightful Quinton Blake book they gave us before Zack was born : the Zagazoo. Oh, I do hope he turns out to be the delightful young man in 20 years time.

the Gonz is come

(these photos were uploaded 2 days after Alessio was born, so to answer all the questions I've had, Jackie didn't have him at home)

Jackie and Claudio are the proud parents of a baby boy - Alessio - born this evening at 7:10pm ! wonderful news.